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Heather Brearley Poem
Crying is draining I come from a military family where maybe you get a pat on the back, or a grunt, if you did good my dad would never tell me he was proud. I would hear it through my mom what he thought. You certainly don't cry or show emotion isn't there too much shame around emotion. Are we not humans.
Finally a couple years as a peer counselor I started learning if you want something you have to push for it. I started drawing my dad special pictures a model t ford, a bear because I thought of him as papa bear. Eventually I started telling him "I love you. "
I don"t think families should go without love after all isn't it "us" against the world.
When I joined my church about five or six years ago I began to accept that I was loved and accepted. This is a wonderful church with wonderful people and your my family especially all my sisters.
But I love my brothers in Christ there as well though I am quite shy around them still but I trust them.
Thank you for showing me to love and hug again. Also for allowing me to be authentic I am fully human and a work in progress.
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
Philipians1:3-14
The things that have happened to me have turned out for the furtherance of the
Gospel.
Simple acts of kindness.
As I sit here in my motel room teetering on the edge of homeless I can see how God is blessing me with this situation and using me to be a blessing.
Today as I explored the city I got lost and turned around so many times. But God gave me safe people to approach.
The first were some Asian tourist we helped eacother try to figure out the confusing maps at the max stops. I showed them an app that can help with transit it was a fun interaction.
I couldn't figure out my directions. I wound up on an east bound train didn't feel right so I got off the train walked up the block saying a little prayer. God blessed me with another person a city garbage collector who got me and another lost person to the yellow line heading north.
I was on the right train I missed my stop listening to some good Christion music. I got up at the next stop up. Then had to get on a southbound train.
But there I was apprached by an older lady she asked if I knew where a certain motel was. " I said I dont mind googling it." She didnt think that was the right motel. The train came I said "God bless you!" She told me ""God bless you back if I hadn't of been lost in my music missed my stop I would have missed that opportunity to be a blessing.
How can God use this to teach others of being a blessing. The best method of furthering the Gospel is being a wittness not by preaching but being a blessing or a smile or having a chance to be a witness.
My "Daily Bread Quote"
Trials can be a road to triumph
" I see that Lord thankyou!" Amen
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
I would have given anything to find a good christain husband to have my own family. I have no regrets though.
When I found out I was pregnant. It was early on. I loved her so much
I knew that day in my lonly apparentment I was carrying Elizabeth.
My gandma is Helen Elizabeth. I always told her..."If I have a daughter I will name her Elizabeth after you. "
This is a name passed down thtough generations on both my moms side and dads side.
Rose is to honer her dads side. I knew he wouldn't be appart of us because of his choices. He was very emotionally abusive plus other stuff I won't share.
Stewart is to honor my dad's. Name. My dad was a good man. I deeply loved him. Lizzy was adored by him.
I've accepted that I might alwsys be single. My daughter is my life and I want to be there 100./. For her. I don't want my attention split.
I'm trying to trust God will provide.
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
My devotional today Sept 30, 2019.
Ephesians 1:3-12
He chose us in him predestined by his sons and (daudhters) by Jesus Christ to himself.
My family is lost from me it brings me so much pain I can't talk to them. Except my brother and sister.
I may be alone
( poem by Heather Brearley)
I may be alone lord but you have not left me. You are my constant guide. I want to walk by you Lord. Throughout a life i made wrong choices but I have no regrets.
They made me strong.
Guide my steps Lord let me searve you.
Use my pain to show others how you never give up on us. Use my testimony to do your work.
Mold me shape me as a peace of clay with your hands.
Lay out a path that I may serve you.
I can no longer hide from you Lord.
I see so much pain and suffering Lord let my own suffering help me relate to those in pain.
I want to serve you anyway I can. Give me strength through trials of suffering.
You gave me big dimples Lord. Let me use them to shine your light and love in the world.
If its your will let me searve you as a missionary.
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
September first is the day that changed my life another suicide attempt 25ish days of hospitalization.
The police and social workers got involved. They juged me and threw me out on the street forcing my mom to put a restraining order on me or she will loose my daughter.
Shame on them I am so hurt by this situation but what can I do, I did this to myself. I know longer will ever trust police or social workers.
I sowed my oats now this is my cross to bear.
I can't have any contact.
I asked God to show word that would help me understand.
I came accross...
Psalm 59
9 you are my strength, I watch for you, God you are my fortress, my God whom I can rely
10 God will go before me and gloat over those who slander me.
This being certain family member's and the authorities who tore my my family appart and threaten my 77 year-old mother to not to break the restraining order
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
After I got an honorable discharge from the military. I was so angry at him. I went on an antiGod rampage and went to a pagan cerimony. It was my turn to walk up to a person channeling a diety that person looked me in the eye and told me...
"You don't belong here your his."
That floored me! I don't think it was another diety. I think it was something of pure evil.
I had plainly turned my back on God. But he once again revieled I was protected as his child.
This is a little scary to post. You can use your own discernment.
My belief is that to evil I am his. I use to think I was under spiritual attack but I understand all my hurt and shame didn't seperate me from God.
Hurting myself was my choice yet he always is with me and finds a way to bring people for me to see him through.
I honor people have a right to believe what they want I don't judge. For me its God.
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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Heather Brearley Poem
Though I don't know your will God.
You find a way to show me your there.
When I am in darkness! You are my light.
When I am crying you wipe away my tears!
When I am lost you provide away.
When I am useless you find a way to use me.
When I am alone you are my constant companion.
When I am wronged and struggle letting it go you are
Patient with me till I can.
Yours timing is alwsys perfect in always impeccable.
When I need too see you I recieve a blessing.
I may not have much I may be one step out on the street.
You will be beside me I give my all to you.
Copyright © Heather Brearley | Year Posted 2019
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