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Steven Clair Poem
I tried to make a home in a home that wasn’t meant for me.
Deep within the woods, there was a cabin that sheltered me when the world was too much to bear.
During my stay there, the faucet dripped alcohol and air vents blew puffs of smoke that lingered and left an unintentional high.
In the bed room, light peered through the window right above a bed.
The bed sank deeper with every pound of pressure i put on it.
Nights in that bed were very lonely.
So much emotional baggage was left there, in hopes someone would help.
The ceiling leaked as if the rain were tears
And it could no longer hide the pain it silently endured.
I tried running away from home but always found myself returning time and time again.
Sometimes i returned after the house was abandoned.
Upon each return, more damage appeared and the door became harder and harder to open.
I would pick up all the broken pieces and admire them because there was still a beauty to them.
I hope someone sees the beauty others didn’t.
Sometimes i return just to get a glimpse of the past. A simpler time, before the foundation was cracked by lies.
I feared the house collapsing because i was afraid of losing those memories stored inside.
Looking at the cabin in the distance i realized
I can not make a home inside a home i do not belong in.
Copyright © Steven Clair | Year Posted 2019
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Steven Clair Poem
Take a deep breath, i say to myself as i
Slowly walk down the dirt driveway
Thinking about how inviting me must have been a Mistake
The door creeks open and the smell of marijuana hits me like a brick wall
If only that wall was the door closing on me
Because i am not someone who belongs here
I make my way through the crowd trying to find you.
Your eyes glossed over and wine spills out of your glass as you raise it to slur “ 123 drink”
But even in your intoxicated state you look happy to see me.
I feel like a burden every time i cross through the door
I’m just someone you tolerate.
Through your persuasion i allow myself
to drink with everyone.
It becomes a truth serum and allows everyone to over share anything and everything about their-self.
You sit across from me.
And i can tell that you’re thinking of something but don’t know if you can say it.
So instead you start multiple rounds of “ can i ask you a question”
Eventually we just move this party up to your room.
My chest is tight at the thought of every other guy you’d probably want to be spending this time with.
But it’s me you asked to join you.
But I am not a late night call
I can not satisfy those cravings for you
But still you welcome me in
In hopes that I’m drunk enough to let my walls down
As you let your pants fall down.
In the dark, you allow my hands to explore every inch of your body.
Crossing over your insecurities that quickly become more reasons to love you.
More rapid fire questions come and i can not find the way to answer them platonically
Platonically i say because that’s your favorite word with me.
The things you ask me are not something you’d be proud of.
But as long as they’re “platonically” done it’s okay.
And i do it even though i know i shouldn’t
And when it’s all said and done i know you’re still thinking about him.
And it’s hard not to compare myself to him when I’m sleeping next to you.
Because i know you’d rather wake up next to him
But there’s nothing i want more than to fall asleep next to you.
Copyright © Steven Clair | Year Posted 2019
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Steven Clair Poem
“ i love you, but I’m not in love with you” you say as i drown myself in another round of tequila shots.
Numbing the pain the week has forced upon me
where my darkness has creeped up on me and haunted my thoughts
Yet you think those words are exactly what i need to hear.
“ i love you, but I’m not in love with you ” you say as suddenly my stretch marks become large canyons on my body.
Creating a distance that no man is brave enough to cross.
But you think that’s okay because you still “ love me”
“ i love you but I’m not in love with you” you say as your ex boyfriend’s name lights up on your phone.
I can’t help but wonder if you’re still craving his toxicity dripping off your lips as he spoon feeds you lie after lie.
And when you lie with him, i wonder how you will react to him telling you what you have told me so many times.
“ i love you, but I’m not in love with you”
Copyright © Steven Clair | Year Posted 2019
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Details |
Steven Clair Poem
At the dinner table
We slur our words as wine becomes a truth serum.
Only this time it is your turn to say too much.
Over sharing is what you do best and because of that Silence now fills the room.
I am unable to find the feelings i want to express because instead i just feel angry and sad for you all at the same time.
My voice begins to raise and crack but your silence is so loud it cuts deeper.
I do not understand how someone can let another person drag them through the mud and yet they remain so loyal to them
I do not know why i still stay here
But i do not leave.
Silence.
I lay next to you as you drift off to sleep
There is so much i want to tell you but i know that it is not worth it.
But you are worth it.
You are worth so much more than someone who only craves you when they are lonely and a dildo is no longer pleasurable.
“You are worth so much more than someone desperate enough for the nearest mouth”
I whisper to myself as i can taste my salty tears.
I do not know why i stay here
But i do not leave
Days go by and i sit waiting for you to respond
But when you’re upset the only way you express yourself is silence.
I keep thinking of all the ways this will end.
It is too tiring to keep feeling this way.
But you’re already standing at the door.
You could easily walk out
Maybe this time you won’t look back.
Silence
I can taste my salty tears again as i begin to think about your absence.
You’re right there in front of me but it feels like you’re already gone.
I want to apologize for everything even though this time there is nothing i did wrong.
You start to walk towards your car and wave goodbye as you pull out of the driveway
I don’t know why i stayed
But it was you who left.
Copyright © Steven Clair | Year Posted 2019
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