The Night Every Thing Changed

Take a deep breath, i say to myself as i Slowly walk down the dirt driveway Thinking about how inviting me must have been a Mistake The door creeks open and the smell of marijuana hits me like a brick wall If only that wall was the door closing on me Because i am not someone who belongs here I make my way through the crowd trying to find you. Your eyes glossed over and wine spills out of your glass as you raise it to slur “ 123 drink” But even in your intoxicated state you look happy to see me. I feel like a burden every time i cross through the door I’m just someone you tolerate. Through your persuasion i allow myself to drink with everyone. It becomes a truth serum and allows everyone to over share anything and everything about their-self. You sit across from me. And i can tell that you’re thinking of something but don’t know if you can say it. So instead you start multiple rounds of “ can i ask you a question” Eventually we just move this party up to your room. My chest is tight at the thought of every other guy you’d probably want to be spending this time with. But it’s me you asked to join you. But I am not a late night call I can not satisfy those cravings for you But still you welcome me in In hopes that I’m drunk enough to let my walls down As you let your pants fall down. In the dark, you allow my hands to explore every inch of your body. Crossing over your insecurities that quickly become more reasons to love you. More rapid fire questions come and i can not find the way to answer them platonically Platonically i say because that’s your favorite word with me. The things you ask me are not something you’d be proud of. But as long as they’re “platonically” done it’s okay. And i do it even though i know i shouldn’t And when it’s all said and done i know you’re still thinking about him. And it’s hard not to compare myself to him when I’m sleeping next to you. Because i know you’d rather wake up next to him But there’s nothing i want more than to fall asleep next to you.