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Eugene Carmen Poem
She is a predator at night and a proper lady in the day
Young men, the younger the better but in their early 30's is okay
She has money, but wants to own several men
They can't satisfy her cravings, but do the best they can
She knows their weaknesses, like Superman and Lex Luthor
She is a well known species, she is a Cougar
Her men better be in shape, she likes the hunks
Buys them drinks to get them drunk
She looks good for her ripe age
But without the makeup, she could be put in a cage
She wears the Minks, not some on sale Kmart fur
She lives next door, watch out for the huntress in the local cougar
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2010
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Eugene Carmen Poem
They know all the loop holes for the IRS
Elaborate parties, tuxedoes and women in their 5,000 dollar dresses
A cardboard box, another statistic for the homeless
A corporate exec did a downsize today
The car repossessed, the house taken away
Sometimes reality is a person's real life movie of horror
The rich get richer, the poor get poorer
Some have never known to go to sleep without a meal
Our government turns a blind eye does not want to see what's real
America's rich worried about the homeless overseas
The poor get spitted in their faces by those wealthy celebrities
A billionaire wouldn't even foot the taxes for the cars she gave away
Never forget where you came from, you may have to return there someday
All the rich have a gold key to the IRS's back door
They know all the loop holes for the IRS
Elaborate parties, tuxedoes and women in their 5,000 dollar dresses
A cardboard box, another statistic for the homeless
A corporate exec did a downsize today
The car repossessed, the house taken away
Sometimes reality is a person's real life movie of horror
The rich get richer, the poor get poorer
Some have never known to go to sleep without a meal
Our government turns a blind eye does not want to see what's real
America's rich worried about the homeless overseas
The poor get spitted in their faces by those wealthy celebrities
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
Come join the three for another cheap, meaningless day in their lives
They consider themselves to be hip, part of the same sex marriage, Burly the
husband, Flo and Mary the wives
Their day always starts at the breakfast table bashing the males that exist
They wish the males could be on the endangered species list
Sometimes things change among the three, as the estrogen level rises in Burly
Once a month, she wants to be a wife and act very girly
As for Mary and Flo, they think Oprah is hot
Burly thinks Rosie O'Donnell has the goodies she so much has sought
They sip their Busch Beer out of Nascar Coozies
There is no more room for anymore women within the circle of The Three
Floozies
From their point of view, all men should be women's slaves
Burly has a strong scent of Old Spice after shave
They love watching domineering women type movies
The popcorn is shared by all Three Floozies
They go out to only all girls clubs
They cheer on the under dogs, their favorite one is the Chicago Cubs
Their closets are full of clothes by Dickies
They leave each other love notes on little stickies
Mary likes champagne on a store brand soda budget
Flo likes Butterbeans with cumin to make them smell pungent
Burly likes Pickled Eggs and sardines
Burly's favorite movie line is In space no one can hear you scream
Flo's favorite movie line is Go ahead, make my day
Mary's favorite movie line is My name is Chucky, do you wanna play?
Burly dreams of one day wrestlin' steers
Mary is concerned that Burly one day will leave, that's her worst fear
Flo watches the WWE, she is such a loyal fan
Burly uses her forehead to smash empty beer cans
None of you are mothers, so on your peanut butter selection, quit being choosy
Mary, Flo and Burly are today's Three Floozies
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
The immigration is coming for me
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card
I have gas and burps because of the food
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey
I sneak through a hole in the fence
This shows the border patrol is incompetent
I am again caught and sent back across the border
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard
This all goes back to when I lost my green card
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
As we stop, I pull out my jar of Vic's vapor rub
I put some up my nostrils, this job you cannot love
But it pays the bills, I make my living
Trash day is when people are most giving
They are selfless when getting rid of what they see as junk
Whew! That smell from the back of a garbage truck
I spot a pair of shoes for my kid
I will wash them first, get rid of the odor of rotted squid
My niece's birthday is coming up soon
I found a playhouse with dishes, forks, cups and spoons
It's family night tonight at home
The unknown video I found will be shown
Finding the right stuff is a matter of luck
It is just my point of view from the back of a garbage truck
I found a half a bucket of KFC
I take a smell, it smells as fresh as can be, what a surprise for my family
Two hours later, the family can't keep their meal down
They are so ungrateful about the food I found
I am on a strict budget, I have to find a way to save a couple bucks
More dinners will be found because I work on the back of a garbage truck
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
I work hard at work and then at home
In the bathroom is the only place I am King of the throne
There is such a thing as a honey do list
And at work so much to do, no time for bliss
I did something that I know I will never regret
I went and stole a portalette
It fits perfect in the corner of my back yard
I notice the neighbors outside working real hard
We negotiate an admission fee for them to use it
I put up a sign that reads Enjoy it, but don't abuse it
I hire the Chicanos around the corner to add some graffiti
I took advantage of Zero percent financing from Sears to install some central air
and heating
Next summer I will expand it and add another wall
This will be where I will have a spa
I just put in cable tv to provide entertainment
Now my friends want to steal their own portalette
I told them construction sites are probably an ideal place to get one
I tell them to check and see how full it is, because spilling it ain't no fun
If it is full, complain to the Site Foreman so he will get it emptied, thus, making it
easier for you to handle
Be careful of the methane gas, use a flashlight, not a candle
Odo Ban works better than Febreeze
Try to place it under some shade trees
It will keep the temperature inside moderate
Take pride in your newly acquired portalette
If you treat it right, it will provide you with this one thing
It may not happen in your own home, but in your portalette you can always be King
But now you get into the issue of His or Hers
Another visit to the construction site may have to occur
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
So you are choosing Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs
You love to eat them from a zip loc bag at the mall
You grew up in the deep south eating these odd things
For instance, you choose chicken feet with toe nails instead of chicken wings
You said you would eat the Rock Oysters with spaghetti or rice, it really doesn't
matter
Sometimes you eat them fried in a Tempura Batter
Do you ever feel remorse knowing some baby pigs are missing their Pa
All because you prefer Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs
I can't condone your preference for what you would call a tasty treat
Something is wrong passing up boiled eggs for pickled pig's feet
The stuff you eat would have me being a frequent flyer to a bathroom stall
I can't get past you showing favorites to Rocky Mountain Oysters Over Meatballs
Did anyone tell you what they really are
It's not something you eat with a date gazing at the stars
My mind has always been open to try different things
But I need to draw the line eating a male animal's bling bling
I've eaten camel, horse, octopus even legs of frogs
Down in Tijuana, I ate tacos made from dog
You say what's wrong with this, I share these with my in laws
Another advantage is Rocky Mountain Oysters cost less than your run of the mill
Meatballs
Have you tried them with a little bit of Texas Pete
Rumor has it they started with sheep on the island of Crete
I do however like a good seasoned batch of Collard Greens
Can't quite completely criticize the South, I am caught in between
But I do get a kick out of the deep Southern Drawl
But I am still a Yankee when declining Rocky Mountain Oysters over Meatballs
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
It all started in kindergarten with cowboys on them
Next came Smokey and the Bandit's Trans Am
Collected a pair Doris Day once wore
Took a pair from the garbage at the curb next door
While most people are Jonesin' I am Sammin'
When night time is my time I can secretly be pajammin'
I have a pair from Frederick's of Hollywood on order
A pair from Taco Bell with their slogan, Make a Run For the Border
An organic pair made out of Poison Ivy, that I will never wear
A pair from my Psychatrist asking is Anybody In There?
From Janet Lee's suitcase in Psycho
A pair with the Gecco from GEICO
A pair I wear only during the NBA season so I can do some dunkin' and slammin'
I am definitely a closet case when it comes to pajammin'
I have a pair directly from the WWE
A pair designed by David Hasselhoff, now that is scary
A Richard Dawson pair from Family Feud
A pair from Nancy Grace with her quote, "Some Other Dude"
A silk pair from the weaves of China
Speaking of weaves, I stole a pair from Aunt Jemima
A pair from Captain D's, they smell like fish, I mean they are really clammin'
Nobody would appreciate a good, solid, living on the edge type pajammin'
Once again I appreciate the night when it arrives
Sometimes I get so excited, it gives me the hives
So where is America's understandin'
I see no get togethers for us who are obsessed with pajammin'
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
My youngest one summer came and stayed with me
I was in the Navy stationed in Millington, TN
One day he was involved in a rock fight
A busted open head led him to the hospital that particular night
He asked me when they have to do stitches what do they use
I laughed and said a sewing machine, he wasn't amused
After a couple of weeks, his head healed up fine
To remove them would be sixty dollars to pay for the doctor's time
I told my brother I would be the doctor and do a house call
To my amazement I removed them all
I regret the day I sent him back home
He was pretty much all alone
He would give me a call always collect
Though the phone got high I would always accept
One evening, as I walked in the door, the phone rang and I said here goes the
phone bill
But it wasn't him, it was my brother Larry saying Wayne had just been killed
Wayne had decided to take Dad's pickup out for a joy ride
On an icy road, he lost control, hit a bridge support and smashing in the driver's
side
His lifeless body was lying face down
In a ditch where he was found
The doctor said he suffered no pain
My brother Kenny found Wayne's ball cap, bloodying his hands, his nightmares
still remain
To this day I carry the guilt about the bill when the phone rang
How much I miss my brother Wayne
My brother David is an emotionless guy
But at the wake he had to cry
Life has a way of taking its toll
Always try to look at the glass half full
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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Eugene Carmen Poem
I watch very intently, as each move is made
Who is in the sun and who is in the shade
From the California Cheese to the Midwest Plains
It is affecting their brains
A good burger needs all the fixins, hey Mom, don't forget the cheese
But we don't want the Mad Cow Disease
Take Chester as an example
He wanted to handle matters himself, ended up getting trampled
Jane does exist, but her last name isn't Doe
But she is in love with John, that's why her face is aglow
Judy was down at a Saints game and ran on to the field to join the huddle
claiming she was replacing Drew Breeze
This is only a few that have been taken over by the Mad Cow Disease
How many more people will be labotomized
This disease wears a brilliant disguise
Go ahead laugh if you must
Who will be laughing when the famous words are read, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to
Dust
Let's pass this on to the illegal refugees
Then send them back where they came from and share their wealth of the Mad
Cow Disease
Copyright © Eugene Carmen | Year Posted 2008
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