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Best Poems Written by David Willey

Below are the all-time best David Willey poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | David Willey Poem

Adult Education

Schools back after summer, hip hip hooray
See my favourite teachers back
Now that’s definitely made my day
Miss, you’re absolutely amazing
The only one I’ve ever had
I can’t wait for teacher training
Receiving lessons from the best
I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you
That’s all I ned to say
Last year was a little fraught
For I started very late
Miss your lessons are so arousing
I’m ready to make a start
With one on one tuition
I’m always standing proud
I wondered if I wrote nicely
Someone would sponsor me
I might even be entitled to a grant
An adult education grant
Don't think that’s very hopeful
Looks like I’m back to self funding
Robbing the piggy bank

Details | David Willey Poem

Tennis Anyone

Starting with the toss up
I’ve made an unforced error
I’ve only gone and followed through
Squeezed the jissom out the old fella
New balls (and pants) please – love all
I think your ace
With a backhand that’s made for passing
On top of a lovely forehand
With a lovely high toss that’s absolutely smashing
Sure you moan and groan
But I love the racquet you make
Lets have another rally
Are you sure you’re not courting
I’ve a changing room free
If you fancy finishing me off
With a serve and volley after

Details | David Willey Poem

Life Ups and Downs

They say a life journey is full of ups and downs
They also say in life, you should start at the bottom and work your way up
I find this totally confusing and no help at all when I’m with you
My muddle is your bottoms in the middle, how can that be true
Plus your bottoms at the back, surely that’s all back to front you see
Now do you see my quandary, not only am I starting in the middle I’m also back to front
It’s no wonder I struggle understanding you, I don’t even though where to begin
Oh! the pleasure of life and it’s complexities and I even haven’t started to begin

Details | David Willey Poem

The Saucy Pickle

I know I do this every time I think of you
I end up with a stiff little pickle and in a flipping mess
Now I know you think it’s saucy and like to have a laugh
But I’m the one with spicy piccalilli all over my flaming lap
I relish the challenge in being a pickle in a tight squeeze 
For this little pickle marinades himself in honey from a bee
You may think that a pickle and honey wouldn’t go together 
But I can rest assure you they are actually the spice of life
A condiment together, and though you chutney sometimes
I always relish dipping my little pickle in your honey pot
Can’t wait to savoury spread your legs and syrup my pickle in
For honey you are the sweetest dessert that there’s ever been.
 
ps: If you ever need to find me I’ll be in the supermarket isle - savouries and sauces.

Details | David Willey Poem

Animal Attraction

Be aware of the Cougar, the big mountain Cat
Now I know you like mounting, but your just a Pussy Cat
I sometimes think you’re Horsey, and like a good jump
Perhaps therefore a Mare, with a lovely Ass as a rump
Anyway, rather than Rabbiting on and Ferreting around without any luck
I wish I could Rooster up the courage to ask you for a Shag (f__k)
Anyway I’ll keep on admiring your Boobies for I’m a Horny Toad
Hoping you’ll Goblin Shark my Dik-dik has you empty my Polecat of it’s Sperm Whale all over your Beaver below.
If I’m Puffin out of steam, at least you’ll have your Armadillo handy to finish yourself off.
Seriously, your animal attraction knows no bounds

Details | David Willey Poem

Butts and Bottoms

They say in life you should start at the bottom and work your way up
Butt your bottoms in the middle, I’m betwixt, in between
Well that’s a bit of a bummer which way do I turn
My only saving grace is your bottom is so gorgeous
So I’m in no rush to pull away
The view is unbelievable, what an amazing pair of cheeks
So rounded and alluring I’m always taking a peek
For all I ever want to do is admire and caress
Each cheek lovingly filling the palm of my hands
I gently need away, as you do with dough
Just the texture is more softer resembling more a fruit you know
The feels not that of a melon, too round and hard
Perhaps a little smaller like a lemon or a lime
But they taste sour and your bums nothing like that
What about a plum, I must be getting close 
Don’t be silly you’ve already got your plums in your sack
I’ve only gone and cracked it
What a lovely peach of a bum you have; I can vouch for that.

Details | David Willey Poem

Your Fancy

I love the thought of tickling your fancy
And dipping my finger in
But I suppose that depends just what you fancy
Has to whether I’m allowed to begin
I think I know what you fancy
So can I start straight away
Go on gorgeous can I come and play
Let me tickle your fancy gently
I’m sure you’ll be tickled pink
Even a bit of slap and tickle, wink, wink, wink, wink
You can ring my bell,  just pull my ding a ling
Better watch out just in case you tickle too
You’re making me giggle
Giddy with glee I think I need a wee
I don’t half fancy you

Details | David Willey Poem

Mattress

Can I be your mattress
On your lovely bed
I come in varying sizes
From single To Californian King
With a choice of different fillings
For you to take your pick
When you’re feeling racy
I’m a dizzy mess
When you’re feeling sexy
I’ll add a little spring
Felling more rampant
You’ll enjoy a good jump
Fancy a slap and tickle
You could sailor in to a seaman
On the waves of a water bed
You won’t even notice I’m there
Softly absorbing but equally well sprung
I’ll be as quiet as a mouse
Especially when you’re on top of me
And the lights have all gone out

Details | David Willey Poem

Bowling the Maiden Over

Cricket is a game of love
Full of puns and innuendo
As a lass I’d love to bowl you over
By having you a maiden over
A couple of opening googlies
Spin balls should do the trick
Middle of the over adds
Two chesty bouncers to the mix
Fifth could be an angler
To draw a lovely catch
Sixth ball to earn a maiden over
What else but a full toss 
Just to finish me off
Now all I need to know
With a six dot ball over
Have I won my maiden over

Details | David Willey Poem

Teasingly Tasteful

What a stunning body
More pleasing on the eye than you’ll ever know
A selection of voluptuous curves and pleasing undulations
So scintillating and gorgeous like an alpine pass
If you were a national park you’d truly be a site of natural interest
Please call me David Livingstone
And allow me the pleasure in exploring
Enjoying the breast of both worlds with the mounds of your bosom
Sliding down over your lovely belly bump
Before splashing down in your crystal ocean
Now I may be bum tired after all the excitement
But just remember I love your body
I do I do I do