I was asleep now I’m awake
Had a bad dream about rape
Im okay it wasn’t real
But it hasn’t happened in so many years
I’m a survivor of incest
I forgave dad not upset
I write now just to sift
Bad from past let soul lift
Up others who say get over it
We do you know but the brain plays tricks
We can be triggered even if well
So we get it out when we tell
I am a survivor till I’m dead
I am a survivor survivor I said
i overdosed for the first time last night
all the times i spent trying before
didn't seem as bad anymore
i laid in bed trying to sleep
hoping this would be the time
my eyes stayed closed forever
but i was held awake against my will
deep in my brain,
i knew something was wrong
even if this is what i've been wishing for
for so long
in the past i managed to fall right to sleep
when i took less than i did now
i wanted to be swept into dreamland
but the wheels in my brain kept turning
and my body did too
flipping back and forth
trying to be in a comfortable final position
i kept getting hot
no matter how little blanket i had on
and the wave of nausea hit
i thought i could be fine
go to sleep, make it all go away
all of it
but as i rushed into my bathroom
at four in the morning
i knew tonight wouldn't be the night
as my head hung over the toilet
i wondered why i'm forced to stay
reliving the same treacherous days
without anyone knowing
because how do you even bring that up?
to someone?
i don't know why this world is so adamant
to keep me here, held captive as a prisoner
is this karma?
what did i do that was so bad?
to deserve this?
I still remember the day you stole my innocence away.
The world shifted—
colors drained from golden light to endless shadow.
It started as a simple conversation,
slowly pulling me down to your basement.
I was only 13 years old
when you left me to walk home on shaking legs.
At first, I thought I deserved it—
because fear stole my words before I could speak.
You stole my voice, my innocence, my dignity, leaving me with nothing but fragments of myself.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse,
it did.
Another man used his hands,
leaving me with bruises and broken ribs.
He said it was because "he could."
But my story didn’t end there—
I would never allow it.
I was left with scars, but never silence.
I am a survivor, not a coward.
As the room closes in,
my heart begins to pound,
body begins to shiver.
With every cut,
a story told,
in crimson lines
emotions unfold.
But in the darkness,
there's a light,
a glimmer of hope,
shining bright.
For within the scars,
resilience lies.
To those who are hurting,
I hear you,
I see you.
Depression feels like it's eating me inside,
Feels like the world is ending and all I want to do is cry,
Bills piling up so high,
And my worth of living makes me want to die,
It's killing me inside,
I can confide,
But what will it change,
Everything feels out of range,
Screaming for a life preserver as I'm drowning,
But the water is forcing me under,
I'm suffocating,
I'm losing,
It's killing me inside,
Try so hard but fail each time,
I'm losing an uphill battle,
I lost my battle cry,
Maybe it's just easier if I gave up,
And let surviving die.
Trigger warning;
Cock back aim;
Just make sure you’re pointing
the barrel the right way;
Trigger warning;
Cock back aim;
Someone trying to tell you what to do?
You already know what you need to do;
Trigger warning;
Cock back aim;
Take the mirror and shatter it;
Say what you need to say;
Trigger warning;
Cock back aim;
Don’t be a reflection of the ‘quiet’
they are screaming for you to be;
Trigger warning;
Cock back aim;
Silence should be
the only trigger warning we need.
Looking through old posts and being reminded of the despair I was feeling a few years ago...
Posts about suicide
Posts about self harm
Posts about never feeling worthy
Posts about not wanting to be alive.
It hurts to be reminded of the pain I was feeling.
In the depths of my depression and self-loathing;
Thoughts of escaping the abyss were my only companion.
The ache remembering all of my negative thoughts and swirling darkness inside my mind.
If I could go back I would tell you to hold on;
Don’t think about the bridge, or put down that knife.
It will not take the pain away.
I would tell you that you make it;
Scathed and scarred, but very much alive.
I would tell you that you find love;
A love that will aid the healing.
But most of all I would tell you;
You are worthy. You are loved. You are fearless. And one day you will know that this enough.
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