My mother was spring cleaning
So I needed a reason to escape
I have got a devilish mind
and my cunning plan is taking shape.
The plug has fallen off the hoover
I've unscrewed the head from the sweeping brush
A little superglue on the furniture polish
and the button will not push .
Tomato ketchup on my white sock
I've trodden on a nail
Link that my acting
and my cunning plan can't fail
but mothers know when something is fishy
She gave me that look that doesn't need to speak
I lost use of my computer
and got grounded for a week.
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
it started out white
but the late snow was weeks old.
results were a fright –
those red pepper lips, corn teeth,
tomato ketchup eyes,
the tire-track forehead,
the oil and grit in his cheeks –
my roadside snowman.
and those dried apricot ears
been in the pantry for years
abominable! –
chest a tattered cardboard box,
gloves were threadbare sox
on discarded broomstick arms –
my roadside snowman
save demise for last –
the tall, wide-brimmed plastic hat
was what did him in.
when the morning sun came out
just everything went flat
what a sorry sight
that vegetable salad
in a muddy drool,
with young springtime’s merry sun
the ruin of late winter’s fun