It’s been a hard day but there’s no laws to say
That I can’t settle down with a gin
Late night R & R with an hour of TV
And then I will maybe turn in
The gin… that was easy, just spin that screw cap
Then tip up the bottle and pour
But what freaking demon has screwed G & T
It never was this hard before
This flaming recycling nonsense is mad
With screw caps that won’t separate
The cap and the bottle do not come apart
And boy does it make me irate
A one handed action to top up my glass
To sparkle and fizz as I sip
But that is no more because some lunatic
Decided he’d give me some gyp
Brute force is required to crack that first seal
But the cap simply won’t unattach
It sits in the flow and it will not let go
As it acts like a half open hatch
So now I need one hand to angle the bottle
Another to hold back the cap
It’s driving me nuts, I just want to relax
So much for this net zero crap
My bottle of tonic is sat in the cooler
But I settle down in my seat
The medics are worried about a big rise
In folk drinking alcohol neat.
Categories:
tip up, anger, drink,
Form: Rhyme
If I had
Poem
Lionel Derbyshire
If I had
this little granddaughter or
that little grandson
of my own
I would award them
a little bucket and spade
and uniform
of their own
with a little
tip up truck
for their litter load.
I would give em
some garden space
of their own
to plant a little
muddy seed
to start
their little garden
on their own.
Their little
muddy cuddy fingers
to dig and grow pumkin
carrot, strawberry,
potatoe and tomato
on their own
I would buy for those
little muddy face's
earthworm and compost
to dig and learn
how things grow
same they do.
and ask them ever
to never forget
their little garden
they grow by their own.
And dearly
i love would
love to see them
grow to 21.
Categories:
tip up, celebration, child, emotions, future,
Form: ABC
I stuck a Q-tip up my nose
to see what I would find
Mother wasn't at home just then
you know shes a bit of the meddling kind
I couldn't do what I really like
(mom said she read somewhere that it will make me go blind)
Any way, I poked around and I probed around
and spun it around a bit
Then with a mighty push
I shoved it in just to see how far up it would fit
All of a sudden My life flashed, my brain screamed
and blood flowed out of my nose like cheap draft beer
the pain was so great my "jewels" shriveled
and I shrieked like a little *****
Just before going to meet grandma
mothers voice is all I could hear
"how many times have I told you you twit. "
"you blow your nose, Q-tips are made for your ear."
Categories:
tip up, funny,
Form: Light Verse