PACHY ,PACHY PACHYDERM
by
JOHN M. ARRIBAS
I own a little ranchette, ftve acres, more or less
With a two storey colonial, gorgeously dressed
With a wrap around balcony on the second floor
With a large rose garden. Who could ask for more?
Green Bahamian shutters, with walls oyster white
The ultimate luxury for any upscale suburbanite
Did I mention the pool, with a three meter board
Or the alpine garage, where my two cars are stored
The manicured lawns and evenly trimmed hedges
A small pond, washed stones, over hanging ledges
A pure white gazebo in a french colonial style
Encircled by interlocked magenta colored tile
Near the corner there’s hundred year old elm tree
Only thing missing is someone to share this with me
Categories:
suburbanite, absence, blue, for her,
Form: Rhyme
I'm just a regular guy with a regular job,
Just your average, run of the mill suburbanite slob.
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
while motorists behind me are going insane.
I use public toilets and I urinate on the seat
and if by chance in the restroom we do meet,
I'll shake your hand before washing mine guaranteed.
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
while handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm obnoxious, stupid, inconsiderate and bold.
I'm an idiot, I'm a moron, I'm an A HOLE!!!
*
All People Have One.
Some People Are One.
*
Dedicated To All Of The A Holes Out There.
Categories:
suburbanite, dedication,
Form: Rhyme
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm just your average suburbanite slob.
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
while people behind me are going insane.
I use public toilets and I urinate on the seat,
I walk around in the summer saying, "How about this heat?"
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
while handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I've been asked, "How can you be so inconsiderate and bold?"
My answer is simply, "I'm an A-Hole."
Categories:
suburbanite, people,
Form: Rhyme
(Parody of "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love)
Come stay with me and be my maid
and once a month you will be paid.
("under the table" it will be;
no taxes taken out by ME!)
You’ll clean the toilets and make my bed,
and see the kids and pets get fed.
The benefit for you will be
in sending cash to family
you’ve left behind in Mexico,
while in the States you’re “laying low.”
Your being here will help me too.
I’ve so much work for you to do!
I’ll save a lot of my OWN dough
(We won’t let Immigration know).
Yes, come and stay with me and mine.
America’s “Dream” can be divine!
For Dr. Ram Mehta's Parody contest
Categories:
suburbanite, parodyme, me,
Form: I do not know?
A is for angry atheist angst
B- you're bleeding bruised broken taking your allowance to the bank
C is for cutting, crimson and crying
D is for daemons, death, darkness, and dying
E is for everything gone wrong in your life
F is the freedom you find in the knife
G is for gothic, straight from the womb
H is for the latest hawthorne heights tune
I is for immortal- you've commited suicide ten times already
J is for the jaded and emotionally unsteady
K is the knife you "accidentally" misplaced
L is for losers, lost life and lace
M is for makeup that cakes up your face
N is the nightlight to keep away the dark you "embrace"
O is because you're obviously obscure
P is for poetry or prose- you're not sure
Q is for quiet, you sit all alone
R is for razors when no one picks up the phone
S is for screamo you can't get enough
T is for tears damn, being fourteen is tough!
U is for ubiquitous mental disease
V is for vacant vacuous vampire wanna-be's
W is for whiny,well-fed suburbanite teens
X is for Xanax- you know what it means
Y is for youth spent all about you and your anhedonia
No diamond in the rough, you're just another cubic zirconia
Categories:
suburbanite, allegory, angst, funny, life,
Form: ABC