Short Kvetch Poems

    Live free or die 
      so defiant your sentiment

    No rent-free for me, thanks
       You kvetch and cry... 
        I'll buy 
         ~ farewell, foul-mouthed fellow tenant
...

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If life were always caviar
And chocolate and champagne,
We wouldn’t have the luxury
Of getting to complain.

And wouldn’t that be awful!
Every human needs to kvetch.
Come to think of it, both caviar
And bubbly make me bletch!...

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Ronald Reagan in his prime
Was a foodie, way ahead of his time
   Though others thought it 'kvetch-able'
   He daringly labeled ketchup, on meat, a vegetable!


             January 23, 2019 
Entry in "Educate Me with Humor - Leader" Poetry Contest
          Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich...

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Spoiled soy burgers
  and marshmallow spam
Find all the worms
  in the uncured ham

Mustard stew a la mode
  pistachio-flavored tongue of toad
Dandelion roots in stuffing of turkey
  makes digestion extra-perky

Fancy diets? - Gain weight and kvetch
  Eat this stuff! Shed pounds ~ just retch...

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I will eat liver periodically despite doc's kvetch

   When I cease to function, upon my cold granite stone you may etch:

      "Too much cholesterol clogged the veins of this unfortunate wretch!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Tied for No. 5 in Dr. Ram's "Triplet" Contest - August 2011...

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I’m on an A320.
It’s a plane that isn’t new,
So everything on board is old
Except, of course, the crew.

The little TV screens don’t work
Nor do the reading lights.
There’s no place to plug chargers,
Quite unusual for flights.

The seats are full and I could kvetch
Much more, without a doubt,
But I’ll be fine as long as
Windows don’t start popping out.
...

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Calendar commences, conviviality,
kids kvetch knishes cold,
cantaloupe crappy,
kids constantly crunching cookies,
cake, candy.
Could kayaking, canoeing, camping
in Canada cure cantankerous
children's contention?
Can caddying at the country club
conquer kid's complaining?
chaos could conduce calamity,
kindred claiming complete cuckoo-ness,
summer sanity-stealing s'mores scavengers!...

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I'm never really in a rush
To traipse through gushy, mushy slush
Like that on any city street
Where puddles form from melting sleet.

The passing traffic sends up sprays
Of wetness that's seen better days
To splatter on your favorite coat
(And splash avoidance seems remote).

So in your boots just stride right through
And do what all New Yorkers do,
Which is to shrug or maybe kvetch
'Til we complete this slushy stretch....

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It's something that is not quite true
And fits some limousines.
It helps before you exercise
Or lets you put on jeans.

You do it when you're waking up
Or else when tired, maybe;
And it can leave some tummy marks
When you have had a baby.

When reaching for an item
Way too high upon a shelf,
You might employ one if you want
To get the thing yourself.

If we could never use this
We'd have cause to moan or kvetch,
But we're lucky that in all its forms
It's possible to stretch....

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