Short Crapped Poems

Bird aloft in the sky
soaring on majestic wings, 
he crapped on my car...

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Roll the dice now...
hope for six, not a seven.
Crapped out, snake eyes!...

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The Old Man has never
walked on the Moon
but he has crapped his pants
and he has puked on his wife's shoes
but after drinking a bottle of whiskey
The Old Man killed it when he played the blues....

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When I first heard of your demise,
I was at McDonald's eating a cheeseburger and fries.
And when the newscaster said
you’d died when an elephant crapped on your head,
it didn't come as a big surprise.
...

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Release the hounds

Call out the guard 

Some simple fool

Crapped in my yard 

Oh woe is me

Oh heavy sigh

Look at this poo

Piled a mile high 

No words will help 

No song be sung

Just tell me now

Who flung the dung...

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Listen to poem:

Isn’t there just days you wished you had stayed in bed
I went to the shops, and a seagull crapped on my head
 
Everyone laughing saying you know it means good luck 
Not quite what I thought, as trying to remove the muck

Yeah, Lordy, how I wished I had stayed in bed


...

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Trumpty dumpty built his great wall
                                                 Trumpty dumpty crapped on us all
                                                 All of his felons and all their men 
                                                 given a second term will betray us again....

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She pointed her eyes at the photo 
and squelched my hopes with just four words 
"good luck with that"
I was planning on turning it into a masterpiece 
but she made it look like I had  just crapped on it 
 Too bad I didn't see her shade of green,        
nor how she was so mean....

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Chubby cheeks,
with red dumplings,
a chin having,
a deep adorable sink,
with wide blue eyes,
having a naughty twink,
his golden locks,
were soft,
and plenty,
his baby fragrance,
I used to inhale deep,
as in my lap,
he used to sleep,
its only when,
he stirred,
burped,
and crapped,
that his innocent helpless,
beauty,
in fact seeped....

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I despair when I’ve stepped in dog poo
Excrement on the sole of my shoe
It would be indiscreet
If I crapped in the street
I wish doggies would use a pooch loo!

I mowed the grass but now feel forlorn
I see cat poo all over my lawn
My neighbour’s pussy
Is so darn fussy ...
It's just my lawn that he treats with scorn!

Here’s my whine now pass the Cheese Contest
Sponsored by Phillip Garcia

08~01~16...

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The dog barked ,
and its puppies yelped,
I was raised,
mulling my eyes,
I got out,
something was definitely wrong,
the winter bit in my bed clothes,
and crapped through legs deep in,
shaking my head,
to drop the drowse,
I began to look for my glasses,
and frantically browsed,
getting them on table,
I put them on,
and went to the door,
cranking it ajar,
I stepped to the kennel,
only to find,
that nothing was wrong,
the canine family,
simply needed more of flannel....

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For fun we played a mind-game,
deciding to imagine a perfect dragon.

She put together a plump pink dragon
that blew rainbow bubbles
and smelled of minty chewing gum.

Mine was an iridescent cockatrice,
a spiny feathered serpent that vomited hydrogen Sulfide
coating all with the stench of rotting eggs.

“Ugh!” She cried!

Then I added
that already her dragon had been eaten by killer fairies.

“Pig, you crapped on my cute dragon!”

I may be sleeping on the couch tonight....

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