Details |
Limerick
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A Priest Who Had Schumer Humor
Our priest had almost been a baby boomer,
Who is religious and we even heard a rumor
He did dodge,
Having a massage;
Has friend named Schumer with much humor.
Priest always thought he was so slick;
And in my neck always created a crick;
He had a parrot,
Who choked on carrot,
Also, his each sermon made us sick.
Priest Who Had Rapport with a Rapporteur
Pulled needle out of haystack having straw;
When we looked there a new priest we saw;
Was in demand,
With Bible in hand;
He had great rapport with quite a rapporteur.
Here is what you should do. Have these poems
posted on St. James website and say that they
came from your old church. That ought to raise
an interesting reaction hopefully with satisfaction
and not cause a subtraction.
Priest Was Able and Had Been Stable
Priest was enchanted with Betty Grable,
Her face he saw on apron covering table
Even when shaving,
At her was waving,
At while watching on cute TV which is cable.
Had a priest who was a real cute clucker,
Like a wild rooster who up would pucker,
Head not hollow;
Parish did follow;
Great clam and oyster shucker and chucker.
Sermon A Cliff Hanger Special
About God priest was certain and sure;
Always knowing God is good and pure;
Bull full of;
Of cliff shove;
Parish seemed modest and so obscure.
Had priest who started off being practical,
And when he saw parish became a radical;
Lot of lousy nerve;
Not a conservative;
So they then sent him on a long sabbatical.
Singing of priest, parish will want to access,
So they can try to straighten out big mess;
With much rage,
Turned Bible page,
That said to purchase choir a new dress.
Priest saw in choir that some were not here,
Who we always want and do love so dear;
For our Lord,
Should record;
By computer should stay close and near.
They will email a copy of practice to you.
We will email choir practice to all of them,
So they can hear us sing our each hymn;
Heard some thunder;
From came wonder,
So from surface bad stuff we shall skim.
To new priest God to him His spirit He sent;
Should use this when souls want to repent;
In water high or shallow,
They will always follow;
All sin and anxiety the Trinity can prevent.
Priest heard that in choir a chord was lost;
Still floating free and landed on some frost;
We searched for,
More and more;
So Christ for us decided to pay the cost.
Priest decided to give Romney some slack,
Instead of having to stab him in the back;
Makes much sense,
With his experience;
Always Trump should be sure to attack.
When priest had sneezed went achoo,
And then he read Horn's horrible haiku;
Attention drew;
Up he did screw;
In gutter were found where they grew.
Should Suffice and Hope Will Entice
For priest Horns poems should always suffice;
Maybe at least a few of them him did entice,
And total amount,
We cannot count;
To read them must have to pay mental price.
Jim Horn
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Details |
Free verse
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Lemme regale you with splendid and fabulous exuberance
Despite being an amateur
paperback writer wannabe,
whose storied protagonist
stars colporteur wannabe
(thinly veiled cover as yours truly),
whereby his antagonistic doppelgänger
donned as a frotteur trumpeting
animalistic, chauvinistic, egoistic,
averse to gradualistic, individualistic...
narcissistic, opportunistic hauteur
with a penchant for littérateur,
whose favorite genres
constitute the blending
(think Louis Pasteur)
of one criminally and mysteriously
hellbent expert pathologist,
whose found role of self chosen prosateur
loosing overactive imagination to guide
and to craft believable scenarios,
whereby provocateur earned himself
title of master raconteur
this side of Schwenksville,
actually a double agent
gussied up as rapporteur,
whose burning side kick
(splitting hairs over being primary
most intrepid gumshoe),
dolled up as a répétiteur
and co-owner as restaurateur
catering to Norwegian bachelor farmers
freshly baked Powder Milk Biscuits,
(cuz heavens they're tasty and expeditious
made from whole wheat that give shy persons
the strength to get up and do
what needs to be done
your family must try them),
and also serving the chattering class,
yet always being affronted
courtesy basket of deplorables,
the whole bunch of rapscallions
nothing but nattering nabobs of negativism
buzzfeeding, growing, and jump/kick starting
wild asparagus and overgrown kudzu
in serious need for secateur
to be placed in the hands
of well muscled olympian shamateur
adroit to handle tools
of the horticultural trade
with both his arms and legs.
I ask myself the following rhetorical question.
How does that hot germ oven idea coalesce
from figment of imagination
to fully fleshed out magnum opus?
Lucky those prospective and potential authors,
who start writing at a young precocious age,
perhaps when in utero,
hearing mellifluous cadences
of punctuated words
courtesy family and friends
(constituting a veritably healthy melting pot
of diverse creed (dancers
fluid in movement as clear water
in attendance at a revival)
ethnicities, genders nationalities,
political stripes with the caveat
(so long as each person
considers him/herself a Democrat)
races, religions, et cetera
comfortably ensconced
and seated within or upon
a cozy environment
of lazy boy chairs, and bean bag pillows,
thus auditorily exposed to countless languages
spoken with various and sundry
naturally uttered modulations and amplifications
particularly homeschooled with access
to online material and tutorials
writing their first of many
New York Times best sellers,
when just a lad or lass.
Bennett Cerf, Theodore Geisel
(otherwise known to children as Doctor Seuss)
Roald Dahl, Shel Silverstein,
represent a small number of popular kids writers
during growing up years of mine,
which came to mind courtesy Google search
videre licet list names of children's authors
during the 1960's and 1970's,
when Beatlemania in full swing,
though yours truly
totally oblivious to the fab four,
who burst upon the scene
skyrocketing to fame and fortune.
Ineffable and mindblowing
how ingenious an attention grabbing
an innocuous sounding title
(many times an obscure author
whose book(s) purchased
at Worthwhile Thrift Store
in Collegeville for pennies on the dollar
(more so when color coded tabs
confer discount on certain days,
plus getting that senior discount
knocks the total price even further),
yet within minutes attention of mine riveted,
where I must continue reading
until sleep overtakes me,
or less likely death do me part.
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