Eedjit, bamstick, scunner and twit,
Am no wan o’ them, am jist a nit.
People whae’ve kent me, aw ma days,
Say am unstable, in aw ma ways.
They dinna really ken, the person ah am,
A real great guy, and no’ a bam.
Ah dae some awfy funny things,
But ahm no a hanky, cranky ---- jings!
Dae ye ‘oanestly think, am really ‘bats’,
Eyes all ablaze, like a big Manx cats.
Yellin’ an’ screamin’, an’ roond the bend,
A daft wee looney, tae the very end.
Ah tell ye ya’ great big scunnerin’ oafs,
Ye better no’ let me hear ye scoaff.
Ah’ll batter yer lugs against a wa’,
And yaise yer heids, tae play fitba’.
Then ah’ll throw ye under a movin’ train,
An’ mak mincemeat, oot o’ yer feeble brains.
Am a real great guy, the very best
But dinnae dare pit me tae the test!