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Big Mo
When a horrible commissioner
was suddenly fired,
team owners interviewed
Big Mo.
They told him,
You're hired.
Changes he made to the game
were made right away.
Protests which followed
were completely ignored.
And the first things
removed were all
the scoreboards.
Big Mo outlawed
all sales of meat.
No burgers.
No sushi.
No hot dogs
No barbecued beef.
No sea food harvested
from your favorite reef.
Big Mo said
The Game contained
too much volatility,
so he attempted to remove
all signs of hostility.
No hitting.
No stealing.
No batting.
No warning track.
No hits.
No stolen bases.
No bats.
No bat rack.
No sluggers.
No errors.
No outs.
No shut-outs.
No balls went foul.
Everything was fair.
The National Anthem
had to go.
no rocket's red glare.
No bombs anywhere.
Take Me Out to the Ballgame
was banned because Big Mo
said the song
told people
they didn't have to care.
Besides, said Big Mo,
why sing a song
about wanting to go someplace
when you're already there?
Vendors sold tea
and varieties of rice.
Every player's goal?
Sacrifice.
Without all the violence
perfection prevailed.
Owners and athletes
and coaches and fans
were blissfully peaceful
because now baseball was perfect—
nobody failed.
All stress was removed
so there were
no brawls on the field,
no fights in the stands.
No pressure to win.
Nothing to lose.
Players wore fuzzy slippers
instead of spikes on their shoes.
Kill the officials?
There were no such plans.
Long live the umpire!
shouted the fans.
Copyright ©
Jim Babwe
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