Rats and Roses
I don’t have my learners permit.
I have had to be the adult my whole life.
I have had to tend to their outbursts and tantrums.
I have survived all their rat runs
I’ve always told myself it’s an assessment
A test of my determination
I will soon regain my adolescence
They’re just giving me a foundation,
I have had to deal with how their parents raised them up
As soon as I have passed these tests they’ll love me sure enough
I have been waiting
Where is my care?
I’d rather feel hating
Than you treating me like I’m not there
I can’t just drop this idea
This hope for warmth
But I sit here freezing
In a blizzard north
I sit for years and years,
Waiting for dad and mom
They are physically here
But emotionally gone.
But “Mom” is grandma
She had made me call her that
From the day I began on
I am the rat.
I called her “mom”
Because she claimed to raise me
But now it’s “Ma’am”
And she refuses to respect me
It is not like she ever will anyway,
From the day I was born,To my last breath
To her, I am a rose that won’t smell sweet by any name
I will drown in this depth
You hold a rat underwater and it will surely drown
But for those 3 preceding minutes,
it will fight as hard as possible for its life
Kicking and scratching, begging for a single breath of air
All while suffocating in your cruelty
That is how I have felt all my life, from sun up, to sun down
The hand that holds me, testing my limits.
Seeing how hard I will fight
But I won’t ever resort to prayer
And you will not make a fool of me.
In the depths of my despair, I find resolve,
A resilience born from the trials I face,
Though their love, a distant echo, fails to involve,
I'll forge ahead, seeking my own grace.
For every trial, a lesson I'll learn,
In this journey to reclaim my own fate,
Though the wounds they inflict still sting and burn,
I'll rise above, refusing to abate.
Their neglect, a bitter truth to bear,
But I'll not let it define my worth,
Through the storm, I'll find a path to repair,
Reclaiming myself, proving my own birth.
No longer a pawn in their cruel game,
I'll stand tall, asserting my own name,
For the strength I seek lies within,
A spirit unbroken, ready to begin.
So let them test and scrutinize,
I'll face each challenge with steady eyes,
For I am more than their neglect,
I'm a survivor, resilient and perfect.
And though their love may never come,
I'll find solace in knowing I've overcome,
A rose that blooms despite the frost,
In my own journey, I'll find what's lost.
Copyright ©
Charlie Butler
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