Sweet Heart
Sweet, dear heart,
How tangled up you've been.
Stifled by the echoes of pain,
Wrapped up in threads of cautionary memory.
I ignored you,
Chose not to hear you,
I put barriers in place.
I denied you an audience to whom you could plead your case.
I was trying to protect you,
Dying to keep you safe.
Like a warden that knows best,
I could not bear the thought of someone,
Something,
Draining you again.
I could not take the risk of your light being seen,
Only to be misused for others' selfish gain.
Acting out of the need for survival,
I imprisoned you,
Bolted the gates.
I could hear you screaming,
Scratching at the wall,
Begging to come up for air.
I warned you to keep quiet,
If anyone was to hear you,
You'd be exploited again.
I urged you to stay hidden,
Concealed,
Any and all attention meant imminent danger.
Has the past taught you nothing?
Have you learned nothing of this world?
Have you not experienced enough dismay?
Fit in,
Don't make a scene,
Be like everyone else.
I CAN NOT ALLOW YOU EXPOSURE TO ANY MORE PAIN.
I CAN NOT TRUST YOU TO LEAD,
YOU'RE TOO SOFT,
TOO INNOCENT,
THE MIND KNOWS BEST.
But then...
A stillness came.
You became quiet,
Observing your environment.
No longer begging for an audience,
No longer plotting your escape.
The walls around you began to crack and expand.
Each time you found a fracture you flowed into it spreading your grace.
My body rebelled.
But you knew you found a way.
So little by little you soothed me as you made your way into each and every organ,
Each and every tissue,
Each and every cell.
Fresh blood pumping through my veins,
Bringing life to what I thought was long dead.
You began to sing,
My body started to dance.
You reminded me of your resilience,
Your capacity to create.
You took the experiences of all lifetimes and weaved them into a shiny polished pearl.
You gave pure love and compassion to the one that I had convinced myself deserved hate,
My shadow,
My ego,
The one that locked you away.
In your capacity for forgiveness,
I forgave myself.
I forgave all others as I saw myself in them.
I began to come to you for counsel,
Learned to trust you again.
For it was never you that led me astray
Copyright ©
Agnieszka Berniak
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