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Allow me to Lift the Curtain
Right up until you were honest
I found hope in the regressing of your sentences
From fine wine to a poisoned chalice
Remembering you in the corner of the grocery store
Sparked the overwhelming urge to run away
Trying to navigate through the dichotomy of hiding from my future
Vs. reliving the past through disguised mistakes
Now I wake every morning just to panic over lost shades of getting dressed,
Resenting my younger self for feeling depressed
But my thoughts were echoes through the unmarked cave that is my head
Like a lonely widow counting sacrifices at a bus stop,
My chin hung low and quartered like stalactites
now I gaze above to see everyone’s world subside to pretend like mine is not
What color are your eyes this month?
Well I wouldn't know
I'm losing faith in showing up
And I'm still gazing above for the promise you say you upheld
I'm weeping by the wasteland while you find another soliloquy to whelve
Say my name again through a hundred swallowed layers
of “I've always thought I was better than you”
Say my name again through a hundred ingested layers of “I don't even have to prove it's true”
Relief is a rushing comet diverting helpless smiles above passing cars
But how come they only rain in my inner outer space?
They're shooting entitlement at our feet and calling it dancing with the stars
I held the weapon with a pink slip;
We had the motivation, but no coordination for hitting targets
They asked what I upheld,
But the gunpowder slipped right through my fingertips
Like the underlying trauma you claim to not notice
And the opportunities I gave you to shift your focus
But don't blame yourself,
I was withholding things anyways
And please don't blame yourself!
My mood was always more “withholding” anyways
How many new scars have you obtained this month?
I remember when I stood on the hill and held the flag
While you shredded every contract binding us for a lifespan
I'm losing faith in putting my heart into something
And walking away a better man
But this is what I’m told,
This is what I’m taught
And I wasn't the one with the alcohol in my veins,
So I remained and fought
I fought for me, I fought for you
And even though I fought for family,
I fought for freedom too
This wasn't what I was taught
This wasn't what I was told
But I couldn't bear to watch you huddled by the fire,
burning cold
I’m watching cardinals turn to stone
And crumble when they hit the ground
But I’m shielding the eyes of the mother
So I can carry the burden of broken pieces
While her feathers fray by a familiar sound
But I was taught to hold her head and her hand
And I was innocence's favorite victim;
I had the consciousness but couldn't quite understand
Her feathers frayed,
The hair on the back of my neck stayed pointed like utility blades
I was taught to untie the rope but have it dangle on demand
I was evil’s favorite puppet;
I had the cogitation but could never truly understand
Copyright ©
Matthew Bailey
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