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Demons
My entire life I've been drowning in a darkness
As a little girl I begged to be loved: Nothing more nothing less
I kept telling myself it will be better when I am grown
But those demons stayed with me never leaving me alone
I stay exhausted from this struggle with in me
Fighting to hide all the pain, the fear, and the anxiety
Living on self hate
Music is my only escape
Reclusive and withdrawn
It's just safer to be alone
Trying to learn to love myself
Tired of pretending to be someone else
The demons won't allow me to heal
After 42 years they have me drowning still
Sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear
Tears roll down my face at the words I hear
I fall to my knees crying out please let go of me
I beg the demons I scream at God just let me be
They are unwilling or I'm undeserving I guess
So the demons keep me down in this darkness
Living on self hate
Music is my only escape
Reclusive and withdrawn
It's just safer to be alone
Trying to learn to love myself
Tired of pretending to be someone else
The demons won't allow me to heal
After 42 years they have me drowning still
Hours later I'm up off the floor wiping away my tears
Staring in the mirror pushing down all the pain and fears
Hiding it all I Put on my makeup and I walk out the door
So no one will be able to tell I was just curled up crying on the floor
Friends and family are clueless of the war with in
They've never been on this battlefield and don't understand
Living on self hate
Music is my only escape
Reclusive and withdrawn
It's just safer to be alone
Trying to learn to love myself
Tired of pretending to be someone else
The demons won't allow me to heal
After 42 years they have me drowning still
Copyright ©
Amanda Payne
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