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Piloting My Own Corpse
The world is quiet here
Yet growing louder by the day
Renting paradise from vultures
Split amongst two flavors of instability
I clamored and dreamed for that golden armor
That title that would cement my name in history
To be a "hero" to someone I'd lose contact with forever
Scars fade, and eternity is short
I saw my dreams given flesh
No gaps left to fill with fantasy
Universally agreed upon perfection
Yet we all clamor for the imperfect
Through them, my dreams were given flesh
Warmth on warmth, fear on tenderness
To be able to understand but not empathize
In a way that mattered enough to keep dreaming
The consciousness may forget, but the body remembers
Every molecule tattooed on my gray matter
Screaming for familiarity in that paradise of dreams
How cruel the unconscious mind may be at times
Ego death and carry on
Memories I can hardly call mine when it feels like I died
Piloting a stranger's corpse with his own baggage
Who were you, Derek? Why do I dream your dreams?
Redwood, redwood
The perfect antidote to tradition and trauma
So why does the latter grip me so
When it makes such a poor foundation?
The flower girl piloting your body is a mass of contradiction
Clinging to your first word, your fervent dream
A redwood ship battered by your cresting waves
Die a better death and quit clinging to your remains
I wish you were me
As anyone wishes they could do it all over again
I know your pain better than you do
Even if it meant I would die, I'd grant you that knowledge
Mother Theresa burns in Hell
Knowing there's nothing noble about suffering
The modern king's cruel facsimile of Jesus' word
Would make that poor carpenter weep in sadness and rage
You needn't have feared, poor Derek
For in choosing to hug over maim
You were far closer to Him than anyone
Who blindly listened to the charlatan on the pulpit while you slept
You were blindly resilient, sweet departed
So grant me that tenacity and simplicity
If I grant you the peace you desired
Will you grant me the peace that I do?
Copyright ©
Derek Chos
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