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A Part Of Me Died With You

It's been a good while
Since the last time we talked
I'm definitely better off for it
And hell, I hope you are too

I've realized a lot since then
Since we took a shovel to the spine of our relationship
It's not like a golden ray of light after the night
But more like a fog has been lifted on this highway

You were apparently the sole remaining thread
That tied me to my past so heavily
And as I gaze upon my old kingdoms
My Falconia and Crimsonia are a lot more ruined than I remember

No longer are my memories pure bastions of a Golden Age
No longer do I exclude them from my current point of view
There was plenty of bad amongst the good
And to fetishize them as such was only hurting me

My Full Moon Queen isn't just a concept
Not a long-dreamt dream of an unobtainable goddess
But a woman I loved seven years ago
When I was a child and love was a foreign concept

We've both grown up in different ways
Much as I've gone through countless trials and tribulations
Surely she has as well
Nothing remains static, and all dreams must be woken from

I poured the depths of my mind onto pages upon pages for credit
And turned them in to a man who couldn't hope to read them
Among the sea of similar pages he'd have to read
And yet the concept was enough to shake me from my reverie

It's been a strange few months
No more constant anxiety, which in turn causes anxiety to form
After all, I'm not used to not having something to worry about
It's a strange, empty feeling that I both love and loathe

In a sense, part of me died with you
A part of me that held onto childhood with an iron grasp
That saw everything, even hell, cast in deep twilight
Was it a Golden Age or just gold tinted lenses?

The sun's set a little past twilight
Atop this dusky hill where flowers are starting to bud
I've dreamt this same hill covered in dead leaves under twilight
Same time, same Thursdays, same hill

But with a part of me gone and a new part growing
To fill the hole you left behind
To fill the gaps that growing up left behind
A being of scar tissue and hope, left behind to begin anew

Copyright © Derek Chos | Year Posted 2017

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  1. Date: 2/26/2017 7:30:00 PM

    Bravo, Derek, well-written, interesting phrases, poetic images, yet still a good smooth rhythm, eminently readable, a pleasure. : ) Cheers, Doug.

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