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Too Much

I loved loud.
 Not in volume —
 in intensity.
 In showing up.
 In remembering the little things you forgot you ever said.
 In texts at 2am because I couldn’t sleep
 without making sure you were okay.
I loved in playlists.
 In forehead kisses.
 In “did you eat today?”
 and “text me when you get home.”
I loved in the way I bent
 to fit the shape of your storms.
 Let them pour through me
 and still called it sunshine.
And you —
 You smiled,
 like you liked it.
 Like you wanted to be chosen that hard.
 Until you didn’t.
Until my love
 started feeling like pressure.
 Like too much.
 Like a weight
 you couldn’t carry
 because you never planned on holding it that long anyway.
I loved too much.
 Too deeply.
 Too fully.
 But what the hell is “too much”
 when you’re giving someone everything
 and hoping they stay?
Too much should be enough.
But instead,
 you got quiet.
 Started backing away
 like my love was a fire
 and you were just close enough to feel the warmth,
 but not enough to burn.
And I?
 I caught fire.
 I turned myself to ash
 trying to make you comfortable.
I apologized
 for being the girl who gave a damn.
 For loving in full color
 When you only wanted grayscale.
So now I sit here
 With this heart that still beats too loud
 In a world that wants it quiet.
And I wonder…
 What do you do
 with a love that was never wrong,
 just too much
 for someone
 who never planned
 on staying?


Copyright © Chloe Hyer

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