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Relax it's only a cross

Relax, count my breath up to 4
Recall how Jesus chilled on His cross
Pinned like a cool butterfly
Hung like a shroud on the line
The crown of thorns felt fine
The nails betwixt ulna and radius divine
He didn't mind nails in metatarsals
He declined the sour wine to keep his wits
I want to learn how to chill like Him

Relax, take in the 1st breath
Inhale and let my soul hang loose
Positive pressure dispels worries
Let go years of misdirections
Did he know he had 3 more breaths?
Disown the tomatoes thrown in disgust
Own tensile betrayal lurking in the mind
Be like a baby’s skin when calm
I wish I knew how to relax on high

Relax, exhale and count to 2
Release  all worries that bind
My agitation only finds rest in you
Remember me on the cross beside you
Me, 2 thieves watching your grace
I see you take your final breath
Equanimity hung on the clothesline
Careless to His resurrection assured
Why have you abandoned me?

Relax, inhale for the 2nd time
Let my echo chamber take in 3
Gather desperate cries to be unpinned
Be 1 of 2 thieves breathing next to Him
1 thief writhes mocking Christ
The other thief in me fears God
He says to me we’ll be in paradise
Comfort me when You’re uncomfortable
Your promise of relaxation is foreign
 
Relax, exhale the number 4
Release my final breath like Him
Count each breath till I let go of 4
Bring to bear the recycled sequence 
Enumerate the stations of the cross
If I’m the thief on Golgotha that day
Make me the 1 sinister to Him
Hang me fresh like a serpentine sheet 
Loosed from clothespins spinning round

When Jesus annoints me unrelaxed
I start counting to find the numbers
When I find no solace in 4's exhalation
I count back to 1 to find no1's home
If only I could find equanimity in 0
If a thief could trust his promise
Then I, too, could relax on my cross
I could also say I'm finished for now
Just like Jesus relaxing in the breeze

Relax, everything is enumerated
Each breath is numbered by the Father
Surely, I can learn to relax on my cross

Copyright © Triny Xiang

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things