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Fun With Puns

My friend - I’ll call her Brandi -
asked where do you get all your candy?
I said you may find this hard to believe, 
but I always keep a few Twix up my sleeve.

I read about buccaneers in history books, 
And I thought where did pirates get their hooks?
Later, while researching various folklores,
The answer came to me: second hand stores!

My friend, who is a soothsayer,
told me never to date tennis players.
I thought this advice was really a gem,
because love means absolutely nothing to them!

It really is a bummer 
when people say age is just a number.
I think it’s totally absurd.
Age is clearly a word!

My mother gave me kisses and hugs 
and told me just say no to drugs.
Now, this is just a guess,
but if I’m talking to drugs,
then I think I’ve said yes.

My ENT specialist, Doctor Jeff,
told me that I was going deaf.
About this - let me be clear -
the news was hard for me to hear.

While living on the shores of Avalon,
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
Their arrival, however, was very slow.
Which came first? I’ll let you know.

Copyright © Jim Healey

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Book: Shattered Sighs