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friendly fire
there had been many battles raging
mostly within and with himself
alter Egos diffusing who was friend or foe
to the point of dissolution of Self
like a soul grinder on an impossible mission
mindful and yet full of fear he had discounted
his nuclear warfare as mere skirmishes
fully aware that his default setting was resentment
in which everyone else was to blame in self defence
so much that miserable joy was some consolation
concomitant to his plight was the delusion
that he knew how to engage well trained in
bi-polarity of perpetual quest to be happy
and yet eternal and disfigured discontentment
had been the outcome of sleepless nights in despair
his dreams were of drift sand cliff tops and free fall
more wishful thinking than frightening nightmares
melancholia’s lullaby crisscrossed with mania
always in motion the epiphany remained elusive
with darkness his only deceitful companion
eventually he found it impossible to escape
no medication alcohol nor self-pity managed
to numb his thinking emotions nor feelings
stupefied paralysis presented a point of no more return
today he calls it the gift of ultimate desperation
nowadays he would not want it any other way
surrender and acceptance of powerlessness
have been the hallmark in step with liberation and peace
miraculous blessings bestowed gratitude and serenity
once a wayward traveller he had finally arrived
Copyright ©
Kai Michael Neumann
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