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I couldn't even formulate words
God, you know like I don't know why do you did that or let it happen, but you just made a plan right?
I know you want to protect me god.
It's just I feel so embarassed, everyone looked at me.
I cried while anger, sadness and disgust built up.
I don't want you to make anything to him happen bad.
Maybe I am just to sensitive I don't know.
I just want that he thinks about it how I thought about him.
The looks I gave him spoke a lot.
But I didn't wanted that god.
I wanted an option were I could accounter him with a smile again.
And everything's going to be alright, again.
But I felt my face get heated a uncomfortable warmth.
When he said that,
it broke of a past insecurity.
God I thought I am already past him.
Maybe, because I always longed for a kinder approach how it was in the past?
Or it just pushed me more aside?
When he always told me: ,,how does so much come up in your mind?"
And now: ,,it's too much"
Maybe because it's also about school and I always am trying to be best?
Not much just that he knows or felt in the moment it was kinda his fault, or that he just a little cared.
God, I wish I said something.
But I now understand god why we never got to be together, and I thank you for that.
I don't know why I am crying, it just hurts god.
You know I am trying to be saved? Right?
God, why is it so hard to make everything just alright?
Why not?
I don't want to be like this
Copyright ©
Adna Demiri
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