Ernie won't bite
I walked in Draper Park
Saw a family at a table, heard a dog bark
"Ernie's friendly," said the Mommy, "he won't bite"
A large goofy dog came at me, seemed alright.
Ernie growled, maybe because I smelled of beer
Or maybe because I didn't let him sniff my rear
But in Ernie's genes, a wolf pack in the night
from pet to threat, he transformed in plain sight
I sprinted to my car, I could read Ernie's mind
But Ernie wasn't far behind
Like a cheetah on the chase, he covered the ground
Ernie became Cerberus of Hades, that mythical hound
I made it to the car, Ernie's owner looked aghast
She said "he can sense personality; did you have a criminal past?
I said "I volunteer at homeless shelters; I clean up hikers' trails
I donate to museums, never been in any jails."
The lady still looked at me as if I was to blame
Maybe people aren't rational, don't want to feel shame
It got me thinking, maybe all I've believed ain't true
Ernie really bites, maybe 4 ain't 2 and 2?
The told me in kindergarten that we can be any gender
And if we say we're not racist, we must be a pretender
Under Hamas rule, they assured, Palestine will be free
And under Kamala rule, we'll still have an economy
They warned we're in a patriarchy and must see the light.
Can I be sure that's all true, and that Ernie won't bite?
So now I live off the grid, on a houseboat,
I read what the great philosophers wrote
I prefer quiet waves, the seashore light
I left humans behind, because I got such a fright
The day that I found out that Ernie does bite.
Copyright ©
Gideon Oknin
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