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Don't associate
Boys will be boys
Well, not this boy
Don't want to
Don't like to
Why do I have to
Don't associate
It doesn't align
Learnt differently
Lived through my parents' eyes and expectations
They became mine
Fighting myself
Hating myself
Internal conflict
It's a daily battle
Bullied already
Bullied at home
Nowhere is safe
Can't be me
Can't express
Never myself
Never been independent
Getting jealous
Never have had that luxury or space
Crying in the toilets
Wishing to wash myself away
Ring me dry through the tumble dryer
Don't like my body
It doesn't fit
It isn't mine
It doesn't align
Nothing aligns
Nothing is right
Don't associate
Don't align
I don't mix
Feel like an alien
Feel like I am lost
Feel like I am the only person going through this
I wish I was born anew
In a different body and different sex
Why this sex
I hate it and it sinks
Can't unpeel it
Can't get out of it
I am part of it
I am never rid of it
I have this conflict
I hate these expectations
Those man up's
Hiding those petty "feminine" emotions
Boys don't cry
Just man up
Don't show it
To anyone
It is a secret to yourself
You deny it
You hide it
You cry about it
Don't show it
Don't associate
Don't express it
Don't let anyone see it
Things are already bad enough as it is
I just want to be myself
Be loved
Can't have that
Can't have this minimum
Can't be true
Copyright ©
Martyn King
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