My father passed.
I wanted him to stay but god won.
I can’t complain.
We had him longer than we could have thought.
He was awesome!
He was my friend.
He was the best father a girl could have had
Right to the end.
I miss him so.
I cried so hard.
And then really loud, not me, but in my head.
He played for me our favorite piece Pachelbel’s Canon in D.
It was overloud but good.
It calmed me.
The music petted me and held me close.
Yes now, you know.
The undulating and waxing and waning.
High tide low tide.
This horrible necessary wave of knowing.
You want to so much, but you cannot hide.
Eventually this cruel acceptance slowly leaks inside.
And what’s left, I will take, the willingness to know.
That what I have left is the chance.
I might maybe see him again.
I can only hope.
Outside the room
a steady rain
drip-drip-drip-drip...
He, pacing to and fro
up on his toes
then back on his heels
A dull pounding
in the back of his head
his tongue and palate dry
Perspiration coating the
crooks of his elbows
the backs of his knees
His breathing shallow
coming in fits and starts
punctuated by overloud hiccoughs
A thrum-thrum-thrum in one ear
a high pitched whistle in the other
What's the jury doing, brother?...
The rain-smeared windows
reveal a downpour now
Frigid slants, arrows into the ground
OFFICE XMAS PARTY
Silly hats and even sillier chatter
Overloud voices, but what’s said does not matter
As alcohol increases by the crates.
Clink of glasses, clatter of plates,
Jingle of forks and knives,
Jokes between husbands and wives.
Speeches made by men hot and glistening
With automatic applause but no one listening.
Dancers ungainly and ill-at-ease
With alien-partners, trying to please
Unsynchronized men dragged to the dance
Floor by rhythmic women making a determined stance.
People doing pointless things - the boss with an elf hat -
His PR assistant making PR chat.
In the photo dark room , under-manager
Completely out of character
With the secretary whose task she does not shirk -
Some emergency negative work.
The evening is wearing on
Guests are wearing out their welcome
I’m wearing in a clown’s mask
The xmas spirit is wearing off.
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