Shameless boys and cigarette butts
Burnt my porcelain skin and singed my heart
Spent years betting on losing horses
Just to feel some dopamine
But oh, young Brenton, he had a charm
A voice of musk and a scent of vanilla
Strapped me onto long motorcycle rides
Oh, dear God, what'll he do next?
His caress, rebellion type of prowess
It nearly strained my lungs to death
The light of day may be ugly and stained
But with him, I'm in a long and deepened sleep...
It's as if I'm a corpse with movement
The way he numbs my labyrinth mind
Testing my senses of separation
Icy cold to heart, yet sizzling to touch
Music is something.
That something is what helps me escape.
Escape reality.
Escape the life i was promised
The way it soothes the thoughts.
The way it numbs the pain.
When it's gone.
The pain comes back
The thoughts get louder.
The rope inches closer.
The pills jittering start yelling.
I turn the music up
louder. Louder. LOUDER
My ears bleed, but I don't care.
I just want to escape.
Escape from reality.
So my body lays motionless.
The music playing.
An empty pill bottle in my hand.
Blood drips from my ear, into the puddle.
A Doorway in Disguise
Closure is peace
Sadness is sometimes the doorway
through which happiness enters,
wearing a disguise.
When you release the rope of fear
you’ve been gripping so tightly
afraid you’ll sink once you let go
you discover instead
the taste of joy.
A full vase cannot receive more.
To welcome God’s blessings,
you must first make room.
Empty the vessel of fear,
of doubt, of helplessness,
and trust His power
to refill it
with abundance.
Fear numbs the senses.
It dulls our ability
to receive light,
to recognize gifts.
Never doubt yourself.
It is okay to slow down.
It is okay to lose your way.
It is okay if the journey
takes longer than expected.
It is okay to fall,
to get hurt.
It’s okay to start all over again
This, too, is part of the process.
It was meant to happen.
Now rise
and become the maestro
of your own orchestra,
and dance
to your own pace,
your own rhythm.
…religion, and oh boy…
The trouble with religion, and boy do I know it, is that getting too close to the dogma is like basking in the sun. It feels good, and self righteousness is the opiate of fundamentalist cults. Round and round the merry-go-round, discussions turning into arguments that either begin or end with "God said so." “God said it, and I believe it.” Or, with cult MAGA "Trump said it, so I know I'm right.” It numbs one to reality. Rationalization may last hours, but it always ends this way.
But, like exposure to the sun, you may get cancer, the cancer of reason gone wild. No longer anchored in known facts, but on an ever expanding blockage of the truth behind the tumor of dogmatic cultism.
See, it took years to heal my mind. I felt that I was guilty somehow of leaving the herd, of even thinking that this was all a grift dressed up in Bible verses. Now, I know what I truly believe and that is that I know nothing.
We raise the quill in trembling hope,
Not merely scribes of passing days,
But fighters for the silent rights
That echo through the darkened ways.
We shatter walls built on despair,
Aspiring toward the promised light;
In every human face we find
The spark of peace, the call to fight.
We scan the ruins of old systems,
Discern the false from what is true;
We cast aside the stale old feed
That numbs the soul and dims the view.
From ash we craft a soaring hymn,
For every voice that broke in fear;
We honor dignity and life,
In every breath and trembling tear.
The quill becomes our sword of soul,
Steadfast when hope begins to fade;
In God’s own love we find the ground,
On which our human rights are laid.
The truth march on in patient seeds,
Small acts of mercy, loss, release;
Till peace arrives as gentle dawn,
And every heart finds its release.
Step a little too far
If I wanted the easy way out I know you could never talk me down
To step a little too far and breathe in that familiar feeling
Ecstasy in the blood of becoming forgotten
To which incases the reply and decision
To live up to expectations, to urge towards being understood
But being understood would mean I was never really there
Contradictory is what life becomes
Perhaps a new melody that rings into the quiet of night
A stinging hum that only numbs what cannot die
Until even your heartbeat seems only to beat to bother your mind
A grating motor that beats seemingly forever
Step a little too far
My name is Loneliness, a mask I wear,
Faces surround me, but none see my care.
I surround myself with fleeting ties,
Acquaintances who hear my words, not my sighs.
My name is Fatigue, a weight I bear,
Work my only solace, a reason to rise, a purpose to share.
Without it, I'm lost in a haze,
Dragging hours like chains, in endless days.
My name is Disappointment, a shadow cast,
Each effort a fresh wound, each try a forecast.
What's the point of striving when the end is known?
Regret, a familiar ache, a sorrow grown.
My name is Misery, a shadow I carried,
etched into my bones by all the pains I have married.
I drown in fleeting comforts, in amber tides,
where sorrow ebbs and numbs what grief provides.
Each wound has shaped me, carved me, made me whole,
yet still the ache lingers, so I sip for solace.
My name could be Sadness, a constant guest,
Tears fall like autumn rain, chilling my rest.
Yet in this sorrow, I find a strange reprieve,
A fragile pulse that persists, a heartbeat I retrieve.
Fearful Heart
I want to open the most fragile part of me—my fearful heart.
I miss you. You slip into my mind, and your heart sets me on fire.
Inside, I am torn from holding back every emotion.
Each day becomes a question of my life, a wandering path with no clear vision.
Your aura, your soul, your energy—
you were the breath that saved me.
Our conversations became threads of the same rhythm,
our love urging forward but shadowed by fear.
A love so extraordinary it numbs me,
Yet I have pain deeply
Facing life without you is dark
First time in months I feel my life spark
You are but a loveless shadow
Your aura has faded
My Heart of Hearts will again glow
Fearful Heart
I want to open the most fragile part of me—my fearful heart.
I miss you. You slip into my mind, and your heart sets me on fire.
Inside, I am torn from holding back every emotion.
Each day becomes a question of my life, a wandering path with no clear vision.
Your aura, your soul, your energy—
you were the breath that saved me.
Our conversations became threads of the same rhythm,
our love urging forward but shadowed by fear.
A love so extraordinary it numbs me,
Yet I have pain deeply
Facing life without you is dark
First time in months I feel my life spark
You are but a loveless shadow
Your aura has faded
My Heart of Hearts will again glow
Broken hearts never heal
until they find love again.
For the pain of rejection
numbs your affection
Blue are your days
grey are your nights
nothing can persuade
even loss of appetite.
But out of the blue
a new love finds you
and you're happy again
Love mends your heart
life has a new start
in love again
Smiling with joy
the world's a new toy
A new love begotten
old heartache forgotten
Joy flies you on her wings
as you're stepping in spring
Cause your in love, sweet sweet love, again.
you trace my constellations
you put stars in my eyes
you whisper sweet nothings
which ended up being my demise
the sweet taste of honey you leave on my tongue
numbs the pain of the nicotine in my burning lungs
you say the lace of my garments traces my bones
but all i see is a girl way out of tone
it’s not the falling that scares me
it’s the outcome i fear
will you get better
or will you grow worse throughout the years
Winter comes.
Cold wind numbs
and cuts.
I am furry,
in a hurry.
See me scurry.
How I worry.
So, I bury
a nut.
Humiliation
I look at the ground, my cheeks flushing red,
I don’t need to look at them , I can feel their gazes fixated on me,
My breath is as shaky as my hands,
The lights are blinding, and I can barely see the crowd, but maybe that’s a good thing,
I hope I wiped away the tears completely, the hurtful words of that message still lingering in my mind,
True panic sets in, when I realise, I couldn’t remember the lyrics of the song,
Now I will just have to act and mouth along,
The message is the only words I can think of,
I learned these lyrics so many times, yet one hurtful text made it seem like I didn’t,
I see a camera flash in the crowd, and my breath becomes quick,
The conductor shoots a stern look in my direction,
Suddenly, I can remember the lyrics,
Relief numbs out the panic, and I can finally sing,
I place a smile upon my face,
Just breathe, relax it will all be okay.
100 Whiskey Shots.
(Part 2 of 10)
You warned me not to visit bars at night,
Now what must I.do after our bad fight?
The street lights are a flicker of your smile
Not as bright ,yet so subtle to moments to come.
There is a pattern of sincerity in your calm,
Yet now we are headed in different dirences by a mile.
The barman know my poison
And what numbs my pain,
First 10 shots to numb my tongue to silence.
The next 90 shots to create a pattern of things I never said that night.
The last ten shots to pour over a wound
I will scream and cry but it gets better.
By: Tshediso SEROKI
do you think it’s funny
hilarious, haha, a joke
how a billionaire’s money
is enough to make him an expert
on how to put his hands
around your throat
until you choke
how your taxes should be spent
and who should be sent away
to another place
to disappear without a trace
sold into slavery
or worse
to another time
when people were schooled
that rich white men ruled and
everyone else was
easily fooled
where women stayed
in the kitchen all day
preferably naked
and always ready to play
nobody was welcome
unless they could pay
their five million dollar
fee to stay
does it make you giggle
when our president
rants and raves
stomps his feet
and holds his breath
until his face
turns orange
says that only he
knows what’s best
for the billionaires
because quite frankly
no one cares about
all the rest
everyone must bow down
lay down
stay down
or get put down
orange marmalade
like fentanyl laced Gatorade
breaks the spirit
numbs the mind
until you find
you’re on the floor
too weak to
care anymore
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