Feeling like a fool whenever you’re near
My heart bleeds a melody that you can’t hear
I’m stuck in a battlefield chasing the sun
A war has begun that you’ve already won
I may be naive.. but I’m never wrong
Maybe the lyrics are too heavy in my song
Our worlds can’t collide in the way that I want
Our age gap alone would be something to taunt
It’s a blessing and a curse to carry this tune
Maladaptive daydreaming, alone in my room
A chaos of fantasies and delusions anew
My adolescent mind on a path so untrue
Toxic instability, I’m acting immature
A pillar of intellect, you’ve got me insecure
I’m hungry for your body or something more impure
I don’t know what love is, I just know the allure
I unplug myself from reality;
Dissociate myself from everything.
Put my body on aeroplane mode
To go back to the daydreams and delusions
Just so I could feel something.
But when I return I always find everything shattered
And so I try to pick everything up
And get back on track
Only to find I've lost everything in me.
The bits and pieces I've tried to connect
Were long gone before I knew.
Hallucinations, dreams and reality
Look all the same to me.
No longer able to tell them apart
I lose, once again, every sense of reality
Just to be an empty vessel numbed with nothingness.
Everyone was begging me to do something about my anxiety.
So I got into meditation.
So I mediate every day.
It was all on them.
Then it was all mine.
Forever, all mine.
As sad as it is,
It gets less daunting over time.
And more like-
This is heavenly.
And more like-
I will live forever if I keep this up.
For hours and hours,
Then more hours.
Then weeks go by, and it’s like-
I don’t know what a week means anymore.
I can’t remember what makes me weak, or what makes me strong.
But it’s all good, it’s all healthy.
And I don’t complain anymore.
And they don’t complain anymore.
There’s a wall that’s built.
As you portray no guilt.
Corruptive void of events unseen.
Parental alienation; as you act like a teen.
Sipping on a tall Jim Beam.
As you unfolded your game of poker.
There’s a wall that you built.
Through the lies and charade.
You perform the Joker.
Incapable of negotiation.
Full of hateful spite.
A man full of lies.
With morphed perception of deranged sight.
There’s a wall that you built.
Where you hurt with daggers of emotional distress.
A sick twisted game of maladaptive chess.
A hand full of bliss,
with life’s contentment, I
woke up desolate.
Two finger salute
They do a little dance
Gotta wash your hands
Two finger salute
Chew a piece of gum
Freshen up some
Two finger salute
Maladaptive solution
For a funhouse illusion
Two finger salute
I saw you through a mirror
Late in the night
Staring at myself so long
I saw through to the other side
You were combing your hair
You were brushing your teeth
I picture you reading in the den
With some food on the table
Picking up your pen
And writing
After a two finger salute
A knock on the door, and once more,
An alien outside, I could not ignore;
He entered my room with the little plea
First, the loo and next a cup of tea.
He was green and three feet tall,
He had a spunky face, tail and all;
He finished the tea with flailing ears,
Laughed awhile and burst into tears.
He looked at me with twenty vacant eyes,
There was a vapor of distant green skies,
He pinched my nose and squeezed my hips,
And brushed my hair with fish and chips.
Seemingly, the alien was maladaptive,
He ran out of the house and reeled in a peeve;
He strode to the field and leaving no trace
The wobbly rocket pierced through the mysterious space.
The master of illusion and confusion has arrived
And soon he will invade the many facets of your mind.
A shaker and a shaman who will find all things contrived
To strip you of your sanity and leave his seed behind.
Appearing from the ether of your often foggy dreams,
Believer and deceiver in the ancient mysteries;
A planner with a purpose who will implement his schemes
To overwhelm your stilted soul and steal realities.
Seen always in the shadows of Man's rationality
This specter stands alone atop his putrid bloodstained throne;
You suddenly are sickened by his beastiality,
But fear to walk the talk through life with flesh fillet'd to bone.
Contagion of collusion brings eternity of hate
To stand before the altar stone's malevolent disgrace.
He claims your destination will fulfill a brutal fate;
Compassion not denoted on his maladaptive face.
Awaken from the wretched dark and dreaded dreams of night
To gaze upon finality's sarcophagus of stones.
And soon you are aware the dreams you dream to his delight,
Will cast out not one demon marrowed well witihin your bones.
rhetorical questioning
deliberately thrown
aimed bellow the belt
meant to hurt
meant to injure
meant to wound
meant to sting
all in the name
of dramatic affect
used as a means
of getting the intended
point across within
this play of swings
in mood upon the
maladaptive stage
of this unhealthy
realm of reality in
which we lived
guilty until
proven innocent
never once
innocent until
proven guilty
seemed to be
the standard
practice within
this maladaptive
relationship
guilty verdicts
pilled up within
the heart
till one day
there was
no space
left over for
love to reside
anymore it
had been pushed
out by contempt
a body double
a stand-in
for the emotional
role was
posted upon the
board
no one showed
no one answered
the inquire
no one wanted
to take up that
role within this
maladaptive play
Emotional
deflection
Feelings
departure
Mental
Diversion
Subconscious
Detours
Step out of reality
Step into unreality
Into an internal
Deviation from
Current citation
into the hearts irrationality
From the heads rationality
As a maladaptive means to an end
Never to go down that road again
The one that leads to needing you
It takes two
To tango within
This maladaptive
Dance called
relationship
Not yet able to mask
The truth that lies
Inside
Not yet able to hide
The abnormalcy that
Is pent up inside
The maladaptive mind's eye
Over time this will be achieved
It wouldn't happen over night
Its a learning process with a curve ball
backhanded compliments
became the standard practice
within our maladaptive version of normalcy
which fell dependent upon
a series of inconsistent
swings in mood experienced
within a single conversation
which over time became the way
of our world
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