I unplug myself from reality;
Dissociate myself from everything.
Put my body on aeroplane mode
To go back to the daydreams and delusions
Just so I could feel something.
But when I return I always find everything shattered
And so I try to pick everything up
And get back on track
Only to find I've lost everything in me.
The bits and pieces I've tried to connect
Were long gone before I knew.
Hallucinations, dreams and reality
Look all the same to me.
No longer able to tell them apart
I lose, once again, every sense of reality
Just to be an empty vessel numbed with nothingness.
Categories:
maladaptive, conflict, depression, emotions, mental
Form: Free verse
Everyone was begging me to do something about my anxiety.
So I got into meditation.
So I mediate every day.
It was all on them.
Then it was all mine.
Forever, all mine.
As sad as it is,
It gets less daunting over time.
And more like-
This is heavenly.
And more like-
I will live forever if I keep this up.
For hours and hours,
Then more hours.
Then weeks go by, and it’s like-
I don’t know what a week means anymore.
I can’t remember what makes me weak, or what makes me strong.
But it’s all good, it’s all healthy.
And I don’t complain anymore.
And they don’t complain anymore.
Categories:
maladaptive, angst, anxiety,
Form: Free verse
A hand full of bliss,
with life’s contentment, I
woke up desolate.
Categories:
maladaptive, anger, deep, depression, emotions,
Form: Haiku
And maybe tonight in feasting
I'll inhale the flavors of my meal
and exhale colors in the wind
I have not been chosen
beyond our understanding, it just is
It’s the quiet that scares me
so I'm a puppeteer of the shadows
Dancing near the light source
to feed my lonely
I breathe this naturally
Another dimension
Another time
More laughter
I'm pacing and spinning
Yelling and singing
I'm in control
until the arch of my feet gets weak
from chasing the muse my bed becomes
And I'm tired
In prayer I lay
The only air left to breathe is the regret of wasting the day
It was never us
Just me filling the spaces of those I want to love
They are not here now
They cant share this with me
I'm only weak
It's only me
Categories:
maladaptive, health, imagination, prayer,
Form: Free verse