Long Shitty Poems
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Life as of late has been a path I have not perceived that I would go along again. I thought that I was getting better then I ever have been before but now I see it it the other way around. I’m a sad pitiful excuse for a human being who isn't taking the full opportunity of life. Instead of going out with friends and living the time of my life, I sit inside slitting my wrist and worrying what the person I never talk to thinks of me. I’ve lost so many friendships if that is even what you can call them because I worried about how I acted around them and never realized thats why they liked me in the first place. I would always conform to the people I wish to called friends not know that I was just a pest to them that they were trying to avoid, I was so jaded as to wether someone liked me or not I didn't see the clear evidence that they didn’t. Even then I still try to conform for them as if they approval is as important as god to adam & eve. They promised me things, got my hopes up for months on ends knowing in the back of their head that it would not happen, it was as if I was just their little puppet on strings dancing to whatever tune they wished to play. I’ve been so focused on how my future would be that I never realized how shitty the present is for me. I got to these therapy appointments where they give me pills on pills telling me i’ll get better but always get told im getting worse. I only have myself to blame because I know I dont want to get better I just want for the pain and distress to be over in an instant cause when i work on fixing it the smallest things makes me feel worse then when I started. I’m sorry for being to be a weird, awkward, annoying person for I have not done anything to help your opinion of me to change, I just make it worse and worse. I dont know why I thought I would fit in with you if I cant even fit in with my own judgement of myself. I’ need to disconnect from the world and everyone in it as if a never ending hibernation that I only come out of once I’m accepted. You can think and call me whatever you like as long as you are honest I appreciate to know how I am an outcast to you that way I can hide it as I try to impress you with another pitiful attempt at giving you the friendship you have rejected in the past
-K
You were too good, I was jealous. I now must ruin you. I will slowly but surely destroy you. I will tell you that you are lazy, you could do more, you could be more, yet you will never be good enough to satisfy me. It will take time to do so. I will make you think you did something wrong all the time, that's how I will know when I have the control. It will then get worse. You will be drained emotionally by me. I will then move on to my next victim. I will buy little shitty gifts, paint you a picture, or something larger, that you will hold on to, they only remind you of me. You will never love another, I will make sure of that. You wont even love yourself, anymore. When I leave, I will tell anyone that will listen how horrible you are. I will leave you with things that hold no value to me, except the reminder of me, you will think of me. When someone asks where it came from, you will have to say my name. If you find someone new, everything you hold on to will eat at them, they will sound crazy for telling you how it makes them feel, I will always have this control. You will never love another. If I ever feel I'm losing control of you, I will come back to get my fix. I will break you into pieces for even trying to gain back yourself control. You will never love another, as long as I'm still present. I will test every so often. I will cause chaos to act like a victim, to see if you'll run to me. I will find you when I'm looking my best, I will act happy, to remind you of when we were happy. I will send you things just so you read my name and think of me. You will never love another. You will try to help others to gain back the perception that you are a good person. They wont deserve it, but its only to boost yourself confidences that I set out to destroy. You will never love another. I will always be the victim, you will always be the abuser, that's how it will go. I will always have control, don't even try to love another. I will get my claws back in you, anyway I can. I'm strong and I have beaten any and every ounce of drive out of you. You will never love another.
She gazed into their eyes. The people she has loved all her life, blinded by a facade of people that surround everyone.
The girl she danced with to their favorite songs and held as she went through pain. The friends which whom she gossiped with from shitty teachers to teenage boys. The friends she had shown her true face to, beyond her mask.
Behind which remained a fragile girl whose heart ached so painfully she had once wished to end it. Yet once they knew she stilled remained alone. No, are you ok? No warm comforting hugs. No words of comfort given to her.
The things she had given these people when they needed it. When she fell apart they didn't seem to care. Too busy in their own worlds. So she kept talking about boys, they distracted her from herself. She kept singing along to the songs and her nails changed colors. But she was new, quiet, yet no one gave her a second glance.
And she awaited the day she could escape their oblivion. Their jabs she saved in memory. The invisible stabs that lay deep within. The bruises upon her lungs and the scabs upon her mind. The things that people gave to her and she kept. While she gave them the warmth they deserved and she was returned with icy winters and heartless smiles. The flawless facades of people everywhere.
Then she disappears. Without a trace. The people miss her for a while, they lost their warmth. Yet they move on, new facades of people to meet. New masks to try on, and new costumes to wear.
Awhile she bought bandages, stitches, and casts. Fixed herself right up to whom she was truly meant to be. The facade long gone along with bruises, scans, and stabs. Left behind was the naked personality of a girl once broken become anew.
When she return she visited all of them. She blew tornadoes upon them, and cried hurricanes. She stomped earthquakes, and shouted words so icy she caused blizzards. When the people tried to recover they asked her why she had become this way.
She merely said,
"If it weren't for me, you would become I."
The sand pelts my skin, as it blows with the wind. The waves lap at my toes, once again and again.
All this beauty surrounds me, near this magical sea. But one thing just dumbfounds me, why'd I leave-why'd I leave.
In the crystal blue waters, my spirit felt free. I gazed long at the wonders, and the views there to see.
On the shores I felt happy, near that magical sea. So my soul keeps on asking, why'd I leave-why'd I leave.
In the jungle waits adventure, and fruits beyond dreams. Where far in the distance, a menehuné man screams.
Standing just three feet tall, spear readied in hand. The menehuné sit waiting, to protect this great land.
They hide in the bushes, they hide in the trees. And again the thought pushes, why'd I leave-why'd I leave.
In great bamboo forests, all the canes block the light. But I assure it's the purest, of any dark sight.
As they sway with the breeze, ones mind sets at ease. But once again my words breathe, why'd I leave-why'd I leave.
Winding trails cross rivers, then journey through caves. In the pitch dark one quivers, but must remain brave.
For at the end of the darkness, you will find a great sight. Once your eyes readjust, to the quick change of light.
Right before you you'll find, a great cliff you must climb. But it's fantastic views, will be one of a kind.
You'll see fountains of water, pouring out from hillsides. As they carve through the mountains, you'll be filled with much pride.
Knowing all this is yours, for this moment in time. But I pray don't let go, for all this, was once mine.
It was mine to explore, it was all mine to roam. It was my sandy shore, it was my island home.
But now here in this city, I'm filled with self pity. As my heart slowly sinks, and my mood becomes shitty.
I always will grieve, this mistake I believe. And always will scream, why'd I leave-why'd I leave...
Sleepless as the monsters that haunt me so…
Save me, I’m failing greatly and let the wicked wind blow
Fair enough as it is, I let you savor the moment
Demented lickers of fire desires…conjuring the times of lament
Behave, Dave…
Save…save…save…
My dreams of being a singer
My dreams of being a model
My dreams, my visions, breaking by the seams, my missions
Struggling to meet my beginning
The addictions of **** is winning
Okay, I admit it…I love watching the scenes of insanity
I feel rather shitty…holding my breath under water
Drown me the will to fly without the wings of flight
Tonight is the night…the will to fight with my undying might
Was all a lie from the start?
Discard me…Xo Xo Xo…was my lovely art
Mountains and valleys come together to mack
I was addicted to your drugs…holding my nut sack
Mountains to mountains
Valleys to valleys
Childhood was messed up…
Don’t cry over me…don’t cry over me…
I thought I was gay…I learned to hate me…
But, I’m straight…I love me…I love me…
Infections and addictions lick thee…
My plea is please…God…I love yoooo…
But I looked up **** just out of the bloooo
Tuff times…the clicking of dimes…
I collapse into 2 oceans of commotions and emotions
Kiss me the weirdness…
Kiss me the abstract abyss…
I’m tired and sick of losing tuch of yoo, God…
Touch me, your love should touch me…
My heart is weak
My soul is bleak
Hearing Speeeeeeeds of sounds…. Pulling Weeeeeeds from delightless grounds….
Subside from my side
Subside from my side
Devils and angels of thousands marry me merrily
Battlin’ these freedoms of speech…
Your Love Is What I Beseech…
But, I’m breaking apart by the second
Don’t backstab me…be with me…flee with me…you and I are one tree
Members of the soup,
Every one a cool poet
An exstraudany group,
And they should know it
Breidenthal - Laura
Lucas - Rebecca
Cook - Samantha
- Jessica
Adams - Sandra
Leonora - Galinta
Reed - Karma
Everyone has such insight
I just love your every write
Tanya - harrington
Kerry - singleton
Rachel - hefinton
Anne - Lise Andresen
Rufferd - Anne
Harry - Horsman
Your work so spick and spam
Everyones seems so glam
Carol - brown
Dawn - mclunghlin
Anne - curin
And S - Erin
I love everyone's writing
All of you so enlighting
Tsiluma - Vicky
Hasle - Connelly
Catie - Lindsey
(Linda) - P,d
And Terry - Oleary
I love everyone's poetry
You all inspier me
Lina etling
The scipt
The scibe
I love all of it
Such a cool vibe
Any names I've forgot
please do forgive me
love you all too alot
Your's sincerely
David Scott X
I look forward to reading more of your works
Thank you for insperation Im touched in so many ways
At least theres still some people left in the nation
To brighten up the shitty days,,,,,,,D.S,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,x
PS SORRY IF MISSSPELT SOME NAMES OR NAMES BACK
TO FRONT TRYING TO ADD RYME IN SORT OF LETTER RAP STLYE
Joe goes home to his 5 bed semi
Dado rails and flat screen telly
Wife’s cooking dinner, wine in her hand
Kids playing in the den with painted hands
He kicks off his shoes, throws his jacket on the chair
Flops in the lounge like he doesn’t have a care
Dinner ready, and it’s slammed down
Joe gets the kids, games stop #frowns
Forks in hands and food in gobs
Everything forgotten especially shitty jobs
Wife relaxes, it’s all quiet when they eat
She imagines later massaging feet
TV showing, the soaps on the screen
Joes mind is elsewhere, Golf on the green?
Time ticks on, kids are in bed
Joe tries to force work from his head
It’s all about money. Work and bills
Not about living a life without frills
Waking up to bird song coming from the sky
Not about queuing on the M25
Not about the lying, the cheating, the scam
Investing in the stock like he gives a damn
Doesn’t matter if his client jumped from the roof
Joe didn’t tell him to, that’s the truth
Wifey likes the money and the life it buys
Once there was passion behind her eyes
Now it’s all about clothes and shoes, and other ****
Once it was baby talk, laughing at my wit
Now I’m just her ticket to golden riches,
So she can mix it up with the posh bitches
Got to keep her in the style she says she likes
Debts getting bigger, can’t afford the lifestyle hike
Schools are private for a better education
But do they ever improve the state of the nation
How did it get like this my man?
Started out living in a caravan
Mum was drunk, dad was in jail
Joe strived so hard so not to fail
There are many Joes in this world we see
Just try and say hell that won’t be me.
Now who would of thought the thoughts that would truly get the mind lost in fragile thought?
So much on our known life,
about unknown death when we laugh at others but at ourselves we really cry,
in our very own hidden truth lies,
amongst our own poeple who we defy,
until we fight,
for wrongs for personal rights,
**** the darkness is what make us appreciate the light,
I dont talk the talk nor do I walk the walk because I walk my talk while I swagger and swerve im my talks through these walks,
Life can get so messy with death that its time for those of us here to grab the broom so God can mop,
I live life to the fullest with what little I have because I dont have a lot,
I live life shitty sometimes like almost everyone else like it or not,
Im not special Im so unique Im individual with word talent I know I got,
I know what I dont have so its important more knowledge among me is sought,
I can be wrong half the time but can still make it 100% right I was self-taught among a young soul that seems to be bought,
I got a bad limp but dont get me wrong I can still gallup through darkness while I jog lost in the early morning fog waiting to be patiently found in the midnight lounge where I trot,
Truly lost so easily in profound hard thoughts litterally running from the cops waiting to duck and dodge from open gunshots,
Bodies and shells drop where caskets are made among a dying crop,
I can still make a splatter where there was just but a tiny dot,
I used to have merely nothing now atleast I can truly say I have a safe spot,
I was found looking for truth in lies lost in thought....
I remember Woolworth’s,
round plastic seats,
shitty food that was hard to eat.
I remember being to stoned to remember,
I remember being high from January to December.
in those days I could write,
tablets and sheets and paper white,
I remember not needing nor wanting to type.
I remember staying out usually all night,
waiting in the parking lot to fight,
loosing fights and getting my ass kicked,
crawling home to get my wounds licked.
I remember throwing rocks from rooftops,
getting beat down by dirty cops.
home was never a home to me,
wondering why daddy didn’t want me.
I remember New York and her neon lights,
I remember roaming her streets at night.
taking the J train to Woodhaven Blvd. ,
Dope was my only God.
I remember wanting to die,
running out of tears to cry.
I remember waking and seeing a Priest,
What I want to remember least.
I remember God saying its not my time,
the Devil saying it will all be fine.
I remember hanging on to my last breath,
wondering why I didn’t chose death.
I remember the pain in her eyes,
why she wanted me alive.
I remember loosing all hope,
the pains of kicking dope.
I remember the weeks I couldn’t sleep,
the weeks I couldn’t eat.
waking in cold sweats,
I remember all the regrets.
I remember she remembered me,
she became we.
I remember now what it is to love,
I remember now that there is a God above.
I remember now as I remember then,
I remember Woolworth’s as the beginning of the end…....
*********************************************************************
Voice Of The Real Victim
Girls have me long as I increase her beauty, I’m the hair
But people use me creepy, it’s not fair.
Me the forehead being in a full entity,
Though I can grab your mind which is so shitty.
Me filled with salt water
Dreamt to be amazed with glowing colors,
But now with full of anger
Destroyed by devils with endless hunger.
With the sense of smell, I’m the nose
To those who doesn’t have nerves
By your sight I can smell your evil thirst,
And also, I can sense your noxious lust
The two attractive part, I’m the lips,
Only with love give me the kiss.
Me the neck, a narrow connecting,
But this brutal act makes me dying.
I create different sounds; I’m the reason why you speak
Don’t press me hard, as I’m a little weak,
Just like the sweet voice of the nightingale and sparrow
I cry within me, my anger and sorrow.
We the twin organs on a women’s chest
We produce milk for the infants to drink.
Why you demons strike us for the taste,
You make all our virginity to go waste.
I’m the shelter for your child,
I have nothing to make you wild.
What’s there in me to snoop?
Dignitaries don’t have an act to sue the group.
Longer we are attractive we look,
We bear a lot of pain in running and working hard ,
You break me to avoid getting kicked
Forgetting that, I have a life behind the wrecked.
I bear the pain of giving birth
But misused by people who lack to know it’s worth.
Women society should be made honorable
Who should also teach their own ennoble.
………………..