Long Self destruction Poems

Spiritual Mahjong
Your Move Lord

Is there a God?
A benevolent entity.
An eternal presence presiding over me.
A creator, watching and observing.
All knowing.
Is my end determined and conclusive before it begins, before I begin?
If so, then to what purpose...

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Since you wanna play riddles and poetry puzzles with me
Before we go any further - allow me to bring you up to speed
I just got cheated on - not even a month fresh
After a terrifying,...

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Mine courtship and marriage with deadly obsession...

As September daze will soon arrive
recollections from a 
psychologically checkered  past
loom large recalling  
tragic storied days of mein kampf.

Circa early nineteen seventies:
As a mere slip of a...

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I OPENED A DOOR IN THE UNIVERSE 
ONLY TO FIND MYSELF 
FLOATING IN A SPHERE. 

A FAINT REDISH COLORED LIGHT 
PIERCED THE SPHERE.
IN A WAY , ALLOWING TO ME 
TO PARTIALLY NAVIGATE
MY WAY AROUND. 

THE...

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The Medicine was harsh
Never promised to be good
Just enlightening.

In luicid dreaming
A giant becomes a Self
So did Gerd follow

To rule too, soon
As his father before him
Leading his people.


        ...

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"LETTER OF INNER RE-EVALUATION"

As I think about the future moving forward, it seems that I miscalculated the opportunity laid before me. In this moment of strife and turmoil, should I act, without taking a full...

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(alternately titled: Typical daily mindset today – 
July 17th, 2020)

The following words
mostly unredacted, nevertheless finessed
for curbed poetic/prosaic appeal
lock, stock and barrel
codify, and edify (hoopfully not mortify)
any reader unbeknownst and/or familiar
with unsteady state of yours truly,
(an...

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Moisture on a mirror
(A story of PTSD)
03/12/16
As I look back on my life. 
I know there is a much sadness and a conflict that I did not understand.
Many hours searching for answers that affected my...

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I ask myself a rhetorical question regarding...
the durability, longevity, and tenacity of Homo sapiens,
after screaming headlines report one after another atrocity.

How did the human species manage to survive
with many means
of self destruction at their disposal?

Atomic...

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Across figurative and literal blackened white board...

Where death of democracy writ large,
nevertheless psychological strength predominates
unlike earlier chapters of mein kampf.

Mine hardscrabble existential debacle 
spelled losing game
swept me up in malevolent mindset 
far adrift from harbored...

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Chains, so heavy. Binding every body part.  
A cell: its cold metal bars blocking out light.   
A wall, originally meant to protect, now a barricade nothing penetrates.
A net, once safety, now entangling,...

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A gentleman dressed all in black, hides amongst the shadow realm,
This inquisitions exorcist fights on the altar of justice
And faith, a white knight of the elliptical moon, defending
The mortal souls of humanity, on this thin...

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Mine courtship with deadly obsession(s)
still indelibly scored within 
windmills of my mind
this July 22nd, 2020.

Imagine yours truly post pubescence
(no matter ye never met me)
all that life in front of me
argh... precious time squandered
abustle with rattle...

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This is the other side, the eternal space hidden...
A world without skin and flesh, 
the perfect nightmare relents.

Before and after... and even now, since then does not exist...
Yesterday and today... as time ticks away, 
dying...

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~***Part One of Vanish Away the Anguish series…read Part Two, Leaving You. Thanks***~

It’s horrendous…
This loneliness
Finding it hard enough to extraordinarily express
Myself when people don’t mind how big of a mess
I’ve been in…for an awful long,...

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The Caves of Jupiter
 Part   II.
But each one who layed with King Daeth also multiplied
the need of the king,
and King Daeth did say unto his physician,
the same who was blinded by the kings...

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Lost in space lost in time with a dream of a world to take as mine one hand full of wishes the other hand filled with plans figured if I mix them together ill come...

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The unrealistic acts we put on to manipulate one another, living and sleeping with active minds. The act of evil smelling over the surrounding, guilt brightly sparkling on our visages without pardon we step on...

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well now, let’s see, 
if you live in “the land of the
free,” 
you get to see people get blown
away at a higher frequency these days,
because of
“individuals”
who have snapped,
right?
couldn’t be the wonderful capitalist 
gangbang, that squeezes...

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Why,
I'm alive,
  and still I breathe
in the midnight hour.
I want to touch you,
tear into your skin,
don't stop until I get enough,
I was born from original sin.
Don't be cruel
  to a heart that's true,
shock...

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If only you knew,
How many tears I've shed...
Or how painful it was,
To let you go...

The only way I could subdue the pain,
Was to accept my lost...

But thru it all,
The pain was still deep within...
A deep...

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Vitriolic scathing psychological malevolent jujitsu
cruelly, fiendishly, incriminating
lambasting opprobrium rue
teenly dished out to yours truly

mechanically engineered hatred to stew
when passive aggression fostered corked,
where self destruction grew
tens of decades ago, when this then
much younger match chew

Scott doubted,...

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Self destructive, even writing on pages without lines feels chaotic and liberating 
even though I know the frustration I will feel as my words slope downwards, down 
words. They angle, pitching against my embedded need...

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My head spinning  
My mind twisted,
Im caught up in a propeller 
While my body is being catapulted,
My life's a spin, so its your turn
Jumping jacks and back packs
My life a journey and my past...

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I AM A Foster Child THAT FAUGHT AGAINST SOCIETIES STIGMA 
    In a world off track from thoughts like mine.  
In a dream, rewinding back, are the hands of time. 
...

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