Long Irreparable Poems
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(dashed off upon learning untimely demise
regarding prosperous family, whose small
plane crashed. about half dozen years ago,
they lived ~ three doors down from us.)
No words can assuage the deep sorrow,
this once upon a time neighbor
(I lived at 1148 Greentree Lane) experiences
disbelief, numbness, shock...
attendant by an irreparable loss of beloved,
and vacillated how to communicate
heartfelt sympathy,
where words superfluous,
yet... if for that challenge alone,
an affinity with language
spurred impulse to focus upon
bountiness of joie de vivre
imbibed years gone by,
when every now and
again chance encounters
found yours truly (me)
in delightful company
regarding persons whose presence
imbued benevolence, kindness, warmth...
facilitating emotional philanthropy
influenced long term positive memories
to one experienced being
outcast, ostracized, offensive...
courtesy unfortunate series
of circumstances beyond my control,
which voiced unwelcome tension
sabotaged reaching quality politeness
displeased at unfriendly reactions
reflexively, maliciously, impetuously...
did little or no justice
toward conflict resolution
which altercations nearly,
quickly did segway profoundly
into unpleasant standoffs,
yes bias, bigotry, bitterness
begat bisel meshuga
acutely aware I loathe
uncouth actions regarding myself
and strive to remain
affable, cordial, friendly...,
hence an object lesson,
(albeit ex post facto)
to abide by my inner integrity,
ethos, doga politesse...,
especially when pitted against
unsavory electric acid kool aid test
tis then urgently vital to remain
steadfast, and figuratively
turn the other cheek
particularly when populace
under severe duress
re: instigated by pathologically
belligerent, ill mannered, rude...
president whose sets abhorrent precedence,
whereby people of nation follow suit,
yet this concomformist only hopes
to affect positive within world at large.
Walked into a ruddy stop sign today
Damn thing's been there for eons
Concentration lately is all shot to hell
It's the looney bin for me e'er long
They'll lock me up this time for good
Probably it's best that they do
Before I do some irreparable damage
And I wind up royally screwed
Thought I had things under control
Wear underwear most every day
But at times I'm known to wander off
Police bring me back when I stray
Bumping into things ain't a good sign
Quite famous all over the town
Forgetting to zip up after having a pee
Or even forgetting to zip down
So sad an ending to a productive life
Babbling to myself as I drool
But the friends I talk to inside my head
Understand me and think I'm cool!
© Jack Ellison 2015
The outer shell is hard and strong
The home is built where they belong
The independence proclaims aloof
But manifests in times of truth
When welcomed in to loves embrace
The outer shell begins to break
The homely crab is so endearing
And loves so fiercely; feelings searing
But beware, whilst crabs are gentle
If you hurt them, they go mental
Rearing up with cutting claws
Retaliation; no time to pause
Once again you're tossed aside
Forever enemies they can't abide
The outer shell is back in place
As they return to illusive grace
You can't return to their affection
The damage is a staid inflection
The course of love has changed and ended
Irreparable pain which cannot be mended
You have made me as I am,
Broken and irreparable, tossed aside
In the darkest place imaginable
I am now huddled,
Broken and Ravaged,
How can I recover?
When you insist on tearing open my wounds,
At the first sign of a scar.
This is what you have condemned me to,
This darkness, betrayal,
I am undone, you, my undoing,
You have seen me,
My permission granted
To do what you will,
My mistake, my one true folly embedded with regret,
Such delicate matters for one as unfit,
As you have revealed yourself to be,
Incapable of ever truly loving me,
Those words you have chanted upon my unwise ear,
I see now the hollow nature they wear,
No substance behind the seams of your lies,
No passion within your sighs,
No promise in your eyes, no hope in your words,
Garments disguised the emptiness of the absurd,
The absurd disguised in belief of love,
The lover disguised as bliss thereof,
Endearments spoken and all care tossed aside,
Swimming in the unknown beckoning of the tides,
I blame you not,
For it was by my hand,
That condemned me to this deserted land,
Where nothing grows,
No water flows,
No song upon the wind,
No acknowledgement of sin,
No life within me,
No life without me,
No shudders in the dark,
No warmth in the morn,
No careless whispers at the peak of dawn,
Trust lives here, trust is rot,
My soul is weary, my wounds are not.
Death is a guest that comes to all,
Then like a withered leaf, we fall,
It comes with its carriage,
To halt us on the passage.
Death summons the soul,
It’s its duty and role,
The soul goes on an eternal sojourn,
Within the walls of a celestial region.
Death doesn’t consider status,
It brings to anyone its apparatus,
Weighed in the balance,
It’s uncertain if we’ll be given a second chance,
How can we accept death with equanimity of mind,
When our loved ones we can no longer find,
Taken away from us,
We live with this irreparable loss.
February 9, 2023,
Writing Challenge - D words - Poetry Contest,
Constance La France.
A spiritual sickness enveloped my stagnant heart.
I searched for her in darkened obscure visions,
A futile illusory chase that led to a desert of love.
Had I become addicted to her presence?
Deep in my heart, I knew that all was distorted.
I wondered if I really loved her,
Yet I could not bear the loss, knowing her as I did.
Finally, she disappeared from circulation,
It left my strength sapped from a wide goose chase.
Life trickled by slowly, as I lost my job, wasted my money,
Rendering my situation an almost irreparable ruin and loss.
Looking back, recollecting my bad choices
It took me some time to discern the inevitable damage
That rendered my skeletal life beyond repair.
Could I renew and restore my affluent fortunes?
Life had its ups and downs, like desert dunes.
All I needed was a fertile oasis. Walking on the hot sand
Was painful but I had to try. I began my journey anew.
Will I ever learn? Who knows? One can only hope.
After all, the desert is never endless though it may seem so.
Pictures of babies and license plates,
are you asking a criminal to find you?
The internet is NOT benevolent.
It’s phony as hell, you better believe it;
Keep your life out of reach and private.
A cheer or criticism, neither are needed;
Less is so much more decent,
let’s practice social media modesty;
With each detail you make public
you put your life at unimaginable risk;
People will follow you stalking your life,
until they scrape enough to create a copy;
Is it you? Is it not? It doesn’t really matter.
Identity theft only needs your numbers;
Suddenly there are two of you twinning,
but one is just a parasite you’re feeding;
Less is so much more decent,
let’s practice social media modesty;
Mind your manners remain chaste,
some things really should stay closed;
Stop flaunting what matters so carelessly!
Better think twice or become a victim ;
Sudden chill down your spine in real life,
That irreparable damage was preventable;
Less is so much more decent,
let’s practice social media modesty.
Trees are uncommon things in the desert
The common color you see is white brown
Where you account it as dried granule bones
For a long tedious pounding and eroding of time
Once upon a time lush green valley of lively hope
Now hopeless, devoid vast hot, empty valley of mirages
Its agony bring sandstorm and whirlwind to human
Telling as the lesson of negligence to conscience
Now, people suffer mightily the vengeance so deep
Causing global warming, abrupt quick weather pattern
Wise men they said the world damage is irreparable
Is there any chance we can avert or recuperate ill manners
Yes we can, the last thing that Pandora's Box left is hope
As long as there is life, there is hope we can achieve
I see there are many eyes that always sees green
Just to think of it, if this Seven Billion people one day
Will wake up and have this green eyes of loving green
Initiate to plant trees each one each day in all barren land
What do you think the world will be like, is it nice or not
Just to think of an oasis, a lake in the midst of a desert
A new villages that sprung up in barren land, a new society
A new city, a new bursting metropolis in the midst of a new life
A new government that is newly installed, a new culture of hope
Just think of it, if people will love back their first love
Loving the nature is restoring and helping back its pristine beauty
This is one way of loving God, loving our fellowmen as you love yourself.
I was dreading my return to work. There would be a multitude of questions
especially by that sod, Riley. He and I had never gotten along; he was too weird. Death was desolating but an untimely death at the hands of a murderer seemed somehow a tiny bit worse.
I realized with a heartfelt pang that I had mourned until my eyes could not mourn any more. They were so raw already, the damage might be irreparable.
As a kind of glorious consolation Monday was a placid day. The sun was out,
the birds were singing, it felt like the first day of spring; although spring was a
few weeks away. There was a peaceful solitude when I arrived at the office.
The only car in the giant parking lot belonged to my boss, Howard. It was his old red Volvo, a monster car that we had always laughed about when we
were dating. Howard was the best kind of boss, smart, open-minded, friendly,
helpful, a great listener. As a date he had been a dud though.
I like wild boys - bad boys, not nice guys. I have no idea why, but if my adrenaline is not racing, you are not the one for me. Howard’s innocence made him seem dull to me. Yes, I think that was it. He was so quick to flush, inexperienced, I did not want him to know my wild side. I thought
it might jeopardize my job.
I would not mind having a few seconds alone with Howard
this morning. Dull was something I could do after this last week of hell. I raced up the concrete steps. When I reached the glass door my badge did not work. Dhram! I thought maintenance had fixed that.
Howard was in his office alone. I spoke to him briefly, as I could see he was not in a conversational mood, which was odd for him. His eyes were red, so I left. Sometimes work is not the best place to unleash a bunch of grief. When I reached my desk all of my things were gone. Cleared off.
I looked up and saw a giant picture of me and my boyfriend
Spider, on the other side of the room. What the ….? Irritated, I walked over there to get a closer look. Spider had been nothing but trouble lately.
A bright light surrounded me as I approached the painting. An angel was standing in the middle of it. You have said goodbye to Howard now. It is time, she said gently. I nodded. Ready now to take on a new endeavor; my real life. This one had never been what I was looking for anyway.
Walked into a ruddy stop sign today
Damn thing's been there for eons
Concentration lately is all shot to hell
It's the looney bin for me e'er long
They'll lock me up this time for good
Probably it's best that they do
Before I do some irreparable damage
And I wind up royally screwed
Thought I had things under control
Wear underwear most every day
But at times I'm known to wander off
Police bring me back when I stray
Bumping into things ain't a good sign
Quite famous all over the town
Forgetting to zip up after having a pee
Or even forgetting to zip down
So sad an ending to a productive life
Babbling to myself as I drool
But the friends I talk to inside my head
Understand me and think I'm cool!
© Jack Ellison 2013