Long Humorous poetry Poems
Long Humorous poetry Poems. Below are the most popular long Humorous poetry by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Humorous poetry poems by poem length and keyword.
DISCLAIMER: This is a tongue-in-cheek, sardonic critique
of my own poetry from the perspective of a fictitious non poetry lover. This is not aimed at any of you wonderful Soup poets... please do not be offended!
Tell me who has the time for a poem?
If there's facts to know, I want to know 'em.
You enjoy sounding Ivory Tower-y
But I don't care for words super flowery.
Your analogies and your hyperbole
Like intense gnats annoy me disturbally
I will catch all your facts as you throw 'em
But I just don't have time for your poem.
All astonishing alliterations
Will arouse in me no titillations
Your undue fascination with meter
Is not shared by this philistine reader.
Your iambic pentameter’s boring
And induces in me rhythmic snoring
You may claim it’s Shakespearean rhythm;
But perhaps we should bury it with him!
Your obtuse meta narrative's yet a bore
Please remind again, what's your meta for?
Your insipid attempts to use simile
Are like choking on smoke from my chimile.
Your pursuit of profound allegory
Should be saved for your purple prose story
But as I've said before, I've no time
To be reading your 4-stanza rhyme.
Should you give me a gift of a sonnet
I’ll be scanning for pawn shops to pawn it
Though you say if I tried hard, I'd love it
What I'd love most is if you'd just shove it!
Reading poetry takes too much work
And I'm only a mid-level clerk.
Your quatrains? I suggest you forego 'em
'Cause I just don't have time for your poem.
When eye was eating my serial this mourning
Aye red the hole rules four the contest
Eye sore it inn black and white
It was plane for all two sea
The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks
Butt too me this practise isn’t write,
Nun are aloud, they are usually band
Yule have guest its throne me off coarse
Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry
How can wee expect two win
Hour poem mite bee bard
Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid
Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol…
May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two
Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe?
Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium
Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless
08~13~15
Do you have a poetic licence
to park your pitiful purple prose
(alliteratively he wrote)
it even puts my poor feet to sleep
and gives me painful coma toes
(literally did he quote)
And have you paid your syn tax
to persist in paltry poetry
(a non sequitur perhaps)
as dabbling in sad scribbling
is how your paean 'ppears to me
(no storied scripts mere scraps)
Before paper and pen you pick up
or possibly parchment and quill
(pheasant not porcupine)
please procrastinate perchance to ponder
prior to putting out pig in a poke swill
(pearls of wisdom before swine)
The heart is a language
of feelings, the mind a
language of wordy debate
let my heart transgress
always lead my poetic fate --
let the spaces between
suggest so little as mere that,
this, and such
but never clearly
too much –
through the
blessed fog of creation I will
bravely be led, the language
of poetry, a wild predator, always
in pursuit, dangerously un-fed
let my erratic emotion
cause composition commotion,
let me fearlessly scribe works
both soothing and those irritating
needing lotion
let poetry be my prayer as well
my devotion...so God please
delay my heaven-bound hearse
till I have penned, to take with me,
a sh't-load of pungent verse!
We’ve recently been to Malta and had an incredible time
I met Paul, Charma and Victor. Meeting soupers was divine!
The memories I have of our time together
Will stay with me forever and ever
In Malta there is so much to do, so many places to explore
It was our fourth consecutive visit … Malta holidays I adore!
Soon the time came for us to say goodbye
And home in the airplane we’d have to fly
I climbed on board the airplane (I’ll try to be discrete)
But the man sitting next to me was also taking up MY seat
I couldn’t put the arm rest down it was covered by his back
He needed a seat belt extension to give him a bit of slack
Fortunately I’m petite and don’t take up too much room
I wasn’t squashed for too long .. the pilot sure went zoom!
11~02~16
No tellin' how long coronavirus will keep me confined at home,
Since the guv'ner insists that I wash my hands and I'm not to roam!
It has upset my routine since its genesis in a place called Wuhan,
But it'll give me time to do things around here that need doin'!
I really need to remove last fall's leaves that accrued in the gutter,
And 'twould be the perfect time to clear the attic of its clutter.
There are piles of books in my library that I've put off readin',
And the flower beds and garden need a thorough weedin'.
The windows need washin' to clear them of winter's grime,
And I need to repair the clock that is gradually losin' time.
Since spring has arrived the lawn sure needs fertilizin',
And to get rid of winter's flab, I need to do more exercisin'!
But hold on! This list of chores sounds too much like work!
Some day I'll tackle these jobs, but for now, them I opt to shirk!
So I think I'll just take it easy and compose a poem today,
But for the life of me I cannot think of a thing to say!
The List
I was waiting by my mailbox
To hear news from the Soup
I know they like to keep me
Somewhere, in the loop
I couldn’t wait to see, ME !
Somewhere at the top
Of The Hundred best read poems
That reader's thought were Hot
While I nestled in my chair
Took my subtle writers pose
With my thumb under my chin
And my finger, side my nose
I started to peruse
The list presented clear
While looking for My Name
I found it wasn’t there
Perhaps an over site
Could sure explain, a lot
They failed to read, the comments
And all the praise, I got
But then, it came to me
Those guys are really smart
My poems are so good
Their’re simply off the charts
By JTCurtis
In that cheerful house room,
Everything ok, by the air and the floor ...
The notebooks of poetry,
along with the soap boxes,
Hanging clothes
composes a "art impression" ...
Tied Ties
on the covers of LP albums,
and CD and DVD
stacked spreading
Appetizer...
3 socks "decorating" one
side of the Bidet!
Others serving as lock
from the toolbox ...
Ah! an ancient t-shirt
redecorating the luminaire ...
Broken exposed denture
in a deteriorated mug ...
A pair of glasses without a degree
inside the plant jar ...
A depraved pants showing off
injuries in a can without a lid ...
Panties sprawled together
a box of chocolate, leftovers
enamel bottles on top
from the speaker ...
~ hi messy little room,
whose feat is it !?
I don't care, I just assume that if the room
does not be shy, why should o and
the cheerful house ...!?
And then the owner doesn't even talk ...!
All is relative, 2 and 2 are not 4,
but 22 ... an 8 is nothing else
that two 3 back one
to the other ... I0 in reverse
is Q.I not only ten, but many
combined figures, several
problems solved ...
Hundred with H, is a respectable value,
an honorable and eld centenary human being...
With S of sans, it's nothing ... nothing!
The zero 0, is a bigger brother of o ...
if accentuated, look and assembled in
o,?.ó.ó, o does not form a figure
but a row of regrets ...
Numbers compose numbers,
letters combine words.
Numbers count.
letters write ...
Well or worse things with them
happen, but this is also
relative ... and with that relativity,
we live ...!
I’ve got a secret to tell you, so gather round to hear
I had afternoon tea with the Queen in May this year
Her majesty was wearing a dress of bright emerald green
When she walked in the room she looked so serene
A corgi puppy bounded in and sat down on her knee
The Queen was perfectly poised whilst she sipped her tea
We nibbled cucumber sandwiches with the crusts removed
I didn’t drop a crumb on the red carpet, I hope her Majesty approved!
We talked at length about my poetry
Her majesty asked ‘could you recite one for me’
I smiled and recited an old limerick or two
The Queen then asked for a poem that was new
How could I refuse a request from the Queen like that
So I made up a poem about the corgi chasing the cat
Oh how the Queen laughed and smiled with glee
She decreed me to be the writer of royal poetry
So now I e mail her majesty every single day
My poems are read to the Queen by her valet
I’m an official royal poet and I am so excited
I hope it won’t be too long before I get knighted
Contest Tell a tall tale Sponsored by Jesse Day
07~03~16