Long Hissy fit Poems
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Everyone knew that there was something amiss,
but no one was stirred enough to even lift a fist.
Patriots and paupers alike saw no such enemy on their list.
They were surprised that someone ascended from the abyss.
They were rendered helpless, unable to resist, and had
no allies with any ability to assist. They stared in disbelief,
constantly asking, "What is this?", but no one answered from the fog and the mist; nor would there be a Knight in
shining armor coming to the rescue. And now, their once
freedom-bearing dream was fading from the scene. Like
Ancient Rome, Acirema did not go dark overnight. But there
was a gradual trod, committed efforts, and shifting priorities.
Common Sense disappeared and they dismissed the difference
between wrong and right, before the darkness blackened the light.
There were too few warriors in their midst, and most
of their worshipers would simply hiss. When they realized they'd been deceived with a kiss, with a child-like tantrum,
they had a little hissy fit. But like Judas, there was no exit,
the dye had been cast, and a way of restoration did not exist.
Yes, after many years of division and hate, it was now too late.
There were guns, tanks, and troops stretching for miles and miles.
There were masses of people and a large scattering of paper files.
It was a clear and slightly windy day, although sunny and mild. There
was a myriad of crying eyes, and in vain I searched for just one smile.
Acirema was later sentenced to death after a hasty kangaroo trial.
062221PSCtest, Let Er Rip #3, John Lawless
Fiction
Sometimes I think
My computer is plotting against me
And only me!
Trying deliberately to drive me mad.
My computer knows
When I am busy,
Then it throws a hissy fit.
Constantly Crashing
It often refuses to boot up,
And crashes constantly.
It loses data it had the day before.
Or five minutes before.
Or refuses to save the data.
Just messing with me.
As it loves toying with me
Making me yell and scream
On my computer screen.
Can’t Open Files
Often when trying to open
A document in Word,
The Word open file button
Fails to respond
Sometimes you have to wait
Five minutes for it to respond.
Or when trying to open a file
The computer opens a random file
Instead.
Or when trying to open a document
It kicks you out
Often several times
Random Blue Screen of Death
Cursing up a blue stream of blue curses
As the blue screen of death
Marches across the dark blue screen
Smiling at me.
Years ago my computer
converted everything
to the number 6 endlessly scrolling
down the blue screen of death.
Endless Non-Response Spinning blue wheels
Copy and Paste Wiping out document text
Or when doing a simple copy-and-paste function
The computer defaults to the last command
Making you have to do it again and again
Up to five times sometimes
And on a random basis
The copy and paste function
Wipes out all data
In the document
And to add insult to injury
Deletes all previously saved version
Sending the data
Into computer limbo land
Never to be found again
All without warning
Just zip it's gone!
Frozen Num Lock
Another thing
My computer loves doing
Is on a random basis,
Turn the numbs lock on
Without warning
Turning text into numbers.
Requiring you to manually
Turn off the number lock.
Defaulting to Foreign Languages
A very annoying feature
Is that when you log in from overseas
Everything defaults to a foreign language
Usually without the ability to change
It back to English
Mission Accomplished
And all the other gobbledygook messages
That pops up every five minutes, it seems
As the computer slowly drives me mad.
Flashing the final insult
User-driven mad
Mission accomplished.
No one ever had a more devoted super patron.
He marveled at every painting and poem I thought up.
He cheered at each of my gaudy crazy color choices,
He toasted all my thoughts with a golden glass tribute cup.
He wanted to buy all, the first time I had a white arts and crafts carnival tent.
I was against this of course, wanting a chance to sell to others, to share my soul.
This life is not yours, he said, you are more sensitive, artistic, heaven-sent.
But I wanted to sell to excited children, and their mothers, that was my goal.
My marvelous patron talked me into selling online, and that worked out for a bit.
I was gleeful and happy and awhirl with joy with each sale, so tried and true.
But when I went to visit him, and saw each painting in his home, I threw a hissy fit.
I wanted to sell to others, I said, I didn’t want all of them to be sold to you.
Now when I sell a painting or a poem, I run home all aquiver, excitedly glad.
Sales always chase away any insane feelings of disappointment or unexpected gloom.
I have a patron who believes in me, a man who is honest, and never a cad.
Best of all, to deliver it, all I have to do is walk to my own living room.
Marvelous Minnie had a hissy fit and threw her lamp down the stairs.
It hit an elf, a gargoyle, and four children dressed as Goldilocks and the Bears.
They ran up to see what was going on in the Witch’s crazy old mind.
I am sorry, she said. I did not think ahead, this was truly unkind.
And so they forgave her, but the next thing she decided to do….
Was to throw stuff out the window, and a couch landed on two.
They were shrieking and screaming and wailing to beat the band.
I don’t even care, she said. I thought their motives were underhand.
Come on! Her Auntie Feefife said. Give them a break, they turned into curd.
Transmogrify them into something else please, their squawking is rather absurd.
3 Senryu and a few Limericks
an eerie shadow
a hand touches my shoulder
....a double parked broom
shrieks in the graveyard
skeletons in the moonlight
.....a timpani of old bones
arched backs and Mohawks
claw marks and a hissy fit
......broom stick rumble seat
The Corona virus mask
creates a Halloween task
how to eat candy
even when handy
the same problem exists for dad's flask
The witches and ghoulies are running late
rushing with potions to seal our fate
if it gets much sicker
I'll just use the clicker
and move to a colorless state
John G. Lawless
10/9/2020
Some wanted to be tigers. The angels talked a few out of it,
Two were led away, because they had a ridiculously silly hissy fit.
Six were given tiger-status, and sent to an Indian village.
I hoped they would be safe if guerillas came to plunder and pillage.
My best friend chose lion, and was soon waving a hearty, healthy good bye
From the Kenya-bound transporter, traveling south west in the night sky.
Not extremely hopeful, I flipped through the reincarnation cards selected for me,
I could be a rooster, a mushroom, an eagle, a snake, or a hickory tree.
Mazie, my spirit guide, was at the end of her rope. She said that is enough.
She got rather nasty, her wings looked matted and her speech was mean and gruff.
A changeling? I asked her in a hopeful little teasing way, my voice pretty level.
Praying she would not throw me in the fire slide that led to that crafty devil.
A changeling can reincarnate in one form, but can change earth bodies as needed.
A changeling can shape-shift, without sage, opium or thyme newly-seeded.
A changeling does not get bored with the same body every single earth day.
A changeling makes his own rules, and can fly or swim good-heartedly away.
I was an oak tree for ten years, spying on the neighbors from my seat way up high.
Then I decided to become their puppy, with one loud happy transmogrify.
I was going to be an owl next, but I forgot one important rule in heaven.
A puppy, no matter what breed, or how happy, rarely lives past the earth age of seven.
So here I am, figuring it out all over again. Next time as a porpoise, I will be needing a fin.
It starts small~
a sigh sharp enough to slice drywall,
a muttered well I never,
then a dramatic shuffle of papers
that did absolutely nothing wrong.
Then the arms cross.
The eyebrows rise.
The soul leaves the body
for a brief smoke break.
Suddenly this fully grown human~
tax-paying, grocery-shopping,
responsible-for-a-mortgage human~
is having a full-tilt hissy fit
because the Wi-Fi blinked
or someone said calm down.
There’s foot tapping.
There’s theatrical breathing.
There’s a moment where they stare
into the middle distance
like a pioneer widow
who just broke the last jar of peaches.
And you stand there thinking,
Lord help us,
the toddler has escaped
and taken over the adult body.
But eventually~
after the sighs,
the flutters,
the tragic monologue
about how no one understands
the gravity of the situation~
they return to themselves,
smooth their shirt,
clear their throat,
and say with great dignity,
“I’m fine now.”
outside, I usually I keep my stegosaurus Wild Willie hidden,
but if I shriek he comes at a gallop, feeling validated and bidden.
Police have come twice, called by my neighbor Sam, who is full of fright.
I laugh, asking who has ever seen a real dinosaur, right?
Willie cannot got to work with me, because I work at an elementary school.
They do not even allow pets, for fear they might sweat, potty, bite or drool.
He stays at home in his corner eating eggs and rice, watching Netflix.
His tail accidentally opens the curtains, which causes a real conflict.
I bring home eggs and rice, so Willie is totally content and clean.
He has a little poo pile out back, where his poos are used for flower sheen.
We have never had an argument or disagreed on anything remotely big.
Except he did have a hissy fit when I suggested adopting a pot-belly pig.
Doo Doo the cat was irritated today; totally not sweet.
She had gone to the roof, and Horned Owl was sitting in her seat.
That is my place, she said, but his look could easily defeat.
He rolled his eyes, and went to sleep, his thoughts now complete.
Come on! Doo Doo shrieked. I need my seat; it is where I sit.
She screamed and yelled and stomped, had a big hissy fit.
Horned Owl raised an eyebrow but it did not annoy him one bit.
He closed his eye back up, to a narrow tiny half slit.
Doo Doo nearly had a conniption fit, she was angry as heck.
She went down to the barn and spoke to the hen named Old Peck.
You are annoying a Horned Owl? You are as crazy as young Beck.
Who is young Beck? She asked. A chick eaten by Horned owl. Oh heck!
Do Horned Owls eat cats? Doo Doo asked, horrified and now scared.
If you go back up there, you will find out, Old Peck said. She cared.
So Doo Doo the cat let Horned Owl have her favorite seat on the roof.
But she carries pepper spray now. Horned Owl’s eyes carry the proof.
I LOVE AND I HATE YOU THE SAME
How dare you love me, have you no shame? I'm not just touched I'm insane. I'm wickedly evil, a cheatin' lil' weasel, Jackass is my first and last name. I'm Joe Dirt when I flirt, Cousins Eddie of work, I aspire to the least that I can. I sure as heck ain't no Marlboro man. I smoke like a chimney, and drink like a fish, I'm a gamblin' man and also a snitch. I'm short, fat, and bald, I don't come when I'm called, I'm likely passed out in a ditch.
I love you and I hate you the same.
I just can't put out this flame.
I'm a low down, peckerwood, loathsome, misunderstood, weak willed, red pilled, rootin tootin, drinkin, shooting, down and dirty, 30-30, back alley clan rally, hillbilly, redneck, hick.
You're hateful and mean, birthing many mens' genes, and now youre hittin the wall. Gangly & toothless, spiteful & ruthless, you smell like meth and Pall Malls. Stripping's behind you, bills are all past due. You ain't nothin but a booty call. Ferally raised, dropped out in third grade, immune to morals, judgment, and mace. One leg is bowed, you sound like a toad, and you use saddle soap on your face.
I love you and I hate you the same.
I just can't put out this flame.
She's a botox, detox, skin n bones, silicone, Harper valley, mustang Sally, misfit, hypocrite, "Cops" show viral hissy fit, easy, sleazy, dollar store cheesy, hillbilly, redneck, chick.
We scream and we cuss, we never discuss,
we'd rather it come to blows. We don't clear the air, and we never fight fair. She stabbed me and then broke my nose. A sight to be seen, trailer park king & queen. We hail what brings others disgust. We're not worthy of love from heaven above. All we have left is the lust. I've been feelin sick, since your flame lit my wick. Penicillin just might do the trick.
I love you and I hate you the same,
I just can't put out this flame.