Long Hemorrhoid Poems
Long Hemorrhoid Poems. Below are the most popular long Hemorrhoid by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Hemorrhoid poems by poem length and keyword.
Following is the April 2012 Monthly Activity Report compiled by the TSA.
I appears that Fred Feely Fingers and his pals do a thorough job, I must say!
Those diligent and dedicated folks earn their pay according to this survey.
For your information, I hasten to report their detailed findings without delay!
They discovered eighty-seven transvestites - terrorists - zilch!
Three natural blondes were detected - terrorists - zilch!
Fifty-thousand breast implants - terrorists - zilch!
Over three thousand serious hemorrhoid cases - terrorists - zilch!
Nearly fourteen hundred hernias - terrorists - zilch!
Eight thousand enlarged prostates - terrorists - zilch!
Don't you feel safer flying the friendly skies having learned these facts?
Having had our physical exams we can now board with confidence and relax!
(Let's pray those guys won't be so obsessed with us dropping our slacks,
That they let guns and strange-looking drawers fall through the cracks!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Xxvi+ marriage anniversary (mine)
recalls first disastrous
date with future missus
approximately waltzing
matt tilde two dozen
plus years ago
Tex Mex Connection
201 E Walnut Street
North Wales, Pennsylvania, 19454
every entree included beans
maybe refried or otherwise
effectively laid siege
mine delicate constitution
quickly felt bloated
ready to explode
ala Hindenburg Airship
rushed out restaurant
like bat out of hell
twofold purpose accomplished
desperately needed
to eliminate gaseous buildup
airing banal courtesy
yours truly as kapellmeister
aired rendition, viz Die Fledermaus
for sphincter muscle
hence, faster than Usain Bolt
dashed out front door
plus needed to tap MAC
inadequate wallet stash cash
thus, aye hightailed to nearest ATM,
or rather courtesy rectal explosion
blasted lovely gaseous body
analogously, effectively, gravity free
whizzing, whirring, whining balloon
a bit far afield
incidental bank woe
gastrointestinal directive resolved
forced effort taxed derriere
all told alight propulsion
natural gas fueled
lovely bones within flash
far surpassing long held
Guinness Book world's record
Jackass the ripper former
flatulence champion claimed,
nonetheless I safely landed far
from madding crowd
analogous pulling pin
out hand grenade
gluteus maximus burnt to crisp
necessitated immediate diversion
local drug store
purchased preparation H
discreetly patted, palmed, pacified
scorched cheeky bum
suffered first-degree burns
hemorrhoid cream balm
alleviated buttuck blasts fallout
quickly reunited with my gal
slightly concerned about whereabouts
related personal anecdote
tuckus thru remains of
otherwise humdrum hours
concluding asinine antics,
where approximately
half past monkey's ass
driving lass back home
found me exerting effort suppressing
recurring rumblies in domain tumbly.
Posterior script:
the above account
unsolicited plug for satisfied patron
asper jumpstarting behind the times
car rear ring buttuck blaster beastie boy.
aside from being worn
during mortal kombat firmly braced
full body armor suited up
with proctologists safely positioned
most definitely
entire body electric en cased
ready as ever to confront
another flatulence emitting *******
solidly debased
strategically situated,
when beginning examination
sterile sighted rectal
probe positioned nimbly,
kept intact, finessed
fixedly, exactly, deftly crosshairs
with trace excrement carefully erased
scrutinizing pulsating rectum sphincter muscle
observing anus function
a posteriori mesne faced
with quotidian regular onslaught
moving bowels graced
significant muscled tissued
sphincter requisitely
performing perfectly lining interlaced
without any unusually turgid,
significantly ragged, or quirkily
plugged orifice
preventing human waste,
thus if hazardous condition ensued necessitating
immediate surgery without haste
perhaps even ass sass mint
by a gastroenterologist
if patient suffers from
irritable bowel syndrome
where fore (Juliet) defecation sanitized
scrutinizing expulsion of human waste,
or if defecation thick as petrified paste
which warrants squeezing tight
begetting a hemorrhoid
as son young (gush) moon like cheeks
put thru severe weathering pace.
I’m dining with my cousin Giles
Who disclosed he’d terrible piles
He’s wriggly and twitchy
Cos his butt’s so itchy
His visage is sad, there’s no smiles
He’d tried using soft margarine
This process had just made him scream
So he did not linger
With his index finger
But Anusol worked like a dream
I said it was my understanding
That surgeon ‘s do hemorrhoid banding
But if he has it done
Sitting down he may shun
On this subject I won’t be expanding!
Next time I saw my Cousin Giles
They’d successfully removed his piles
So he can sit down
No trace of a frown
And Giles is chock full of smiles
10/09/21
February 29th, 2020
alternately titled: 207th leap year since 1582
the year Pope Gregory XIII world leader
(i.e. essentially paterfamilias among
Roman Catholic flock)
timely maneuvered around calendrical rock
and hard space implementing
viable system tracking years ad hoc
out of sync and lock
step by one day
with astronomical calendar,
slated more'n acceptable tick tock
off kilter around the year of 4818
after common era making mock
re: regarding mankind organizing and
witnessing global chockablock
Democratic celebratory anniversary party
millenniums after Republican dynastic deadlock
thoroughly walled imponderable gridlock
worse fate than quaffing hemlock
practically snuffing out lock, stock
and barrel constitutional birthrights
thirteen original American
founding fathers ghosts experiencing shock
how initial inalienable rights
activists sacrificing life and limb
united with linkedin armlock
said freedom fighters shackled
within crowded jail moldering cinderblock
cold upon hemorrhoid riddle buttock
diehard libertarians unified, pilloried, denounced
legion with repulsion as Shylock
purported, reputed, touted playwright
(William Shakespeare's sited anti semite
The Merchant Of Venice) doth mock
Judaism in vogue four hundred plus years ago,
smoldering think white supremacists i.e. skinheads
violently aiming to knock
non Caucasians upside the head
courtesy pistol whip,
and/or emptying gunstock
into human flesh disenfranchise scaring up
one after another racial and/or ethnic aftershock
aforementioned celebrated bard unwittingly
strictly opinion of me:silly poet -
despite hashtagged as laughingstock,
(plus vitriolic objection taken)
voiced by Shakespearean expert defenders,
yours truly reckons mine thought provoking
regarding storied, lauded, and feted Globe theater
literary King my interpretations not crock.
alternately titled: 207th leap year since 1582
the year Pope Gregory XIII world leader
(i.e. essentially paterfamilias among
Roman Catholic flock)
timely maneuvered around calendrical rock
and hard space implementing
viable system tracking years ad hoc
out of sync and lock
step by one day
with astronomical calendar,
slated more'n acceptable tick tock
off kilter around the year of 4818
after common era making mock
re: regarding mankind organizing and
witnessing global chockablock
Democratic celebratory anniversary party
millenniums after Republican dynastic deadlock
thoroughly walled imponderable gridlock
worse fate than quaffing hemlock
practically snuffing out lock, stock
and barrel constitutional birthrights
thirteen original American
founding fathers ghosts experiencing shock
how initial inalienable rights
activists sacrificing life and limb
united with linkedin armlock
said freedom fighters shackled
within crowded jail moldering cinderblock
cold upon hemorrhoid riddle buttock
diehard libertarians unified, pilloried, denounced
legion with repulsion as Shylock
purported, reputed, touted playwright
(William Shakespeare's sited anti semite
The Merchant Of Venice) doth mock
Judaism in vogue four hundred plus years ago,
smoldering think white supremacists i.e. skinheads
violently aiming to knock
non Caucasians upside the head
courtesy pistol whip,
and/or emptying gunstock
into human flesh disenfranchise scaring up
one after another racial and/or ethnic aftershock
aforementioned celebrated bard unwittingly
strictly opinion of me:silly poet -
despite hashtagged as laughingstock,
(plus vitriolic objection taken)
voiced by Shakespearean expert defenders,
yours truly reckons mine thought provoking
regarding storied, lauded, and feted Globe theater
literary King my interpretations not crock.