Long Hams Poems

"You really wanna know? Cause I'll tell ya if you really wanna know. You'll be thinkin' I'm crazy before I'm done, but I'll tell ya... ifn' you really wanna know."

The day started like any other,...

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I met with some bankers in fine textured suits.
I struck a deal quick. (I had such a knack.)
I offered rare cacti and tropical fruits – 
a cure-all for things that ail your back.

I served 'em...

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I, A. Robbie - Ham guilty for gobbledygook...
and ruffling turkey feathers!

An innocent A1 miss steak kin kith
once, a former main lion resident 
living social where Tigress and Euphrates 
converge and pool into Lake Wobegone ...

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The bones of winter cracked the ice black, coal black night.
A hoary wind spits frost crystals that dazzle and blur the sight.
Boney fingers of bare deciduous wood, scratch against the eaves
as the stranger's tread crackles...

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A.L.I.E.NS
(Advanced people Living In an Enigmatic world under a Nation with a Stentorian voice.)


Hear me, as I roar.
Hear me, as I walk on two than foe.
Hear me, as I pour this O.E all over the...

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Candy floss, seaside rock, smoothies, and flags sporting
Union Jacks
Replace the old traditions of striped deckchairs 
And Kiss-Me-Quick hats.
Chipwicks for our salt and vinegar fries
And their pole-and-line freshly caught local Cod;
The Vintners Parrot: For thick sizzling...

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Animal Chain Atrocities

No longer a bucolic photo op
bedecking a cover of Life magazine

Free grazing
pastoral images
now but bewildered enslavement

Animal commodities
factory farms and feedlots
CAFO habitats raising
sixty billion a year for dinner tables

Chickens

Hi-Tech slaughter
football fields long
alethic poor
four walled...

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Fun fact ...got a birth mark the size and color of a watermelon seed on the right lower cheek of my butt.
Hence my theme song she's got a freckle on her butt but she's purdy.Now...

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Delta Dirt
                                 ...

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For several years when our kids were little, every Thanksgiving Day, we all loaded up and headed for Aunt Fanny’s house.   New faces and lots of food were big attractions.  There was...

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I have to ask the question of old, how did the trolls move west?
How did they sneak across the ocean, and to the old Midwest?
How did the Trolls come our way, then into our basement...

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I ham quill tee for gobbledygook...
and ruffling tail feathers!

An innocent miss steak kin...
once former main lion den cha hoard servant,
resident iz cow herd vegetarian boar
hoof faux whatever reason iz explore

ring bing foo fighting beastie boy,...

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We live somewhat like dust specks,
Or like pollen.
My mother doesn’t know who my father is,
she says I merely came on the wind. Except that’s where we’ve stayed.
At night I wonder why other children get to...

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I ham guilty for  gobbledygook...
and ruffling turkey feathers!

An innocent miss steak kin...
once former main lion,
resident iz cow herd vegetarian boar

ring beastie boy, who doth
newt practice, what he preaches your
truly battens down chicken
coop hatches so......

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fter nine episodes 
Our new generation must know 
The whole thing started 
With President Carter
Who was in the Commander's chair 
And the computer dreamers were setting off Internet flairs.

Billed as a trip back to the...

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The Pilgrims were so happy to finally set foot on Plymouth Rock,
They decided that the time had come for each to take some stock.

They built themselves a Pilgrim town of houses and very little more,
Then...

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Lord, we are so grateful fer the gracious bounty of Yer Creation!
But there are some things You created that cause us some vexation.
We appreciate that You've given us ice cream, bagels 'n' strawberry shakes,
But was...

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Wolves were wandering all alone 
At home 
On a Sunday AM morning 
Goodies empty in their storing 
Feeling pretty dandy 
But there was this craving for candy 
Calling to deliver toffee 
Thinking it would be...

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Yesterday, I happened upon a quaint, old-time country store.
I felt I was reliving my youth as I trod its squeaky wooden floor!
The sights and smells were familiar when I entered the door.
Memories flooded my soul...

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My Dad was a very practical man, so adept at many things.
Why, he could fix my bike and replace a watch's springs!
Many times I stayed by his side as he worked late into the night.
I...

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There are so many memories of Hoosier farm life that I remember,
But one in particular I recall occured each cold and drear November.
Dad would proclaim, "The old boar has reached his maximum weight!"
That meant the...

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THE LANDING - corrected

The big jetliner banked sharply left,
descending out of a bad thunderstorm,
lined up on the runway, its six landing lights
like a big chandelier suddenly turned up by
an unseen hand, the passengers sweating and
shaking,...

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OKTOBERFEST

Wielding the power of the hefty beer stein,
Energized with viking-like biceps,

We lift the suds in veneration 
In front of our patriotic hearts.
Lively band plays Ein Prosit,
Lips coordinate, resounding louder and louder.

Parade of dirndls and lederhosen...

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THE LANDING

The big jetliner banked sharply left,
descending out of a bad thunderstorm,
lined up on the runway, its six landing lights
like a big chandelier suddenly turned up by
an unseen hand, the passengers sweating and
shaking, sure that...

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Grandmas are experts at baking cookies and other things,
For their grandkids and the delight to them it brings!
She reads and tells of family lore as they sit upon her lap.
When sleepy heads begin to nod,...

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