Long Funnypoetry Poems
Long Funnypoetry Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnypoetry by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnypoetry poems by poem length and keyword.
People say my poetry is mostly doom and gloom
But I’m a funny person and I’ll prove it to you soon
My wit and sharp ripostes are a constant delight
Let’s see if I can tell this story to prove I’m right.
I had three friends who loved booze
And the only time they didn’t imbibe
Was when they had passed out
Or were taking an alcoholic snooze
Each died doing what they loved
Drinking, sipping and guzzling
Johnny was a straight-forward drunk
Mary took refined and dainty lady-like slips
And Tommy was an out-and-out guzzler
Here are their stories, one by one
Pull up a chair and sit, let’s get to it.
Dear Mary! So refined and dainty
So lady-like in her behavior and thinking
Especially when she was drinking
She’d take a lady-like sip and gently wipe away
Any liquor residue on her lips without delay
She’d raise her very favorite carafe
To refill her dainty gold-etched antique glass
Mary’s elbow-bending was poetry in motion
Her pinky extended her glass up-ended
At an angle she felt was fashionable
For admiring gentlemen who’d not feel offended
When she drank them under the table
Her company (tres chic) an inspiration
But, Quelle domage! One evening Mary took a sip
And it went down to where it shouldn’t
She couldn’t speak so couldn’t call for help
Her swift departure was the tragic result
I wondered what dear Mary was thinking
At the end, I surmise it might have been this:
“I didn’t take an unrefined nip
Nor an undainty unlady-like sip
How inconvenient this is, such a bother
Dear me. Oh, Pooh. Oh Pish!”
A couple of weeks went by
Before dear Mary was found
When the policeman opened her door
His eyes rolled backwards as he fell over
While the landlord ran for cover
Mary’s very favorite carafe
And her dainty gold-etched antique glass
Sat on her cherished Victorian table
But the mess in the rest of the room was incredible
Mary here, Mary there, Mary, Mary everywhere
Spreading across the parquet floor with unhurried flair
Like a forgotten and unchecked plumbing drip
But at a refined and dainty very lady-like clip.
EPILOGUE:
Never inhale while upending your glass
But if you should happen to do so
Whether sipping or dripping
Be sure and do it with class.
Look Out, HG—You’re Tagged!
HGarvey Daniel Esquire, you began the end rhyme.
I know your form of poetry will catch on in time.
You are so creative; I enjoy reading your writes.
They’re full of sweet emotion; the words used are just right.
“The Respected Poetess” and poetry “Hodgepodge.”
Mental images created out do a mirage.
Your poetic colleague, I am delighted to be.
Consequently, I’ve decided to send this poem to thee!
Although you may be busy with poems and broken hearts,
It’s time to take a break and play; this is where fun starts.
There’s a new game floating around Poetry Soup.
So, read a little further and I’ll give you the scoop.
I hold a hot potato; I’m passing it to you.
You have twenty-four hours; pass it to someone new.
Tag HG you’re it.
Finally Famous
After all the years
After all the beers
After all the tears
I finally am famous
Two of my poems
Have been chosen to be published
The Poetry Selection Committee determined
My writing was not rubbish
They were checked for grammatical goof
Then I cheerfully approved
“The Artist's Proof”
Maybe I should publish a book
Poems about Death, Depression
The Afterlife
How the Priest told me to find a wife
I should write how poetry helped me
Battle Mental Strife
Now all I have to do is mail the check
I wonder if I will become as famous as Shrek
Yes...I am famous...In my own mind
My Internet Publisher has been more than kind
Their poetic approval has fed my ego
My Poems, My Friends, My Amigos
Joseph Adam Elward
She had a reputation for being sexually easy.
All the same, she was a sight to treasure.
As she disrobed she said, "I don't do this with just anybody.
Are you really all from the Department of Weights and Measures?
Before any of you get anything from me
I'll need all of you to show me
Your Department of Weights and Measures Employee Picture ID."
The cival servants lined up in an assembly
and each displayed to her rather anxiously
their Department of Weights and Measures Employee Picture ID.
What happened next I can't post on Poetry Soup.
It's Triple X-rated, and that I'll spare you,
because that would be in violation of Poetry Soup's guidelines and rules.