Long Funnylove Poems
Long Funnylove Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnylove by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnylove poems by poem length and keyword.
I mean was Darwin thinking when he wrote this theory
When I studied Psychology and read this I said O’ dear me
Only the strong shall survive was his point
I think on this subject his jaw was out of joint
Observing two similar birds with different beaks
Saying that’s evolution is evident as I speak
Well here I go again, a myth buster at his best
To show this dude Darwin didn’t put the theory to the test.
I have one example that blows holes in it
Even Darwin will raise his hands and say “Sid you got me beat”
Hear we go:
Once again :-)
Have you ever seen a female dog when she’s on heat
To the male dogs this is a treat
They line up be hind her according to strength
As they patiently wait to make love to this wench
But then a strange thing happens the strongest mut
Is faced with a challenge which is a make or bust
And while they size each other and start to brawl
The others run away leaving one that is scrawny and small
The small one approaches her and doesn’t even have the audacity to give her a sniff
He just climbs up and gives her the stiff
And after his finished and has done the deed
You expecting a through breed, the end product is a mongrel cross breed
So when you meet a skinny man with coke bottle glasses and a comb over
Just think “no such thing as natural selection and the best is scrawny Rover”
This is the best that you’ll ever get
And the love will be the best I bet
And as I tuck myself in and before I switch off the light
All I have to say ladies and gentleman is good night
'Tis said that God loves all His creatures great and small.
Here are just a few of them - I can't begin to name them all!
He loves us one and all the whole world wide from A to Z!
His steadfast love is extended to all including a sinner like me!
God loves atheists, alcoholics, bootleggers, bums and Baptists -
Bailiffs, Catholics, conservatives, coopers and capitalists -
Doctors, dentists, democrats, extortionists and Eskimos -
Farmers, fishermen, golfers, generals and hypochondros!
He loves harlots, hypocrites, infidels, judges and jackasses -
Kings, kooks, lawyers, Lutherans, liberals and lasses -
Marines, Methodists, nerds, nurses, oracles and optometrists -
Presbyterians, politicians, poets, pilots and proctologists!
God loves Quakers, quacks, riveters, radicals and ragmen -
Republicans, rednecks, ranchers, reporters and raftsmen -
Sailors, Santa, scholars, scientists, sinners and scouts -
Thieves, tithers, teachers, taxmen, tradesmen and touts!
He loves unbelievers, veterans, villains and ventriloquists -
Widows, xenophobes, Yankees, yuppies and zoologists!
With so many folks to cherish, oft I wonder how it could be,
That He takes the time to love poor insignificant me!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Snow White’s vain and wicked stepmother
And her weakling of a father
Forced her with seven dwarfs to live
Whom all her love and attention she’d give
She’d love to get the jewels they’d bring
And wore them round her neck on the string
But when the prince kissed her and woke
She agreed to ride away with the bloke
But soon she started terribly to miss
The seven dwarfs who were such bliss
She remembered the days she would lie around
While the dwarfs would clean up without a sound
She longed for the love of seven men
Who’d keep her well fed in their den
So back she came with a lot of joy
With a promise to soon return for her baby boy
Inspiried by the fairy tale-Snow White and the seven Dwarfs.
I love to dance,
But her feet still hurt,
I guess I kind of keep stepping on her shoes.
I love to gamble,
But I am no good at it,
Sometimes I win, but always I loose.
I love to golf,
But I am a real hacker,
My scores would be worse if I counted all of my strokes.
I love to laugh,
But I cannot remember,
Punch lines when I repeat most of the jokes.
I love to sing,
But I can’t carry a tune,
My wife leaves the bathroom when I’m taking a shower.
I love to read,
But I fall asleep,
If I sit down with a book for more than an hour.
I love to drive,
But I always get lost,
Turning around is something that I will not do.
I love watching movies,
But hate interruptions,
So please don’t talk to me until it is through.
I love the water,
But I always sink,
I guess I never really learned how to swim.
I love being fit,
But too often I’m lazy,
I never can seem to find time for the gym.
I love to talk,
But my vocabulary is limited,
Big words and synonyms I often forget.
I love lots of things,
But there’s always some reason,
Why I haven’t found the one thing I’m real good at yet.
This is a true story, I was told, when I was six years old,
Mama’s words were always colourful and bold.
However, for you I will water down, the sexual scenes and vulgarity,
This may make the truth seem far from reality.
Mama said it took place on the edge of an African jungle, near the sea,
She witnessed two lovers making love under an amarula tree.
This was no ordinary pair,
That why she stood there with an awe of a stare.
One could not fathom how these two could be in love,
But as you know it, what’s joint together could be ordained from above.
A great big female elephant with her spouse,
A fluffy grey and white mouse.
While making love, doing their biz,
A monkey stared curiously and started to quiz.
“This Love affair should have not lasted this long.”
“An elephant and a mouse, making love is wrong.”
So the monkey threw coconuts causing the elephant wail in pain”
The mouse smiles and says, “I have the tendency to drive girls insane”.
Well the moral of the story my mama says is not hid.
It is that for every pot there is a lid.
So for thirty years I’ve had a pot as a wife,
She don’t give me trouble, or strife
People tend to gossip and stare
Which has ruined somewhat my social life.
You may think I’m Mad or Insane, you may be right.
Read the others and have a good night.
I saw a gorgeous girl today
and I have to make her see,
that when she knows me better
she will fall in love with me.
So plucking up my courage
I asked her for a date,
amazingly she said yes
and I knew it must be fate.
We arranged to meet at a restaurant
round about half past eight,
I watched her go inside
so I knew I wasn't late.
I sat down at the table
and said, "I love you dear,"
then heard a voice behind me
saying, "hey, I'm over here."
So I hurried to her table
I was feeling such a fool,
she just sat there calmly
and was looking very cool.
She said "I must tell you a secret
try to understand if you can,
I never meant to deceive you
but really I'm a man."
I’d love to be a model
Tall and thin like Jerry Hall
But I like fish and chips too much
And I’m only five feet tall
I’d love to be a dancer
With poise, and style, and grace
But I was born with two left feet
And would end up flat on my face
I’d love to be a climber
Scaling mountains in one single bound
But I get dizzy in high heels
So I’d best keep my feet on the ground
I’d love to be an athlete
With medals of gold on my chest
But it takes all my breath, to run a bath
So relaxing at home is best
I’d love to be a painter
And have works of art hanged in great halls,
But the only paint that I can use
Is emulsion you slop onto walls
I’d love to be an actress
Starring on the silver screen
But with my memory, I’d forget the script
“What was I saying?” – see what I mean
I’d love to be an explorer
Through untamed jungles I’d caper
But I love the luxuries of life
Like hot baths, and toilet paper!
I’d love to be a poet
And write my own anthology
But that’s just another pipe dream
So I’ll have to be, just me.