Long Angstgod Poems
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Do we not euthanize our terminally ill
because it is not ethical?..
..or do we not do it because of something MORE unethical still?
It costs more to keep a terminally ill patient alive.
It costs much less to euthanize.
The longer you keep alive the terminally ill
the more the medical community can charge on the bill.
Perhaps paranoia is paying a visit with me,
but I smell an ulterior motive in the medical community.
My friend dying from cancer was in chronic pain.
I begged the doctors to give him more morphine.
They refused saying that an increase would probably kill him.
"So what!" I screamed, "Haven't you noticed? He's Dying!
He's going to die any God damned way!
He doesn't have to die this God damned way!
Have some God damned mercy You God damned quacks!
He's in constant pain and he shouldn't have to die like that!"
I screamed the above however within me silently.
It was out of my hands short of the "killer" being me,
but Chris, if I could only do it all over again
I would have put an end to all of your suffering
even at the risk of going to prison.
It would be a small price to pay for my little brother friend.
I was confused at the time and wasn't clearly thinking
so I just played it safe and did absolutely nothing
other than stay with you until the final end
through 18 long hours of constant suffering.
It may sound horrible, but I found such joy and relief
when in death I finally saw you truly at peace.
Imagine your tooth being drilled without any Novocain.
Imagine that going on forever with no relief from this pain.
That's the kind of suffering I witnessed my friend sustain
and ever since then I haven't been the same.
Think of me what you will, but I love and support Dr Kevorkian.
This Is In Honor Of Him. A Very, Very Great Man.
Jesus, no doubt, is my hero and friend,
Till the end.
Was he perfect? Don’t know? But if So?
When he told the Pharisees that they were of their father the devil?
Was he sinning? Was he hating? Such that others could mock and revel?
In their own superiority? And his motives inferior?
My God, I feel wearier, every day,
That I feel the weight of the maternal scolds, and belittling things that folks say.
“Get a job!” “Get off the street?!”
“You’re just a burden as you sit there and beg at my feet!”
“You’re not a victim, so leave the past in the past!”
“That’s not nice, my little child, you’d better straighten up fast!”
Jesus, no doubt, is my hero and friend.
Till the end.
Was he perfect? Don’t know? But even if not?
I strive to be like him, and love him a lot.
And just as my Savior, got angry, I too,
Feel the fury of bias and the rage of pointed fingers.
Like singers, singing a song of condescension,
It reminds me of days that I am censured to mention,
When my dad was denied his pension,
Because of the tension,
Of his skin tone and refusal,
To be sheepish and bamboozled,
Am I Jesus, or even much like him?
Not really, I must admit?
But still he’s my Savior, even when I throw a fit.
And thank God he sees me truly,
Even when others scoff and chide.
And thank God he gives me courage,
For I refuse to run and hide.
For those like me, who started from the beginning at the bottom,
Our culture tends to view us as oh just a wee bit rotten,
And at the slightest hint of fury, seek to hunt us like Ben Laden.
So when I lose it? Yes I choose it?
This consequential crucifixion,
For I although others tend to want me silenced, prostrate in submission,
I have a savior, King, and best friend too, who never fails to listen.
I am deadweight
I am the anchor harboring the ship that holds the American Dream
I am the answer to a question a lot simplier than the one that so many that have no homes,
no heat, no food to eat, are asking
I am too little too late
I am the reason that child is still in the home where he is left alone, ignored
I am the cross that the desparate and rich alike must carry.
Yet
I am the paycheck for the 60 percent that work to support the 40
I am the bridge card ensuring our children are never thin enough to slip through the cracks
I am better than nothing
Poet's note:
More of this exists in my mind. While I walked to the Department of Human Services building
this morning, but now that I am in front of a computer the bitter flavor of the feelings and
thoughts are lost. Also I am listening to Eclipse and very distracted! As always when I write
on-line I am at the Jackson District Library. Sorry for all the details in this note and not
enough in this poem. Don't comment and I will either delete or edit this on another day!
Again sorry!
Thank you, Christie for commenting despite my statment yesterday! God has got me and he
carries me through. I love reading your comments and more importantly your poetry. This is
a safe place to share not only the bright shining examples of the poetry God whispers in my
air/ear, but also the negativity that sometimes drags me down.
Thank YOU all! This is a poetic community that sees and hears and heals the good and the
bad. Yes, you can heal the good because even positive expressions can have wounds or
flaws. God loves us all anyway. Okay, this so got away from me! Very revealing, umm, too
reavealing! No more poet's notes for me! I just don't know when to quit!
Form:
MY LORD, IS THAT A RECLINER?
I keep getting phone calls that have all been ignored
And the calls are collect which I cannot afford
Someone keeps calling to tell me once again that He’s bored
So how about some psychos causing some discord in the name of our Lord
He knows precisely what we use and that which we waste
He understands all the horror filled situations I have ever faced
But I stopped rebelling when the tiger inside me no longer roared
So surely there’s a psycho to damage something because the Lord is bothered and bored
He used to look down and see blood spilled when brother fought brother
And both of them saw the stare of death in the eyes of their mother
When blue fought grey God sat back in His easy chair
But He refused to settle their differences because that wouldn’t be fair
Then the slanted people eyes took prisoners in a land that was their birthright
I’m telling you man, the Lord kept in sight that source of delight
Ain’t nothing funnier to God than a forty-five fighting a knife
Because he gave them all the weapons to end another’s life
When oil became an issue and a burning Bush spoke to reporters
They flanked him in wide eyed wonder and wondered about his sons and daughters
But he didn’t give a s**t about the bomb laden planes spitting fire and soared
And next time I’m giving Him your number so God can complain to you that He’s bored
©2011.………….poefree
NURSES DO IT WITH PATIENTS (for Nurse Blondie the believer)
Kneel
Kneel to the Lord thy God
There is strength in his presence
Comfort comes of communion
Bow
Bow before the creator of all we see
Each petal of a rose and every old oak tree
For with thy belief there shall be no misery
For thee
Remember the sun is His gift
As is the moon under which we all drift
Grant grace to the God of it all
And he’ll be there should you ever fall
He will pick you up and right you with gentle arms
And bless you
Make Jesus your present tense
And suddenly it all makes sense
When you think he’s deserted you in prayer
That’s when He comes near
Closer to your heart and soul
Majesty making you feel ten feet tall
Kneel
Kneel to the creator of it all
Grant Him the righteousness he deserves
Kneel
Kneel before thy God each believer serves
© 2011.….~free cee!~
I also have poems entitled “if this doesn’t get me into hell nothing witll Number, whatever
number it is up to 26. Two years ago, once a week, I was letting a Jehovah’s witness in
my room for 90 minutes…..this went on about three months until he got to the part that the
earth is 6,000 years old, that means the geniuses all around the world agree with carbon
dating, but the people who get all dressed in their Sunday best and knock at your door
right before dinner….THEY’RE RIGHT! So long Brother Willie!
SOMETIMES SWANS SWIM AWAY TOO SOON
What will happen if I feel this way every single day?
What will happen if I never forget when she went away?
The sun rises and so do I, unsure if I can do all the things I must
Because a lady turned my hopes into ashes and dreams into dust
It’s always about the same time when I watch the moon finally die
And only after a few hours do I begin to cry
I cry for my loss, I weep for my anger and I wail for my pitiful pain
Yet I feel only loneliness while I should harbor such disdain
But then I ruminate on how selfish of me it would be
How cruel to cage a swan when she yearns to swim so free
Free every day to discover a new pond, stream or lake
Oh, but what is also unfair is the feeling when I awake
It’s all the recollections of such a very short while
Which now makes me frown when once she made me smile
It’s a hurt so deep a canyon cannot compete
But I suppose even for a short while I should be glad we came to meet
So no matter what I’d like to know what God has to say
And let him explain if I’ll feel like this every day
Because if there is a God I’d like to know and hear His excuse
And now I’m crying every evening since He set my swan a loose
©2011.....Phreepoetree
Was driving today,
Asking God Please
No traffic be.
Looked down at,
Oops! gas tanks out,
Please don't stop NOW.
Freaking Out now.
O My God!
Why didn't I refuel the car fast?
Scared to run out,
My car nags,
Driving in with anxiety,
Asking God,
Please get me there,
Before I loose my mind,
Telling me to me,
To trust in God
At all times.
My mind wonders off,
Darn it is too sunny,
Out in Cali,
Headache so strong,
Been 3 days long,
Please leave me off.
Back on track out me on,
Myself talking to me now,
Am not crazy,
When I think out loud.
Back on Praying to God
One more time
Got to school fine,
Gas tank zero,
Car asked me to fuel ASAP,
My brain reads not,
On time to class don't know how?
Teacher was there not,
Why did I rush?
When I could take my time?
Classmates complain,
Why teacher is late?
No one knows.
The debate is on,
"Swine flu",
This class called Project Concept,
Why are we talking out of subject?
Teacher is curious who got one.
Here it goes discussing this,
Get everyone so hyped,
Butterflies in my stomach,
Scared to die,
Scared to touch anything,
At any time,
I trust in God
Only God can change,
In my life.
4/30/09
GOD CRAM IT
Isn’t it ironic that every time you think God has let up on you for a while
He steals your most cherished item or lover along with a rented smile
At exactly the point you know that hope is a thing of the past for you
God sneaks up and grants something too good to be true
And see, that’s my point, it seems so good that it can’t be real
And only forty-seven angels in Heaven know the way I feel
But based on past experience and what I’ve been through
A heaven’s blessing can be the only explanation why its me and you
But as love doubled, tripled and exponentially increased
God kicks me in the ass and says “sorry, that lover was just leased”
He adds a remark like “and I won’t let her, by you, even be rented
S**t,, talk about all the stuph God has done that I have resented
So ironic as it seems this is all the God given truth, I know
And I can tell you in exquisite detail just where He can go
You are the loveliest lady to jump in and out of my life of late
And if there is a god he’s a god-damned god of hate
© 2011.….Phreepoetry ~free cee!~
And what do you mean by your time is almost over?
GOD CRAM IT
Isn’t it ironic that every time you think God has let up on you for a while
He steals your most cherished item or lover along with a rented smile
At exactly the point you know that hope is a thing of the past for you
God sneaks up and grants something too good to be true
And see, that’s my point, it seems so good that it can’t be real
And only forty-seven angels in Heaven know the way I feel
But based on past experience and what I’ve been through
Ain’t nothing new about him blessing me with you
But as love doubled, tripled and exponentially increased
God kicks me in the ass and says “sorry, that lover was just leased”
He adds a remark like “and I won’t let her, by you, ever again to be rented
S**t, talk about all the stuph God has done that I have resented
So ironic as it seems this is all the God given truth, I know
And I can tell you in exquisite detail just where your Lord and you can go
You are just the latest lady to jump in and out of my life of late
And I understand, your God told me that when I purchase you there ins’t any rebate
© 2010.….Poefree
Modern Slavery, 2011
V. Ortiz Vazquez
Ivory black covered in crimson blood
Rhythm of fears hides his God like stand
Scared by his image, he castrates the family violating the house jewel
Jewels
Dreams of home a man’s song
Lyrics of hope cascades with every opportunity
Betrayed by those of his suit
Eyes shut, eyes open
Glimpse of a new life
Or so was the hope
Shackles gone or so it seems
Weight lifted or so it feels
Dragging
Caught in the web
Familiar, chameleon the perpetrator
Multicolor no longer neutral, white
Greed’s trap, your dreams
Twenty first century, invisible yet here
Weighted by my afro hair, big lips, brown skin, accent, womanhood
No lyrics of hope
Silently I write
Few safe ears listen, no questions
Wealth not within my reach
Distance, hazy, foggy “anhelos”
To break through
Struck down not once but twice by your greed
Or, my greed?!
Label me a woman, Latina, Spanish speaker, lesbian, sinner, working class
Shackled by your God like demeanor
Puppeteer is you
Puppet is I and those alike
Wearing the mark
Working class
Living for “migajas”