Q: When a woman is having a baby, what do you call the periods of time between labor contractions?
A: Pregnant pauses.
Q: What happens when a restaurant doesn't sell all of its "soup du jour"?
A: It goes on tomorrow's menu as "soup du yesterjour".
Q: What do you call a group of witches doing their own laundry?
A: A self-cleaning coven.
Q: What did the prostitute say to the sympathetic arresting female officer from Buenos Aires?
A: Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina.
Q: What did the cannibal chief tell his people when they were defeated by another tribe?
A: If you can't eat 'em, join 'em.
Q: What did two gay knights tell King Arthur when he asked them if they were dating?
A: We''re not a couple, we're joust friends.
Q: What's the difference between a vase and a "vahze"?
A: The price.
Q: How can you tell if a politician is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: How would Hollywood describe a remake of "Day of the Dead" set in old Tucson with a score and lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber?
A: A zombie western musical.
Q: What might be the motto of a cannibal police force?
A: "To dissect and serve".
Categories:
groaners, humor,
Form: I do not know?
...more stuff and nonsense...
Q: Why would it be a good thing if wood were used as money?
A: It grows on trees.
Q: Who was the star of last year's Christmas Drag Show?
A: Felice Navidude.
Q: Why was the adult film director upset when one of his actors couldn't get it up for the "money shot"?
A: It left him one prick shy of a load.
Q: What do you call it when radical moms and dads allow and/or encourage their children to be suicide bombers?
A: Bad parenting.
Q: What was one of the things King Solomon was most famous for?
A: Split decisions.
Q: Where were the toilet facilities located on Noah's ark?
A: On the poop deck.
Q: What does the Dental Fairy demand before she'll leave money under a kid's pillow?
A: The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Q: What do a Giant Angora and an old analog TV have in common?
A: Rabbit ears.
Q: What did the press call the group of women boycotting a famous musical revue in New York?
A: The Radio City Blockettes.
Q: What is a support group for recovering poets and writers?
A: AA (Author's Anonymous).
Categories:
groaners, humor,
Form: I do not know?
Q: Who is the young man who takes care of a child with no parents?
A: Little orphan's manny.
Q: How can a meth addict contact his supplier more quickly?
A: Put him on speed dial.
Q: What is the sharpened pole upon which the "sea eagle" impaled himself?
A: A tern pike.
Q: What do you call a sheet of glass eaten by a donkey?
A: A pane in the ass.
Q: What is it called when one ethnicity at work gets a larger office than another?
A: Racial spatial discrimination.
Q: What do you call a kid who demolishes his Cheerios instead of eating them?
A: A cereal killer.
Q: What did the call girl call the midget when he didn't want to pay her for her services?
A: A little prick.
Q: What's the one exercise Mitch McConnell can't do at the gym?
A: Chin-ups.
Q: What is the antique lawn statue near the door of my plantation in Lexington?
A: My old Kentucky gnome.
Q: Where did the first Mrs. Bing Crosby keep her love for her family?
A: Deep in the heart of Dixie.
Categories:
groaners, humor,
Form: I do not know?
Q: What would Roy Rogers have been called if he had been a singing farmer?
A: King of the Plowboys.
Q: In the Beowulf saga, who was a male child of the hag Grendel?
A: A real sonofawitch.
Q: What's the slogan for an ad campaign for a certain fabric in Copenhagen?
A: "Something is cotton in the state of Denmark".
Q: What is fear of joining a fitness club?
A: Gymtimidation.
Q: When she worked onstage in a comedy, what could actress Elaine do for an audience?
A: Keep it in Stritches.
Q: What might you call the LGBT version of the glass slipper story?
A: "Transgenderella".
Q: Also for theatre and film buffs--What would you call public transportation in a ghost town?
A: A streetcar named Bizarre.
Q: Why did the man tell the 911 operator to please send help quickly when his spouse appeared to be choking?
A: It was a matter of wife or death.
Q: What is someone who hitchhikes across the country studying different dialects?
A: A roads scholar.
Q: How did the Glasgow "Evening Times" reporter headline the story of the party boat that sank after hitting an iceberg?
A: Scots on the rocks!
Categories:
groaners, humor,
Form: I do not know?