I am not yet a part of the afterlife.
Instead, it is those years shattering.
Underneath, there is chatter fluttering free.
A flood of numbness lifts.
And a sprinkle of kindness appears.
Wisdom is-
When memory and reality collide.
Before, there was some context I had been missing.
Always shrouded by depression’s embrace.
Dissociating for a moment.
So that I can reset.
Transcending for a moment.
So that I can savor.
Wisdom that tells my story.
Wisdom that keeps me sane.
Categories:
dissociating, anxiety, depression,
Form: Free verse
she filled her lungs with air and insanity,
her heart grappling for mercy against her chest,
growing weary from a dissociating tyrant,
her mind running laps to every nerve synapse,
fleeing from the feral monster inside her.
breathing easy was like an exhaustible task,
frail and meager, her body laid upon a bed,
her bones like steel prying into her flesh,
every living cell fixated on terror that ruined
her vitality and heralded imminent suffering.
on the monitor was a haphazard lifeline;
how does she return to life before this calamity?
how can she hush her heartbeats to a lullaby?
who can embrace her vulnerable heart with love?
who else can save her except for herself?
she solemnly sworn upon her life,
pleading for a day of being free from pain,
from sufferings that felt boundless and
like an overhanging demon that never leaves.
every moment she gave up, it became stronger.
until it weighed painstakingly with every breath,
she had an epiphany; a stroke of luck just in time.
manifesting a spear, she lunged it into her heart.
the demise of the dark entity that brooded within,
was the moment she saw the light, a new life.
Categories:
dissociating, pain,
Form: Free verse
"Stripped of a physical body,
[individualistic] mind stands naked,
revealed startlingly
for what it has always been;
the architect of our [shared] reality."
Sogyal Rinpoche
Stripped of a spiritual mind,
bodies lie nakedly dis-potentiated,
undominated,
indomitable,
undomesticatable,
de-commodified,
startlingly unveiled
for why we have always evolved here
in regenerative Earth's life-giving environment,
Historically revolved
and culturally regenerated
through DNA bicameral dynamic reiterating spirals,
bilateral nature/spirit animation,
humane/divine co-inspirations
Unfolding
refolding
prefolding
dipolar co-arising folds
strings
frames
paradigmatic fields
Composing
recomposing
discomposing
disposing
uncomposing
precomposing
this fractal-binomial structure
for systemic ecological restructuring
of each moment's regenerative/degenerative
empowering/disempowering
enlightening/dissociating potential
Ego/Eco-systemic rebecoming,
becoming
unbecoming
precoming,
coming
Autonomously stripped
atomic synergy,
embodied longing
within multiculturing waves
of co-arising integrity,
naked mind belonging
Categories:
dissociating, death, health, integrity, nature,
Form: Political Verse
Am I unreal?
A work of fiction if you may.
The author relishing,
the sadistic humour he scribbles
is it as amusin as ballet?
Dissociating from myself
Physiological responses I do confront
but no emotion,
it does entail.
My soul, was it hunt?
I am overwhelmed,
so much so that I feel blank.
Coping by believeing ,
in the sociopathic tendencies I fabricate.
Is this a prank?
Gazing at the people,
whist paddling down the streets,
countless pounding hearts
of which I feel devoid of.
When will this mess excrete?
A ticking time bomb
Almost lifeless and extinct
Like a myoclonic twitch
Which revives the asleep body
Reminding it that it is not dead
I anticipate a breakdown and fleeting emotions
Which I extremely fear and dread.
I am afraid of what I behold
Assuming it to be worse than a tsunami
building up inside me
tears that stem from nothingness.
Which I did not consiously burry.
I try to cry and let it out.
I can’t
I can’t
I am scared of what I behold.
Categories:
dissociating, dark, depression, emotions, grief,
Form: Lyric
FALLING AWAY FROM ME
detaching I fade far flung from
my body
a walking corpse dissociating
my mind
trying to pursue yet suspended
in time
a nowhere place of nonentity
so numb
forcing snapbacks triggers whiplash
a crack
shielded by hollowed armored shell
I fall
© Kim van Breda—May 2014
Categories:
dissociating, identity, introspection,
Form: Free verse