I have become unattached.
My thoughts were displaced and torched with a match.
Ashes become fairy dust.
And that old truth became woven with rust.
In depression, I could still function.
But I was unable to cherish even a moment with the blessed sun.
When mania allowed me to dissociate.
I could feel reality turning faint.
I hope this freedom from guilt will never undo.
A life so far wasted from never questioning my view.
But by the time I became trapped in my haven-
All I could do is call out like a raven.
Everything that escapes will find a new herd.
And disinhibition has caused me to act absurd.
This mania I shall always remember.
Even as it is hacked away like timber.
But some happiness is not worth chasing, always.
And certain types of pain remind me of my younger days.
Yes, there are some months I do forget.
But these new aspirations, I do not regret.
Serenity
Nonchalant was not in inscribed in their Universe
A rendezvous lived coming round full karmic circles
Precarious only to uninitiated tantric disinhibition
They taste sacred ecstasy and follow the script
Acquiesce moons stars comets milky sunny ways
Kindness love caressing compassion’s subtle finesse
Secure in sensual expression unique to their bond
Gallivanting to each other’s lips and to heaven below
07th May 2018
Reflections on a photograph of Audrey Hepburn
I know those eyes, that haunt my dreams and
Fan my fevered imagination; they are windows
Into the soul, messengers of my fate.
To look within is to face oneself, and all one's
fears and hopes, reflected in their laughing
Twinkle, lit by their shine of understanding
And compassion. Those eyes; the ghosts
Of things past, that linger yet.
Who has not looked into these eyes? Who?
Whose soul has not questioned itself
Seeing into that of another; that once danced
In time, but now moves to another tune,
Dissonant? Who has not hoped, beyond hope,
That time will stand still, that the hour will
Not come and the abyss open to eternal
Despair?
And, the arabesques of those eyes lure us
To damnation, to the foolishness of hope and
Denial of what lies before us. But, in time,
The cold chill of silence speaks its truth
And hope dies and we find peace.
Yet, still, in moments of doubt and disinhibition,
Those eyes draw us in and resolve
Weakens and faint hope is fuelled to fire.
EtOH
EtOH, like dancing fingers in a Chopin etude,
Plays the tune of disinhibition on my frontal lobes.
Empty receptors laugh and smile as they are
Tickled and tantalised by alcohol’s exciting touch.
The world brightens and I blossom as some
Sweet scented lily that has but one night
To lure the unwary into Nature’s dance.
But all too soon, enough becomes too much,
And clouds gather at the edges of my mind;
Sparkling dreams give way to sober thoughts,
Darkness sends its scouts into my happy estate.
The deceptive friend slips off his mantle of
Freedom, revealing the jailer of my thoughts,
My scourge, bringer of doubts and misery.
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