For Mo and Jeff
two birds on a wire
one pooped more than the other ~
droppings on the ground
Categories:
crappiest, bird,
Form: Haiku
How much is this duvet? Elise asked.
I found a tag that said two hundred and seventeen dollars and ninety-five cents.
Not bad, she said.
Is she nuts?
Another tag was attached to that tag. It said $895.95.
What is that for? She asked me. “The rest of the duvet?”
This is a really upscale store. Not sure why we working girls are in it.
Maybe because three of us “girls” are retired?
I began to point out the crappiest stuff.
Saying nice things like “I wouldn’t pay nineteen cents for that in a thrift store.”
Guess how much this ugly thing is? Elise asked me. We were howling now.
Sales help was following us around “offering to help us.” Ha!
The chair I liked the best was seventeen hundred on sale from twenty-four hundred.
Is that dollars or cents? I asked the sales lady. She tried to smile but couldn’t.
Rita was rubbing a chair’s material. There was a price tag on it and another on the seat.
What do you think the $200 price tag is for? She asked.
“That’s what it costs to rub the material,” I told her. “Cough up.”
Our friend Susan was keeping out of our way, pretending she did not know us.
Categories:
crappiest, friendship,
Form: Narrative
Owner gone, water bowl has spilled, and my anger is about to burst.
I won't die, I thought to myself in the morning, not concerned at first.
I accidentally slipped in that water, and my fur is thick and feels icky.
I am wet and mad and mean and disappointed and feeling sticky.
But licking water off my pretty fur is not going to satisfy me very long.
Dog offered to share her water bowl, but drinking after dogs is wrong!
So here I sit, in the crappiest of moods, expecting the worst actually.
I know Owner usually comes home but this is what I see, so factually.
Dog is lazy beast, passing gas so badly it makes this puss want to gag.
I decide to stuff something in his mouth, maybe a mildewing dish rag.
Hey! The sink’s faucet is dripping. I can hear it. Drip. Drip. Drip.
I’m not supposed to be on the counter, but this is a necessary trip.
I have to stretch my elongated pink tongue to get a little taste of H2O.
What else can a dying cat do? I stretch and get water on my nose.
My tongue snakes out mightily. I get a little taste, ah, refreshing drink.
A voice comes into my ears quickly. ”What are you doing in my SINK?”
Categories:
crappiest, 1st grade, 2nd grade,
Form: Rhyme
It's the most terrible time of the year
With back benchers rebelling
The cabinet yelling cause Brexit is here
It's the most terrible time of the year
It's the crap-crappiest season of all
With those new trade deal meetings and racist gay beatings
and the pound starts to fall
It's the crap-crappiest season of all
There'll be Farage there gloating
As Trump starts gun toting
And immigrants out in the snow
There'll be biased news stories
Masterminded by Tories of the
strength of England long ago
It's a most threatening time full of fear
With half of Syria burning
It is getting concerning
That war could be near
It's the most threatening time filled with fear
There'll be governments falling
And Putin there calling
For marshal law out in the east
There'll be lots of land grabbing
And mucho back stabbing as
Liberalism lies there deceased
It's the most miserable time of the year
As the death toll starts growing
And cities are glowing
And apocalypse near
It's the most terrible time
Yes the most horrible time
Oh the most frightening time
Of the year....
Categories:
crappiest, america, political,
Form: Verse
Johnson’s past…
The horse had kicked me in the head
Pain and darkness followed me
Double vision, brain near dead
Shock and trauma mentally
So I drifted in the fog
Couldn’t learn had no idea
Did the crappiest of job
15 to 30 that was me
Car trauma in 75
head on accident for me
Broke some bones, still alive
Brain was working, am I free?
Jenny of Bulimba the great psychic,
Truly, told me of my short history,
Of when I died and lived and tried,
Of fog n misery.
Seems another took my place
When dead I seemed to be,
A sharper mind, a lovely mate, (Christine came)
It was my destiny?
Don Johnson 29-june-11
Categories:
crappiest, adventureme, me,
Form: Rhyme