Carlsberg Poems | Examples


If I Wrote a Carlsberg Advert

Bill: They call me Bill.

Me: Then call you Bill I will
but I will not I will Bill
and I will not I will not I will Bill, Bill.

Bill: Don't call me.

Me: I will not.

Bill: No, don't call me.

Me: Okay I will. 

Bill: So you will not call me?

Me: I will, I will not call you.

Bill: God give me will.

Me: I'm Will I am, not the Will I Am.

Bill: William?

Me: Yes but they call me Will.

Bill: They should call you mentally ill!

Me: That hurts how I feel Bill!

Bill: Will will you f**k off!

Me: I will Bill, I said I will not but I will, I'll f**k I will, I will not I will Bill!!

Bill: (That Will is bonkers).

Me: (That Bill is stupid).



.........now if that doesnt make sense to you, you're stupid,
if it does, you're bonkers, 
but genius.........Bonkers genius.....Probably.............. 
Carlsberg tastes like sewage,
but if it didn't, 
we probably wouldn't give a sewage tubes innards!!




*Trust me, it makes sense (except the sewage tubes innards bit, that's just nonsense)... Probably.....
Categories: carlsberg, funny, humorous, parody, silly,
Form: I do not know?

Mountain Pools (Freeverse)

A hot sun-filled afternoon
one summer. We kids
playing in raucous laughter
as waterfalls break the glassy stillness.

The mountain pool in rocky crevice,
Pepsi bottles cooling
all day, Carlsberg too,
closer to the edge.

Mother calls lunch, her voice dry and empty
is shouting. A young woman then, barely dressed,
bikini revealing sunburnt skin
and she is holding a babe in her arms.

The waterfall echoed her thunder
we children went on swimming,
the ice waters foamed with our laughter,
the icy waters foamed with play.

A hot sun-filled afternoon
one summer. We kids
playing in raucous laughter
as waterfalls break the glassy stillness.
Categories: carlsberg, life
Form: Free verse


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