Best Stocky Poems
Coming from Texas, I knew he’d be loud
And soon I discovered that two is a crowd
Is that the privy? he asked of my house
When he saw my dog he said you’ve got a mouse!
We heard on the news that a bush kangaroo
It might have been two, had escaped from the zoo
He said that in Texas there’s no cangerroose
Don't know what they are but they wouldn't get loose
He bragged that in Texas the average rat
Is three times the size of what we call a cat
He spotted some sheep and a grin touched his lips
Why have you got a field full of Q-tips
And then as we stood there a crow passed us by
The Texan said hey bud, should I swat that fly
He whipped up my carpet and then told me that
He’s going to splat it with this little mat
My pet snake I showed him, I thought he might squirm
He said back in Texas, we call that a worm
He stared at my garage and called it a hive
I was still miffed when we went for a drive
We drove by some cows that were stocky and fat
But Tex said his pigs are far bigger than that
Well, I bit my tongue as I drove, heading south
The only thing big around here was his mouth
Those two missing Roos hopped right into the road
The Texan appeared to think I should have slowed
I sped up and ran them both down with my truck
He cried stone the crows, are you nuts, what the f*ck
He shouted pull over, you must call the coppers
I said that I would for a dog or a cat
But not for a couple of bloody grasshoppers!
He never said much after that
Categories:
stocky, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
A surly old maid
had an urge to be laid
and bemoaned her virginal status
with life discontented
her plight she lamented:
"'tis not easy to live without coitus."
A scheme she invented
got polished and scented
tweaked her pointers to swing more voluptuous
with a rose-scented blanket
and aphrodisiac banquet
whisked her beau to the beach to be fructuous
Clad in scant mini
whence peeked her bikini
bent on bidding her cherry adieu
purred words mildly profane
wined him champagne
dined him fare with venereal value
To hone his libido
entrèed on baked avo
oysters, scallops and honey-glazed almond
lips enticingly luscious
sucked asparagus
sneaked a look if what matters had hardened
As was he, she became cocky:
ogled what was now stocky
with no inhibition she fussed and she flirted
our virgin opened her mouth
with one hand down south
loosened a knot and lay there unskirted
Decidedly heady
her lover was ready
to pick her rosebud unsoiled hitherto
her lush lips he fingered
where he lovingly lingered
to prepare for their kissing debut
With a bolt sat upright
said, his voice somewhat tight:
"Your mouth is a pit of infection.
I swear I was keen
but your mouth lacks hygiene
foul breath made me lose my ********."
Categories:
stocky, funny
Form:
Rhyme
I saw a man stark naked there unexpectedly,
who in his masculine fashion, though not apprehensively,
went gliding (or was he striding?)
down the center of the hall.
He did not glimpse me at all
as my gut called out, What gall!
So brazen, so reckless this peculiar entity
appearing as if from nowhere to step in front of me,
not elegant or slim as I’m fond of men to be;
but neither corpulent nor stocky -that cocky buck he
with a smooth protruding rump, rather like a girl’s,
yet by his gait betokened “straight” with nary a frill unfurled.
Frozen to the floor, gawking all the while,
I tried to surmise what could prompt in one
such imprudent, impudent style.
Was he merely meandering in some somnambulism state
as his simple sex is wont to do even while awake?
Or maybe this curious man had behind his head an eye
from which, though facing forward, did enable him to spy
the stupefied stranger staring at his rounded bare behind.
For he seemed to be parading his rear assets just for me,
which I deemed, as I beheld them, excelled in simplicity!
Though nothing was exceptional, I smiled begrudgingly
at a finely curved back with firm legs attached
in resplendent nudity!
11/11/16 for the Naked Contest of Anthony Slausen
Categories:
stocky, memory,
Form:
Rhyme
Professor Paddock of virology was a stocky man
He observed a little beetle on the skirt of Messy Anne
He took out his double DNA space probe
Focused it on Anne's hepatic lobe
And leapt out of the window without any thoughtful game plan
Categories:
stocky, fun, nonsense,
Form:
Limerick
Sturdy limbs
Stocky almost
Knows his way around a barbell maybe
Not easy to anger
But if he finds the right woman
A professional stirrer,
Will be get away or fall hard?
A professional instigator is something he has not yet met.
We wait in anticipation wondering who will capture his heart.
Sure enough, he falls hard for a professional instigator.
One who not only pushes his buttons
But can push the rest of the family’s buttons too
He does not escape for twenty years
Finally does
To the relief
of his sisters
and his mother.
Categories:
stocky, love,
Form:
Free verse
Why are swans the symbol of beauty?
Is it their nimble necks and angel wings?
Though my neck is stocky and my wings, not of heaven,
My posture is fair and I fly just as well.
Why are owls the symbol of wisdom?
Is it their trusting eyes and clever hunting tactics?
Though my eyes are beady and my talons, not of sport,
I perceive all and gather only what I need.
Why are robins the symbol of song?
Is it their sweet sound and timely performance?
Though my voice is coarse, and my timing, unplanned.
I have a faithful audience and I arrive as I please.
Why are doves the symbol of love?
Is it their perfect presents and Biblical presence?
Though my gifts may be peculiar and my name unknown,
God knows of me and my romantic love language.
Why does society have such poor taste in birds?
Is their view so bleak they only touch surface level?
Though hawks may seem gallant and parrots, exotic,
I know that my name, Crow, means more than just death.
Categories:
stocky, animal, appreciation, beauty,
Form:
Free verse
Let’s hve haggis and drinks mi luve
Find de bes ina de ole land
Lay yu head on mi chest mi luve
Whilst wi dance musik wid de band
Dance wid de band in de Highlands
Backyard jig good fer de ole soul
Tickle mi nose with yu gold locks
Tigether wi bade ead to toe’s sole
Call Fionn mi Luve with his jug
Nice poems he read at de gate
Summon the Clooties with a mug
Aye, they will cum and bles dis date
We’ll sail de river on Loch Ness
Kelpies will protect our flanks
Goddess Scotia says we bless
Oh mi chamin' sweet Sidhe, tanks
Aye! Mi sweet luve; Boobrie will fly
He will fetch up the Salmon Ring
And a knot cross de land we tye
Red Caps our guard til cum de spring
Then wid haggis and drinks mi luve
Goddesses'pipes blow dem great songs
In the grey mist we skip and dance
Then like Boobrie we fly with doves
Scottish Mythical Legends:
1. Fionn is a Scottish magician, warrior and poet
2. Clootie is a Scottish name for the devil. The name originated from the word cloot, which
mean a division in the cleft hoof of an animal.
3. Kelpie is a Scottish water devil who lurks in lakes and rivers and drowns its victims.
4. Scotia is a goddess normally portrayed as an old hag with the tusks of a wild boar
5. Sidhe (Shee) is the Gaelic name for fairies in the Highlands of Scotland and also Ireland.
6. Boodrie is a wonderful water-bird from the Highlands. It haunts and protects the lakes
and wells.
7. Red Cap is a sort of short, stocky old guy with long gray hair and claws instead of hands
and fingers. He lives on the Scottish border and guard the ancient ruins of castles
Categories:
stocky, adventure, fantasy, funny, happiness,
Form:
Ballad
I often find that pure love hides
in sweet moments that are made.
As when a child, my grandma braids
my wispy hair around my
small head, just like hers.
Her Scandinavian roots
high cheek bones, and
stocky build are worn with age.
I look up into her faded, blue eyes
as she smiles at me. I remind her
of the days of her youth.
She laughs, a lilting laugh of joy.
I feel happy as I fall into her
ample bosom and we lovingly embrace.
Written on 7/24/2015
Categories:
stocky, age, love, sweet, time,
Form:
Free verse
In purple majesty now
The lignum vitae bloom
Across the arid plains
Moths and birds swim
Upon its rare perfume
And tourists stare
Upon the short and stocky tree
With rugged heart and strong roots
That suckle water from a droughted land
They look but do not understand
It is the symbol of the man.
My people up through rough times
Come laughing each new dawn
The wind blows them ragged
But never a sigh, they just go on
Without care for the world's rich things
Each little blessing is enough
To make the rugged heart sing
And as this tree, the national flower
Bloom beauty out of arid dust
My people bring productivity
From barren times
With only God to trust.
We are a model of the lignum vitae
A sustained strength
A permanent sanctuary of beauty
A happiness that never relents
Yet delicate in human caring
As each purple pannicle of flower
A Lignum vitae love
Drawing each separate goal into one:
O Jamaica, bloom forever.
Categories:
stocky, inspirational, nature, upliftingheart, people,
Form:
Free verse
Coca Cola man.
Stocky, bald, refills the shelves.
Has a steady job.
Categories:
stocky, america
Form:
Haiku
The house was new on the inside and old on the out.
Busily we arranged and moved things about.
We worked all day until the night set in
We decided to wait till morning to again begin.
I decided to make us something to eat
I went to the kitchen with my dog at my feet.
I managed to prepare a tray full of snacks;
I picked up the tray and stopped dead in my tracks.
I heard a voice ask, “so what’s up with you?”
I thought to my self at least he didn’t say “BOO!”
I looked around and no one was there.
I have to admit it gave me a scare.
A day or two later, I was taking a nap.
I awoke to the sound of a repetitive tap.
I was startled to see someone at the foot of the bed,
A stocky fellow with a beard, flannel shirt and a cap on his head
I looked at him and he looked at me, a moment later he faded away
“I think this house is haunted!” I announced with dismay.
I checked around town and found out his name.
I found that he live in the house before we came.
“Rodney” passed from an accident a few years before;
After that day he appeared he would visit us more.
I don’t mind that he peeks through the bedroom door,
But when he dumps the trash can, I wish he would clean up the floor.
Categories:
stocky, death, funny, day, house,
Form:
Narrative
Once when I was just a kid my mom thought t'would be nice,
If I'd invite some friends to play and we could swing outside.
I had a swing set in the yard where I would play for hours.
My daddy built it just for me away from Mommy's flowers.
It stood beneath a large Oak tree and even had a sand box.
We played and swung and had a ball, got sand in clothes and socks.
Our neighbors had a big red dog, a loyal, patient friend.
Prince often came to play with us, he wagged his tail and grinned.
Another dog came on the scene and Prince was not amused.
They postured and they sniffed each other, a dog fight soon ensued.
We screamed and cried and climbed the set as Prince and dog fought on.
Smokey heard our frantic cries and raced onto the lawn.
Prince was huge with big white teeth and muscles big and stocky;
But Smokey feared him not and leaped and rode him like a jockey.
Smokey sank his claws in deep with teeth he grabbed his neck.
The big dog took off down the street with Smokey firmly set,
Upon his back, he rode him well, they soon were out of sight.
We worried that he might get hurt in yet another fight;
But he came strolling home real soon the hero of the day.
"Don't worry kids', he seemed to say, 'he won't be back today."
Categories:
stocky, cat, childhood,
Form:
Quatrain
Little Benny Ben told Roald Amundsen
Let's go to South Pole with my pretty hen
The hen was very stocky
Came to Ben with gait low-key
Asked for a diary and a gel pen
Categories:
stocky, fun,
Form:
Limerick
The dough rests
In the small fridge
Rolled out by the baker
She has worked hard now
But the job’s not done yet
Cutting the shape
Then in oven to bake
Out pops a plate of men
Gingerbread just get a whiff of them
Ginger, molasses, golden brown, crisp
Who’ll be the first to get a taste of him
Hands first or the giant head fingers
Center of crispy, brown chest
feet, or round belly
Look around instead
Maybe some icing
Some buttons, or eyes, mouth, or clothes
Long, stocky pose this leg or that
Who’ll eat his nose Filled with ginger
Any part goes Yum, yum toes
For Brian
Written: 10-24-2022
Categories:
stocky, character,
Form:
Shape
Chubby cream grubby against white ice
Hungry somewhat clumsy polar bear heist
Hopefully loping over to an asylum of seals
Tusked beasts bound to become tasty meals
Damp nose oscillates, catch tongue anticipates
Hook claws extend, jagging his cumbersome gait
Ungainly angle rotates blundering bear ballerina
Jaws roar frustrated, mishap sadly signals dinner
Jolly bodied, barrel stocky well insulated brood
Swivel protruding chests to avoid being food
Fear pulls polar threat away, phew! - Relax
Pack pacify, raft drifts after cold cracks
Snowy blows his nose with hankie huge paws
Lucky that chubby has arms strong as oars
Iceberg dips, whiskers twitch while wishing
Imminent swim success - in frigid fishing
8th March 2023
Written for Contest: Cracked
Sponsor: Anthony Biaanco
Categories:
stocky, animal, cute, earth, funny,
Form:
Burlesque