Best Reps Poems
I used to like barbells, enjoyed pumping iron,
my Nautilus* gym was one happy environ.
Those posters of 6-packs and marbled biceps
inspired me to start counting carbs, pounds, and reps.
My trainer would coax, "hold as long as you can!"
Doing deadlifts I felt like a WAS a dead man
The kettlebell, medicine ball - hated those,
since dropping 'em both on my poor little toes.
My dad-bod and willpower soon parted ways,
after only 1 set, I was shell-shocked for days
My back hurt, my knees ached, I'd injured my hips,
after grimacing nonstop, I'd sprained both my lips.
Oy! The sharp pain that shoots
through my quads, delts and glutes...
Now my game plan is shifting
no more power lifting.
To planks, it's "no thanks",
I'm expunging all lunging.
I feel stabs in my abs,
there's a hex on my pecs
and my lats shriek like bats.
When I tweak my oblique
I am sore to the core...
and I want it no more.
The rowing machine is no longer my scene
I loathe those squats lots and I hate crunches bunches.
Do sit-ups or push-ups? Do jump-ups or chin-ups?
I'm more inclined now to do lots of "I-give-ups".
My doc tried convincing me I'd be less tired?
I'm questioning how that poor man's brain is wired!
I felt half exhausted just WATCHING staff clean
the ellipticals, treadmills, and stair-climb machine.
Then... I found when I stood on the locker room scale
That my plan to lose weight was a sad epic fail!
I'm done! I have finished my very last burpee -
I just want a hot dog and super-size Slurpee.
What happened to wanting to feel fit and well?
When it came to workouts, I was just a dumbbell.
I've resolved now to walk more, or swim a few laps
maybe jog, ride my bike, play some tennis, take naps.
That's right, getting plenty of rest seems so plain,
it appears the most challenging muscle to train ...
is the brain.
* Nautilus is a brand of gym equipment
written 2 Oct 2022
Categories:
reps, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
ten reps of ten,
here I go again.
Today I work on my biceps,
triceps,
I feel great.
Ten reps of ten,
sweat soaking my beater.
Nobody to lend a hand,
all this weight,
I can,
do my ten reps of ten..
Jared Pickett
10/3/09
Asavvy1
Categories:
reps, life
Form:
Free verse
School didn’t teach me about human behaviour
if I had known the basics it would have been my saviour.
How could I anticipate those so different to myself
prepared to make the lowly moves that I would not have dealt
who don’t know honest competition
attacking from stealthy positions
branding negativity
on everyone they ever see
against a person unaware
talked about when they ain’t there
a rumour lie or story where
their reps destroyed out of thin air
The slanderously unarmed soul
who has no talent if truth be told
delivering tales that unfold
of someone bad of someone cold
feeding minds a narrative
some gossip to be parroted
of he or she and what they did
to make you judge the way they live
and while the people sit and listen
there is one thing they are missing
the person talking in their vision
seeing them for whom they isn’t
because liars talk they have to lie
they say it first do you know why?
To get it out ahead of time
they plant events into the mind
while truth has no such motivation
it’s dealing with the situation
not trying to win over the nation
like liars do in desperation.
Pay attention to the person talking not who they talk about
speak to the one they talk of and be sure to hear them out
the one who plays the hero plays the victim without doubt
they make others look negative in all they say and shout
Pay attention to the person talking not who they talk about
Categories:
reps, abuse, discrimination, judgement, life,
Form:
Rhyme
IMMEDIATELY PLEASE REMOVE ALL OF MY INFORMATION FROM YOUR DATA
BASE FORTHWITH.
ALSO, ADVISE ANY AND ALL CONTRACTORS, SUB-CONTRACTORS, AGENTS,
SUB-AGENTS, AFFILIATES, PARTNERS, COLLEAGUES, ASSOCIATES, CLIENTS,
WEBMASTERS, WEB BASED LINKS, WINKS, TWINKS, SHRINKS, COLONEL
CLINKS, BOSSES, CO-WORKERS, EMPLOYEES,VENDORS, SUPPLIERS,
SALESMEN, ACCOUNT REPS/EXCS, ACCOUNTANTS, BROKERS, CO-BROKERS,
HACKERS, SLACKERS, WHACKERS, JERKS, SOLICITORS, SIDEKICKS,
COHORTS, WINGMEN, WHEELMEN, LOOKOUTS, OUTLAWS, IN-LAWS,
RELATIVES, FIANCES, BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS, FRIENDS, FOES,
ENEMIES, EVIL NEMESIS’, DERELICTS, DEGENERATES, DOPERS, DEALERS,
TWEEKERS, GAMBLERS, RAMBLERS, CANVASSERS, INQUIRERS, QUEERS,
QUEENS, COWBOYS, KINGS, FAGS, DRAGS, HAGS, HETEROS, HOMOS, TONY
ROMOS, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS, [PRE OR POST] MALE IMPERSONATORS,
DICKS, DYKES, VAN DYKES, DICK VAN DYKE, LESBIANS, LONGSHOREMEN,
SHORTSHOREMEN, LIARS, BUYERS, CRYERS, CIGAR SMOKERS, CARPET
MUNCHERS, RUG RATS, TODDLERS, TEENAGERS, JUVENILE DILINQUENTS,
SENIORS, SUCKERS, TRUCKERS, MOTHER shut yer mouth, LAW MAKERS,
LAWYERS, ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, POLITICIANS, LEADERS, FOLLOWERS,
DISCIPLES, PROPHETS, EVANGELISTS, SAVIORS, SINNERS, SAINTS,
SOOTHSAYERS, MEDICENE MEN, GYPSYS, TRAMPS, AND THIEVES, WITCHES,
WARLOCKS, VAMPIRES, LYCANS, ZOMBIES, WAR MONGERS, PROTESTERS,
VIGILANTES, VICTIMS, SOLIDERS, GENERALS, GOVERNORS, PRESIDENTS,
PATRIOTS, PACKERS, LIONS, BEARS, BROWNS, BLACKHAWKS, REDWINGS,
RIGHT WING, LIBERALS OR LAW BIDING CITIZENS. THEY ARE NOT TO
CONTACT ME AND LOOSE MY NUMBERS.
BUT, IF YOU SEE MY MOM, TELL HER TO CALL ME.
BA-ZING!
?
Categories:
reps, bullying, computer, internet, rude,
Form:
There was a bad gym teacher of Gott
Whose belly was becoming a pot.
He avoided exercising
Which wasn't surprising
Because he didn't give a squat.
Categories:
reps, health,
Form:
Limerick
Dummying Up
by Odin Roark
Once mannequins rocked.
Utilitarian heroes propped up
Behind steering wheels,
Windows,
Doors,
Even beside display animals.
Such were the iron-hearted
Of atomic testing ground history.
Today, Saks 5th Ave windows
With their sophisticated still-life-reality,
Serve the well-to-do shoppers,
The not so well-to-do looky-loos,
And of course, the anything-will-do bag ladies.
In Washington there resides flesh and blood versions,
Animatronic wonders,
Their brain circuitry void of action voltage,
Their suits, ties, tans
Makeup, coifs and dresses
Never askew.
Yet…
These elected reps continue more immobile
Than their lauded ancestry,
Those once sacrificial creations of purpose,
Now but a desert’s dwindling radio active dust.
Yes…
Dummying up has come a long way
To its glorification as our US Congress,
Where nonsense requires one dummy-up opener
So “I’ll see that and raise your wealthy-class
Pandering with five more tax cuts.”
At which point, they break for another fund raising junket.
Unfortunately…
The game will pick up where it left off on their return,
A mannequin mentality becoming more and more inflexible.
Categories:
reps, political,
Form:
Prose Poetry
Americans For Fair Elections
Who is it now that pays the way,
Of politicians gone astray,
And who now will pave the way,
For that which they were paid,
We are Americans who stand true and proud,
Witnessing incredible devastations,
So we shout our mantra strong and proud,
We are 'Americans For Fair Elections'!
One contribution from those who vote you in,
Is all a candidate should be able to get.
To fund a political race to represent,
America for the people within their District,
People who no longer have a voice,
People now easily disregarded,
Who now find they have less of a choice,
Than when this democracy started,
No more party or government matching fund,
No special interest groups or big business,
All lobbying our district reps one by one,
And deciding who will lead our districts
These contributions have stolen our choices,
And all that we Americans hold most sacred,
These powers have now stolen our voices,
And our democracy now sits degraded,
We 'Americans For True Representation',
Now must take action and take back the reins,
We 'Americans For Fair Elections'
Must now rid ourselves of these stains,
And with the help of our fellow Americans,
We shall return the power to the people,
With every one of us taking a stance,
For together we are indeed powerful,
Through calls, letters, and petitions,
Once again we will make our voices heard,
Offering no retreat and no concessions,
We remain staunch and true to our word,
So be warned you who stand in our way,
For we will remember those with questions,
And those who will stand with us this day,
As 'Americans For Fair Elections'
Please visit 'Americans For Fair Elections' dot com,
And help us to pass the word of this movement on,
Or forward this poem penned by My Gull Wheels On,
a.k.a. Michael Wilson, Your fellow American!
Categories:
reps, education, inspirational, political, social,
Form:
Ballad
Is democracy a voice for the people,
Or is it just a word?
Do we strive for fair debate,
Or do discussions become absurd?
Parliament needs discussions,
A rigorous and fair debate.
From same sex marriage to deforestation,
To corporate income tax rate.
I want a democracy where parliament argues,
Then decides on our rules.
I never want one party to stifle debate,
Treating us all like docile fools.
Everyone, from right to left,
Needs to have their opinions said.
By voicing and considering each opinion,
Our democracy gets fed.
You see, a healthy parliament can't be dominated
By a simple majority elected.
That would be a dictatorship,
And dictatorships got rejected.
In the House of Reps. the majority can introduce
New bills and new forms.
It's the democratic Senate these ideas
Get sculptured into social norms.
To live in a country where democracy is nurtured,
Nurtured and understood.
Knowing the entire populace has a voice,
A vote for the common good.
Categories:
reps, political,
Form:
Rhyme
Scent of men and sweat pervade this little space
away from vast expanse of exercise machines at this gym.
Here they strain beneath laden bars
or lift and lower black and silver weights held in their hands.
A delicious black-haired male with slim yet sturdy legs
exposes muscles which tense as he steadily pumps iron.
Beautiful and intense dark orbs peer into the mirror
at the biceps of his own taut and tawny arms.
Now he lies upon his back and hoists a bar.
The sound of his laborious exhalations permeates the room.
He doesn’t notice the pair of paler eyes on him
(I also watch the mirror. . . but more discreetly).
My softer respirations match his rhythm.
Then. . . with his final reps come virile groans.
Inside my head. . . I moan and I see myself
above his rippled abdomen and heaving chest,
pressed against his sweet, dark perspiring skin.
The fragrance of my lingering Taboo
mingles with his musk.
I see him glance my way, and I avert my eyes.
If he takes to older women as well as to the younger girls
and if he fancies ones like me - robust and voluptuous -
not just the females delicate and slender as reeds ,
perhaps he is breathing in the essence that is me,
and for that one moment in time. . . I’m the fantasy.
For Cyndi MACMILLAN'S "MY SPICE BOX: SENSUAL POETRY. ADULTS ONLY.Poetry Contest"
Categories:
reps, fantasy, dark, dark, sensual,
Form:
Free verse
10 reps of Haiku curls
10 reps of Irish Ballad presses
3X5 paragraphs of trenchant prose
5X Lyrical lunges
Last 5 minutes: Free range editing gut check
Categories:
reps, adventure, art, dedication,
Form:
Free verse
“The customer is always right”
Is what they used to say
Way back when problems got resolved
Much better than today.
Yet there are certain companies
That still believe it’s true
And they will work until
You’re satisfied with what they do.
To prove the point, I had today
An online service “chat”
And to that representative,
I’d like to tip my hat.
She tried a lot of different things
So I would be content.
Our little “chat” was worth the time
And money that was spent.
Though satisfaction lately’s
Oft in very short supply,
I’d recommend the service reps
Who work for Shutterfly.
Categories:
reps, business,
Form:
Rhyme
I am looking for dream interpreters.
My name is Goodluck
Don’t swear yet please, don’t “****”
I am no president or “less”
Neither am I clueless
Parents christened me Goodluck
So if there be name sake as me
Well, that is bad luck
Like I said,
I am looking for dream interpreters.
I had a dream last night
I saw ancestors.
Breathing fire like dynamite
Asked me if I am insensitive
Or just clueless
Out of respect for ancestors, I asked them
‘Insensitive to or in what?’
“Insensitive to or in what???”
Was their angered response
“Even in this, you are still clueless”?
Their lead speaker asked
“Okay, fine! Mr. clueless” he continued
Under your watchful eyes
The plane you are saddled with,
Cries out for a pilot
For the auto-pilot can’t land it
And you are a clueless pilot
The ship you are saddled with
Cries out for a captain
For you have broken the compass
And an inevitable sink might come to pass”.
“Mr. clueless” he continued again
The streets of Jos,
Blood has become a river.
Have you seen the butchered women…
Pregnant
Have you seen the opened bowels…
Slain infants.
Religious insurgencies on the instant
United Nations office and police headquarters
All crashed landed with a bang…bomb
Churches are smashed, even mosques
The blood rivers of Jos has flowed beyond us
Now, it’s a national flood above us
Yet your greed is on the oil well
You have weakness for debt accumulation
SUBSIDY!
Your greatest height of insensitivity
What happened to profits of yester years?
Same old promise of good roads,
Good education, a better tomorrow
Yet, forty billion, a former house of reps
Single handedly stole it.
Are you leeches never ever tired of loots?
Or fear of insurgence of the deprived youths?
The people raped by empty promises of bandits
If you are in all these things clueless
Then our dreams for the country is hopeless
All leaders before you
Have creatively out done you
Hate has come to the surface
And you have lost your grace”.
Then from the dream, I woke up!
Somebody help!!!
I need dream interpreters.
THIS POEM IS FOR THE NIGERIA PRESIDENT WHO CAN’T FEEL THE NEED OF THE NIGERIA PEOPLE
Categories:
reps, black african american, inspirational,
Form:
Personification
Washington always “thinks inside the box.”
No wonder why we're in this fix we're in.
Their collective thinking stifles or blocks
The country’s progress and provides the spin
To sway the public view to uselessness.
This herd mentality is quite bizarre
To think that all these minds can not express
A single “out of the box" thought thus far.
It’s piteous, at least to me, to see
These coattail hangers we call congressmen-
Inane, inept reps of the bourgeoisie
Wind up screwing us time and time again.
One must conclude this simple inference:
Vote in or vote out makes no difference.
Categories:
reps, politicaltime,
Form:
Sonnet
…For a more perfect union,
…We need to peel the onion,
…So we can fully fathom,
…The cesspool we have become,
…District reps are bought and sold,
…By robbers brazen and bold,
…They hide behind their loop holes,
…Buying votes to meet their goals,
…And this makes it possible,
…For agendas powerful,
…To be dependent upon,
…Supporting that which is wrong,
…Stop the money, stop the shame,
…Stop that which corrupts the game,
…Now pass the legislation,
…For true representation
Categories:
reps, political
Form:
Narrative
Shuffling wreck, legacy of a life well spent;
Knees creaking, clicking articulations, a
Spine complaining, shoulder crunching.
Legs spindly toothpicks beneath a pregnant olive,
A-cups sagging. Lungs afire at the
Leaping up of stairs, gasping breaths.
A visit to the dungeon of torture, the gymn,
Where perceptions of self are confronted in
cruel mirrors, is penance for past sins…unredeemed
By virtuous exercise. Knee twisting racquets,
With pounding pavements adding compression
To shearing, pilgrimage to salvation is denied.
Red faced, setting pull-down weight to half that
Of the buff young woman who has gone before;
Forte pulse ostinato in ears, setting an impossible
Rhythm for reps, double figures a hopeful ambition.
The clock high on the wall has slowed to an idle
Saunter, refusing to sprint to an acceptable departure.
Ah Me! An evening cocktail awaits: no
Peaty single malt, or fragrant G&T,
But a brimming glass of tepid water,
And the difficult swallow of this pill
And that capsule, all designed to keep
The crumbling body together and flourishing.
But the Sun shines; a friend calls, dinner is agreed,
Igniting smouldering anticipation of delight that sends
Intimations of mortality to cower in a dusty corner
Of the mind. And the back straightens; vision clears,
Seeing self in happier light, vague twinges are ignored,
Sulking. Living is renewed, with currency yet to spend.
Categories:
reps, body, change, funny, happiness,
Form:
Verse