Best Parodysad Poems
WELL … Ah woke up this mornin’,
Had a ringin’ in ma head.
Ma backbone felt like rubber,
An’ Ah wished that Ah was dead …
Ah crawled into the bathroom,
Pulled myself up to a lean.
Saw ma choppers in the mirror …
Such a tasteful shade o’ green!
Ah’ve got the tartar blues.
Man, Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
Green an’ mouldy,
Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues.
Well, Ah sidled in the drug-store,
Saw this kid behind the till.
She said, “Sir, how can I help ya?
Man, you’re lookin’ awful ill!”
Ah said, “Ah’m a mite embarrassed …
Ah cain’t tell ya what Ah need …’
She said, “Sir, I know precisely!”
An’ she sold me a pack o’ three!
Ah said, “Girl, Ah’ve got the tartar blues …
Girl! Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
Green an’ mouldy,
Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues!”
‘Cause mah pearlies ain’t so pearly;
They look as if Ah’ve died,
An’ Ah been layin’ in the graveyard
For a century or five …
Well! Ah need some Arm & Hammer,
The toothpaste with a “WOW!”
So that Ah can tell ma tartar
“Tartar, ta-ta for now!”
Girl, Ah’ve got the tartar blues …
Girl! Ah’ve got the tartar blues!
Ah’ve got the feelin’ oldie,
Green an’ mouldy,
Sad ‘n’ lowdown tartar blues!
Those yelling voices from various tenements
Sounded like the sad treble of girls
In cellars where leviathans
In a spree flourished forced libidos:
The lasses trembling in rude arms!
Sir –
Still in their yellow bloom
Pig-watchers of the wider forest
Clad in the swords of midnight warriors
Performed the vicar’s rituals.
A blue hour lamented the gloom!
In the morning more skulls lie
A trash of real weavers!
(Prof, a sad lad heard the tales told!)