Best Loveself Poems
In the eye of the storm I hover,
daring not move close to the edge.
My comfort zone moves with the core,
waning, wafting through life situations.
My brain aches as I weave the syntax.
Laughing at the storm of my design.
A wife, a child, a lover, a problem,
the perfect pain of self incrimination.
Loving my family, what can I say.
Their scent is upon my heartstrings.
Resonating in pristine harmony,
faint vibrations of self biorhythm.
Love infinitum, a family trait.
offers no source of absolution.
I find myself crying in silence
as I muse in search of forgiveness.
Forgiveness for what, I ask myself.
I should hate myself for loving to lust?
Or do I lust for loving to love.
Semantics, pure semantics hogwash.
No one is there to offer solace.
Could my wife and lover get along?
What would my child think of that?
No, I’m sure I will give someone up.
Adrenalin flowed as a river tide,
keening my senses beyond reason.
Taking my breath, shadowing reality,
demanding as an old flickering movie
But, lord what will my decision be.
Best to leave God out of this decision,
except to pray to him for guidance.
And I already know what I should do.
But I also know what I have to do.
For the one not living in my home,
I know my love is more lust than love.
If I have to hurt, I have no choice.
As I moved away from the core
the storm subsided within my soul.
Gentle spring rain caressed my heart
as I knew I had but to confess.
© 01 Dec 2010 for John’s “jaded partitions” contest
The star gazed at the moon
On the night of all nights
Knowing it did not belong to him
Yet she glowed in his light
He paled in the sun’s presence
But it bothered her not
No life he sustained
But her eyes, only he, sought
In him she saw her truth
He let her be her
She discovered her true self
Under his soothing touch
The sweet pangs of separation
When the others vouched for
She knew he would be by her side
As eternities by them stride
Love is not just getting lost
It’s finding one self too
As space is one side of love
Is not companionship love too?
My broken self I bring to you
Believing you hold the puzzle’s solution
Waiting for you to take the jumbled pieces
Patiently matching, to recreate the whole
A tall order for a very tall guy
Not to worry, you’ll do, while others try
Just the start of love renewed
What was before, is now, and forever will be
Then, was a stepping stone for now
Now, is taking us into forever
No doubt in which direction we’ll go
The Lord with us, nothing is impossible
My broken self I bring to you
Believing you hold the puzzle’s solution
Waiting for you to take the jumbled pieces
Patiently matching to recreate the whole
I felt it leave me
The need to be pretty
Now love has gone
Just stick to self destruction
Trying to look as ill as possible
The coat I always pull on
When life is beyond
My control
Beyond my ability to steer
Panda eyes a ritual
No point in firing the eyes
If you are not here
Which self destruction button
Is the best to press
Bulmia, or starvation
Either way
The black dog now
Seems to be my only salvation..
As i seek love,
i find my self alone,
in a world of hate,
that falls upon us all,
i ponder in my mind of what comes,
but only in my wildest dreams would i have u,
lifes tricky as it plays its last song,
that runs in my heart like a roaring thought,
i sleep my nights away to find my self in a dream,
as i see u,
now i no im free....
Out of the blue,
My thoughts drifted to you.
Beautiful, intelligent lover -
Two dreams feeling, hoping, and laughing together.
Gazing at stars our fantasies sing forever.
Finding you gave my fear its egress.
Warmth embraced in fullness.
Loves caress.
Two souls revive, renew.
Our first kiss energizing,
Greeting morning dew,
Bringing, a fullness of joy,
Mesmerizing all we are.
At last, to my own self I am true.
Without hesitation, we became one.
Because you shine like the morning sun,
I freely gave my heart to you.
My life no longer a crazy zoo,
No more distractions by God-less fun.
At last, to my own self I am true.
Without hesitation, we became one.
Quickly, life’s problems said adieu.
Mysterious joy materializing
Happiness knew my heart’s enlarging.
Splendidly, I found great love in you.
At last, to my own self I am true.
© November 2, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen