Best Lewder Poems

Three Boyfriends Have I

Three boyfriends have I, whom I could marry
    Just hit '39' again, so I'd better not tarry

  #1's hair is so long and so curly
    I don't know anyone cuter
  Sleeps all day, and mopes nights away
    I call him 'My Active Brooder'  

  #2 seems polite, a man with some manners
    but when he gets mad, ain't nobody ruder
  He's into MK-47's, MAGA, the NRA
    I call him 'My Active Shooter' 

  #3's vision's amazing, like Superman's
    though frankly, there's nobody lewder
  He stares at every skirt that comes his way
    I call him 'My Active Denuder'

  O, What should I do, I just can't decide
    I've got to get married, before I die
  Wait - My cat's my best friend, I'll marry him
    I'll start a Go-Fund-Me, get 'Jaspar' neutered